  
List of chalkboard gags
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.
| Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
| July 27, 2007
|
|
I will not illegally download this movie
|
|
Season 23
| #
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
| 575
|
September 27, 2015
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Every Man's Dream"
|
| 576
|
October 4, 2015
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"'Cue Detective"
|
| 577
|
October 11, 2015
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Puffless"
|
| 578
|
October 18, 2015
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Halloween of Horror"
|
| 579
|
October 25, 2015
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XXVI"
|
| 580
|
November 8, 2015
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Friend with Benefit"
|
| 581
|
November 22, 2015
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Lisa with an "S""
|
| 582
|
December 6, 2015
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Paths of Glory"
|
| 583
|
December 13, 2015
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Barthood"
|
| 584
|
January 3, 2016
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"The Girl Code"
|
| 585
|
January 10, 2016
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Teenage Mutant Milk-Caused Hurdles"
|
| 586
|
January 17, 2016
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Much Apu About Something"
|
| 587
|
February 14, 2016
|
|
Hershey kisses do not drop from Cupid's butt
|
"Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4"
|
| 588
|
February 21, 2016
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Gal of Constant Sorrow"
|
| 589
|
March 6, 2016
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Lisa the Veterinarian"
|
| 590
|
March 13, 2016
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"The Marge-ian Chronicles"
|
| 591
|
April 3, 2016
|
|
If Villanova doesn't win we lose everything
|
"The Burns Cage"
|
| 592
|
April 10, 2016
|
|
Skinner writes:
Never lose a bet to Bart Simpson
|
"How Lisa Got Her Marge Back"
|
| 593
|
April 24, 2016
|
|
Dad swears he'll get his taxes in soon
|
"Fland Canyon"
|
| 594
|
May 8, 2016
|
|
Dirty clothes are not a Mother's Day gift
|
"To Courier with Love"
|
| 595
|
May 15, 2016
|
no gag
|
no gag
|
"Simprovised"
|
| 596
|
May 22, 2016
|
|
Milhouse does not live below the puberty line
|
"Orange Is the New Yellow"
|
|
| #
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
| 597
|
September 25, 2016
|
|
This arm needs Tommy John surgery
|
"Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus"
|
| 598
|
October 2, 2016
|
|
I will stop losing 50% of my NFL lead-in
|
"Friends and Family"
|
| 599
|
October 9, 2016
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The Town"
|
| 600
|
October 16, 2016
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XXVII"
|
| 601
|
October 23, 2016
|
|
The first episode of the second 600
|
"Trust but Clarify"
|
| 602
|
November 6, 2016
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"There Will Be Buds"
|
| 603
|
November 13, 2016
|
|
Being right sucks
(This was the first episode to air after the 2016 presidential election, which Donald Trump won, a result predicted in Bart to the Future)
|
"Havana Wild Weekend"
|
| 604
|
November 20, 2016
|
|
I will watch all 600 episodes without sleeping
|
"Dad Behavior"
|
| 605
|
December 4, 2016
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The Last Traction Hero"
|
| 606
|
December 11, 2016
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The Nightmare After Krustmas"
|
| 607
|
January 8, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Pork and Burns"
|
608
609
|
January 15, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The Great Phatsby"
|
| 610
|
February 12, 2017
|
|
If we're so good at predicting how come my dad bet on Atlanta
|
"Fatzcarraldo"
|
| 611
|
February 19, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The Cad and the Hat"
|
| 612
|
March 5, 2017
|
|
We're the only house where the Christmas tree is still up
|
"Kamp Krustier"
|
| 613
|
March 12, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"22 for 30"
|
| 614
|
March 19, 2017
|
|
Studying is not "appropriating nerd culture"
|
"A Father's Watch"
|
|
In-episode (Lisa):
Everybody's a winner
|
|
In-episode (Bart):
I did nothing wrong this week
|
| 615
|
April 2, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The Caper Chase"
|
| 616
|
April 30, 2017
|
|
In-episode (Grampa):
I just wrote one and I'm already tired
|
"Looking for Mr. Goodbart"
|
| 617
|
May 7, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Moho House"
|
| 618
|
May 21, 2017
|
|
Thank you for 28 great years... Taylor Swift
|
"Dogtown"
|
|
| #
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
| 619
|
October 1, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The Serfsons"
|
| 620
|
October 8, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Springfield Splendor"
|
| 621
|
October 15, 2017
|
|
It's unfair to judge a president on his first 300 days
|
"Whistler's Father"
|
| 622
|
October 22, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XXVIII"
|
| 623
|
November 5, 2017
|
|
Hooligan is not a profession
|
"Grampy Can Ya Hear Me"
|
| 624
|
November 12, 2017
|
|
I will not ask my guidance counselor why he couldn't get a better job
|
"The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be"
|
| 625
|
November 19, 2017
|
|
We do not live in our own pee
|
"Singin' in the Lane"
|
| 626
|
December 3, 2017
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Mr. Lisa's Opus"
|
| 627
|
December 10, 2017
|
|
Snow Angels are not frozen hobos
|
"Gone Boy"
|
| 628
|
January 7, 2018
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Haw-Haw Land"
|
|
| #
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
| 645
|
November 11, 2018
|
|
In-episode (on the street):
I will not order pregnant rats
|
"From Russia Without Love"
|
| 648
|
December 2, 2018
|
|
My pre-Christmas behavior really helps the coal industry
|
"Daddicus Finch"
|
| 649
|
December 9, 2018
|
|
The fat man who works one night a year is my dad
|
"'Tis the 30th Season"
|
| 650
|
January 6, 2019
|
|
My new year's resolution was to quit school
|
"Mad About the Toy"
|
| 654
|
March 3, 2019
|
|
Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion
|
"101 Mitigations"
|
| 658
|
March 31, 2019
|
|
I am not a grandmother
|
"Girl's in the Band"
|
| 659
|
April 7, 2019
|
|
I will not write "Audit please" on Homer's tax return
|
"I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'oh"
|
| 660
|
April 28, 2019
|
 
|
Bart writes "Haw Haw!" on it, but then hits the blackboard, that turning around reveals Nelson attached to it with tape
|
"D'oh Canada"
|
|
| #
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
| 668
|
November 10, 2019
|
|
Daylight savings isn't something I can spend
|
"Marge the Lumberjill"
|
| 671
|
December 1, 2019
|
|
Todd writes "Idle hands are the Devil's tools" with two hands.
|
"Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?"
|
| 673
|
January 5, 2020
|
|
Teacher spent New Year's Eve at home by choice
|
"Hail to the Teeth"
|
| 678
|
March 15, 2020
|
|
Lisa writes "Bart is at a Doctor's appointment"
|
"Better Off Ned"
|
| 680
|
April 19, 2020
|
|
"School Online", written on the school blackboard
|
"The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby"
|
| 681
|
April 26, 2020
|
|
Homer writes "How did the boy get me to do this?" with Bart watching
|
"Warrin' Priests: Part One"
|
| 682
|
May 3, 2020
|
|
I will stop reminding the principal I have a later bedtime than he does
|
"Warrin' Priests: Part Two"
|
|
| Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Special
|
| October 13, 2016
|
|
I will not make celebrities read mean tweets
|
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
|
|
Comics
Books
Products
| #
|
Release date
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Product
|
|
|
|
|
Underwear should be worn on the inside
Mud is not one of the four food groups
I will not eat things for money
Funny noises are not funny
I will not sell school property
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
|
Bart Simpson Talking Alarm Clock
|
|
Adverts
| Picture
|
Gag
|
Advert
|
|
I will not take part in shameless commercial promotion.
|
Sky 1 400th episode ad
|
|
Calendar
| Picture
|
Gag
|
Note
|
|
I will not tell a lie
|
|
|
I will be a better principal and son
|
Written by Principal Skinner
|
|
Name here is not wasting the watching prime-time animated cartoons
|
Name here is a name that is personalized for the calendar
|
|
Trading cards
| #
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
| 1
|
|
Biting is unsanitary and rude
|
| 2
|
|
I will not belch the national anthem
|
| 3
|
|
I will not encourage others to fly
|
| 4
|
|
Giving people wedgies is not clever
|
| 5
|
|
I will not do anything bad ever again
|
| 6
|
|
I will not drive the principal's car
|
| 7
|
|
I will spend my time productively
|
| 8
|
|
Tar is not a plaything
|
| 9
|
|
I will not lie, cheat, or spit
|
| 10
|
|
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
|
| 11
|
|
I will not add to our nation's problems
|
| 12
|
|
Krusty the Clown is not God
|
| 13
|
|
Hamsters do not eat onion rings
|
| 14
|
|
I will not trade pants with others
|
| 15
|
|
I will not do that thing with my tongue
|
| 16
|
|
I will not undermine traditional American values
|
| 17
|
|
Cursing is a crutch
|
| 18
|
|
I am not a 32 year old woman
|
| 19
|
|
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
|
| 20
|
|
I will not sell school property
|
| 21
|
|
I will not get very far with this attitude
|
| 22
|
|
I will not overestimate my own popularity
|
|
Video games/Applications
| Picture
|
Gag
|
Video game/Application
|
Note
|
|
|
I will not burp in class.
|
The Simpsons Screen Saver
|
At one point, the gag is written "I will not burp u", before the "u" is rubbed out and replaced with "i".
|
|
Other
EA Gamescom Press Conference 2012
| Picture
|
Gag
|
Note
|
|
|
I will not under-provision servers.
|
Written in Comic Sans.
|
|
Table Reading Room
| Picture
|
Gag
|
Note
|
|
I Will Turn off my Cell Phone at Table Reads
|
It is located outside the room where the table reads for the series are done.
|
|
|
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