Salting the Books

Salting the Books

Tapped Out Quest Information Level: 5 Update: The Van Houtens Required characters: Kirkedemious Van Houten, Fat Tony Optional characters: Luann, Kirk, Wiggum

Salting the Books is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in The Van Houtens content update. It requires Kirkedemious Van Houten to be obtained.

Dialogue

Pt. 1

After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark So this is the Springfield I've heard so much about. Time to go check up on the cracker factory. I'm sure the Van Houten name is thriving thanks to our family's legendary square and salty goodness. This here is the room where we salt the crackers. If we had the budget for it. These days, each cracker sheet is just rubbed against this salt block for twenty seconds. That's enough salt for the people? We're still the number one cracker in the tri-county area, I trust? Oh, good gracious, no. Southern Cracker has fallen to the number six spot, behind Allied Biscuit. Allied Biscuit? Allied Biscuit?!! Oh, if Grandpappy Van Houten knew we'd be playing second fiddle— More like sixth fiddle. —to Allied Biscuit, he'd be rolling over in his grave... ...if he hadn't been cremated and sprinkled over a batch of Special Reserve Saltinettes. Task: "Make Kirkedemious Go Over the Books". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa and takes 4 hours. These numbers can't be correct. Sixteen thousand dollars for a nuclear-powered dough kneader? Ah, yes that was for our limited release S'S'mores. For when you've had some s'mores but you need S'S'more s'mores. And another sixteen thousand for a grammar expert? Right. Also for the S'S'mores campaign. Corporate couldn't decide how many apostrophes was correct. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2

After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark Luann. Kirkedemious? I thought you were— Hiking the Andes with my mistress? I cut it short to check up on our factory. And I'm glad I did. Are you aware of the state of things? Uh...Kirk did it! Tell me, Luann. What percentage of the local indigenous population is being exploited for labor in the factory? Uh, well, I think zero. Oh, that's way too low. No wonder your profit margins are so thin. Task: "Make Kirkedemious Look for Indigenous Springfielders to Exploit". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa and takes 4 hours. If Luann is owned: Task: "Make Luann Yell at Kirk for the Factory Woes". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. If Kirk is owned: Task: "Make Kirk Threaten Divorce but Take it Back". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. This is all your fault! Kirkedemious wouldn't even be here if you hadn't taken over at the factory and driven it into the ground! Well I wouldn't have had to take over at the factory if you'd been supportive of my competitive basket weaving. I could have gone pro! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3

After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark I take it you are the chief recruiter of the local labor hiring hall? Among other arrangements, yes. Then I need you to gather an assortment of indigenous laborers and have them report to the Southern Cracker factory. Ask for, um...Mr., uh...Mr. Manager. That can be arranged. Task: "Make Kirkedemious Ask the Cracker Factory Manager's Name". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa and takes 8 hours. Task: "Make Fat Tony Round Up the Locals". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa, or a Brown House and takes 8 hours. And so alls I gots to do is scrape all this dough off'a this machine here, and I can keep whatever I dun scraped? Incredible. They've barely learned language at all. And what is the name of his tribe? They go by the moniker of "Yokels". I like to lick the salt block! And this one is a Yokel as well? After a fashion. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4

After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark Excuse me. Are you...*reading*...Kirkedumbledore Von Hasselhoff? Yes. Are you another Yokel? I'm asking the questions here. It seems that Channel 6 News did an exposé on numerous labor code violations at your factory. Is that a question? No. My question is...I didn't see the exposé...did you? I did not. But speaking of free media exposure I believe you would be the perfect spokesperson for our new Southern Cracker ad campaign... I would? Indeed. A rugged man among men, exploring the countryside, stopping here and there for the manliest of snacks — a cracker. Unless, of course, you're busy with this...exposé, was it? What, that? No, no, tell me more about my rugged man-among-manliness. Of course. But first, let me see you pose just like I am. Sure thing. Let me get my Springfield Explorers outfit. Task: "Make Kirkedemious Pose". The job takes 60 minutes. If Wiggum is owned: Task: "Make Wiggum Run Home to Get His Explorer's Outfit". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa, or a Brown House and takes 60 minutes. Yes, that's it. Perfection. Should I raise my leg higher? No guarantees I'll succeed, but I can try. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5

After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark The numbers have just come in. Our ad campaign is a huge success, all thanks to you, Chief Wiggum. Ah, well, just doing my job. My second job, that is. With these cracker sales, we can afford to buy real salt. The Van Houten name will mean something again. Other than "Made of Wood" of course. Task: "Make Kirkedemious Salt the Crackers". The job takes 4 hours. If Wiggum is owned: Task: "Make Wiggum Audition for Other Modeling Gigs". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. Following our exposé last week, several of the exploited workers have bravely chosen to come forward. We Yokels demand freedom! Look at that. Ralphie is a spokesman, too. He's a chip off the old block. Salt makes my tongue mad! Block of salt, that is. Quest reward: 200 and 20

The Simpsons: Tapped Out The Van Houtens quests
Claim to Fame • Birthday Party for One • Sidekicked Aside • The Most Popular Girl in School • The Van Houten Curse • True Friend
Annika	Fall From Grace
Grandma Van Houten	RV Getting a Divorce?
Grandpa Van Houten	The Great Indoors
Kirkedemious Van Houten	Salting the Books
Milhoose	Loove At First Sight
Milford Van Houten	A Squopping Good Time
Secretary Van Houten	Damage Control
Muscular Milhouse	The Hardest Place to Add Mass
Cool Milhouse	Happy Daze
Italian Milhouse	A Family Man