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A Family Man
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
| A Family Man
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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A Family Man is a questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in The Van Houtens content update. It requires Italian Milhouse to be obtained.
Dialogue
Pt. 1
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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Mom, can I have four hundred and fifty dollars?
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What could you possibly need that much money for? You're Dad's not being blackmailed again, is he?
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Not that I know of. I wanna buy a Swiss Army Knife. The Ultra XX Hunter Signature Premium model. It's not the crappy one that Sprawl-Mart makes.
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No son of mine will be seen brandishing a knife! Where do you get such ridiculous ideas? Have you been talking to your uncle Bastardo again?
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You never give me anything I want. You're giving the Only Child Syndrome a bad name!
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Task: "Make Milhouse Cry in His Room". The job takes place at the Van Houten House or Brown House and takes 4 hours.
If Luann is owned: Task: "Make Luann Send Milhouse to His Room".
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I need you, Snuggie Bear. Where did I fling you? Are you hiding in the closet again?
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Whoa. What have we here?
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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Pt. 2
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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It's the outfit that Luigi gave me when I got food poisoning at his restaurant!
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Wait a minute... I'll ask Luigi for a job that pays four hundred and fifty dollars! He'll say okay. He's always saying it on his pizza boxes.
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Mom, I'm going out! I'm gonna get a job so I can buy knives!
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Okay, sweetie!
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*tossing pizza* Hey-a, Milhouse. Come va?
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Pretty good, Luigi. I was hoping I could get a job here.
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A job, eh? Come-a here, let me have a good look at you.
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Task: "Make Italian Milhouse Talk With His Hands". The job takes 4 hours.
If Luigi is owned: Task: "Make Luigi Examine Milhouse". The job takes place at Luigi's or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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Well, you too small to handle da bags of flour, and you too big to fit in da attic to handle da rats.
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*puts hands up* I understand. I guess I just don't have what it takes to make it in the restaurant business.
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Hey, let me-a look at those tiny-a little hands. Magnifico! These would be-a perfect for rolling my gnocchi! You're hired! Now wash-a you hands and put on dis-a hairnet.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 3
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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Here you are, Mr. Fat Tony. Our finest dish just-a for you. It's on da house.
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Luigi, these gnocchi are rolled perfectly. I must give my compliments to the chef, personally.
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Of-a course. Right-a this way. This is Milhouse, he's-a handling all of da gnocchi.
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I was here to pay my respects, but now that I see who's been rolling my gnocchi...get him, boys!
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Oh, boy, not-a dis again.
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Task: "Make Milhouse Wet His Pants". The job takes place at Luigi's or a Brown House and takes 12 hours.
If Fat Tony is owned: Task: "Make Fat Tony Threaten Milhouse". The job takes place at Luigi's or a Brown House and takes 12 hours.
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But I made the sign of the cross between each gnocchi!
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Shut up, kid. The gnocchi was perfect. Plump, tender, melt-in-your-mouth perfect...
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But I'd recognize the nephew of Dante Calabresi Jr. anywhere. So now, it's time to make the sign of the cross for a different reason.
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Wait, didn't Michael poison Dante Jr.?
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Yeah, but he's talking about his nephew. Besides, I saw him at Tony and Selma's wedding.
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Guys, is this really the time to discuss show canon? I'm about to settle a blood feud. *cocks gun*
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Ah, I just can't do it. It would be a shame to waste such a magnificent chef. Tell ya what, why don't you come work for me instead of me killing you.
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Well...if you insist.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 4
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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This is my son, Michael. You two will work out of my D'Amico Summer Home for now.
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Pleasure to meet you. My father tells me you're quite the chef.
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Maybe if you can teach me your secrets, he'll one day respect me as a man. If not, I can just poison him. You know what I mean?
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I guess. Look, I just want to roll gnocchi so I can pay for a Swiss Army Knife.
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The new Ultra XX Hunter Signature Premium model?
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You've heard of it?
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Ah, yes. We Italians generally avoid the Swiss. All that neutrality makes us crazy...
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But we make an exception for their cheese, chocolate, cuckoo clocks, lax banking laws, and, of course, their army knives.
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That's a lot of exceptions.
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Task: "Make Milhouse Talk About Swiss Army Knives While He Works". The job takes place at the D'Amico Summer Home or a Brown House and takes 8 hours.
If Michael D'Amico is owned: Task: "Make Michael D'Amico Talk With Milhouse While He Works". The job takes place at the D'Amico Summer Home or a Brown House and takes 8 hours.
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And there we are. One thousand gnocchi!
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Most excellent. Well done, boys. Michael, run along now, I need to settle my affairs with our newest member of the family.
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I understand that you are looking for a particular implement of the stabbing variety. Is this to your liking?
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An Ultra XX Hunter Signature Premium model Swiss Army Knife? Oh, this is perfect, thank you so much!
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Don't mention it. If you're going to be working for me, naturally, I want you to feel protected.
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I know exactly what you mean. The GPS tracker on this thing will immediately alert my mom whenever I get lost at the mall.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 5
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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Tony, can I ask you a question?
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It fell off a truck, okay?
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Do you always pay people in Swiss Army Knives?
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Usually, yes. They're very practical. Lots of useful tools in there.
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I've got a hundred and seventy-two of them! I can't pay my rent, but I gotta hand it to those Swiss. What with the cheese and the chocolate and the cuckoo clocks—
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Right...
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By the way, what did you want all the gnocchi for? Nobody could eat that many.
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What? You think bodies just weigh themselves down?
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| Task: "Make Milhouse Enjoy Ultra XX Hunter Signature Premium". The job takes place at the Van Houten House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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