Difference between revisions of "Damage Control"

{{TB|You don’t have to keep calling me Madam President. We've known each other since we were in diapers.}}

{{TB|Perhaps not as long ago as we’d like to admit.}}

{{TB|Anyway, about your approval rating — it’s twice as high as any president in the last thirty-five years. A whopping 51%!}}

{{TB|I’m glad to hear it. Though, it’s concerning that so few Americans have been satisfied with their president in such a long time.}}

{{TB|I’m well aware of our nation’s history, Milhouse. Now, was there anything else?}}

{{TB|Good idea. Let’s fit it in between golfing with the Sino-Soviet trade delegation and parasailing with the ambassador to the Magic Kingdom.}}

{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Secretary Van Houten Prepare Lisa’s Speech|4 hours|the [[U.S. Capitol Building]], [[Town Hall]], or a [[Brown House]]}}<br>{{Task/Optional|Make President Lisa Prepare for Her Speech|4 hours|the [[U.S. Capitol Building]], [[Town Hall]], or a [[Brown House]]|char=[[President Lisa]]}}|colspan=2}}

{{TB|But the deep state doesn’t exist.}}

{{TB|And if you want to keep it that way, you’ll listen to what I have to say. Our oppo research has revealed that you have a thing for the president.}}

{{TB|Relax, I’m only here to help. Now, here’s the proposition…}}

{{TB|I could tell you that, but then I’d have to kill you.}}

{{TB|Oh, God please no, don’t tell me, don’t tell me!}}

{{TB|Uh…that was just an expression. Anyway, we just want to see the president “happy”.}}

{{TB|Well, when you put it in oddly menacing quotation marks…it sounds like a great idea!}}

{{TB|I’d like to particularly thank the donors who gave the maximum amount below what is required for public disclosure.}}

{{TB|Not now, Milhouse, can’t you see I’m in the middle of a speech?}}

{{TB|Ugh, it’s a hard no! Not in a million years!}}

{{TB|Oh yes, when I took over the presidency, America was a global embarrassment. I felt that pain then, and I REALLY feel it right now…}}

{{TB|I’m sorry, Lisa. I got some bad intel. What can I do to help?}}

{{TB|Walking briskly down long hallways in the West Wing is the perfect place to think…}}

{{TB|I need to do something. I got Lisa into this situation, so it’s up to me to bail her out… I’ve got it!}}

{{TB|It’s no use. This sign twirling gets less attention than climate change.}}

{{TB|Hey you! You’re the guy who told me to propose to Lisa on camera!}}

{{TB|Although it was absolutely hilarious the way she turned you down. I haven’t laughed that hard since the day we shot that Go-Go Ray at Skinner.}}

{{TB|Took ya long enough to guess. You’re more gullible than CIA Director Ralph Wiggum.}}

{{TB|More importantly, you humiliated Lisa. I just needed her taken down a peg. Mom’s been going on and on about her since those approval ratings came in.}}

{{TB|I couldn’t get her to make me a quesadilla last night. She wanted ME to do it so she could watch Lisa’s stupid speech. Can you believe that?}}

{{TB|You put Milhouse up to this? Bart, do you understand the ramifications of what you’ve done?!}}

{{TB|Relax, Lis. This’ll all blow over by the next news cycle. Which is in three…two…one…}}

{{TB|{{*}}panting{{*}} Lisa…you’re not…going to…believe it…}}

{{TB|Your approval rating…shot up…to 78%!}}

{{TB|That’s higher than the day President Gaga pushed Jeff Zuckerberg out of Air Force One. How is that possible?}}

{{TB|It’s true! All of the pundits attribute your approval increase to everyone’s disapproval of me! Isn’t that great? I fixed it!}}

{{TB|Well, we wouldn’t want to upset the voters, would we, Milhouse?}}

{{TB|Uh, right. Okay. I’ll just go sit in the Situation Room and listen to the rest of that song on my boombox.}}