Difference between revisions of "Aunt Misbehavin'/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 20:22, December 8, 2025

Ken: Morning, ladies.

Patty Bouvier: Get off our case, Ken.

Selma Bouvier: We're working as fast as we can. We're human beings, you toad.

Ken: Heads, so the new supervisor is, um... the one with the circle earrings.

Selma: Selma.

Patty: We're two different people, Ken.

Ken: You still share the same e-mail?

Patty and Selma: Yes.

Bart: If he mouth-cookied a dentist, he'd be all like, "Who else could I mouth-cookie?" My life would be so awesome if Mom had never met him.

Patty: I know a way to kill your dad.

Bart: Whoa, whoa. I don't want to murder the guy. Oh, crap. Now I'm intrigued. Explain.

Chief Wiggum: That's strange. According to the state database, you're... you're dead.

Homer: Dead? Can I still rent a U-Haul?

Chief Wiggum: You do seem alive, but this police machine is in charge, so I can't give you a ticket.

Homer: I should have died years ago.

Lenny Leonard: [gasps] It's just hitting me now. You two are twins!

Marge: [on the phone] Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah. I'm sorry she said that, Patty. Hold one sec. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Selma, you can call her an A, you can call her a B, but you can't call her a... Ho-Hold one sec. Yes, Lenny, I know they're twins.

Homer: Honey, life is so short. Certainly mine was. So, take it from your late husband, ghost those hags.

Selma: Patty's out of control. First, she gets a ridiculous haircut. And did I tell you what condiments she got on the TV remote?

Marge: Yes, but Lisa hasn't heard yet. Why don't you tell her?

Lisa: Under the bus, huh, Mom?

Rusty: You don't have a fear of extreme pain, do you?

Patty: No, I have a fear of stupid questions.

Rusty: I think I'm gonna enjoy this.

Patty: Who the hell are you?

Merle: Merle. I'm your sister's new nighttime friend, and you must be the infamous twin.

Patty: Did you sleep over?

Merle: Well, I didn't break in.

Patty: I should've done this years ago. I feel so free. This is a queer paradise. We have slurs for straight people here and the obscene amount of water wasted keeping this place green... I love it.

Patty: So you're applying to change a kitchen faucet in your 1948 Albert Frey house.

Stylish patron: We found a perfect match to the original Pfister center set hammered copper faucet.

Patty: Hmm. I'm not seeing patina.

Stylish patron: Y-Yeah, that's because it's new, but with time--

Patty: Time is a luxury you do not have.

Lisa: I think Selma's just pretending to like Merle. She makes him go to Starbucks to use the bathroom, and she makes him sleep on the porch of her building. He's like her outdoor cat.

Homer: As someone who's already dead, it kills me to say this. There is one way into the Amex VIP lounge.

Merle: Amex? [chuckles] No problem. We all sign up for Air Shelbyville credit cards for, you can't believe they're being so dumb, a 100K bonus miles each. Then we take a short flight to Sioux Falls which will skyrocket us to the diamond-mile tier, which we will immediately transfer to Comfort Lodge Discover Plus cards. After just one night in their guaranteed suites program, we are earning 5x, 10x, the multiples are insane. And then we bring it all home by booking a hot air balloon, prime rib adventure for 20 people and then immediately canceling it. And that will get Homer to one million points or tickets to theSubaru Dr. Martens LPGA Tournament, VIP Amex Lounge.

Bouncer: I'm sorry, sir, but it says here you're dead.

Homer: That's correct.

Bouncer: Well, we can't let you in. All your tickets are void because the cardholder is deceased.

Marge: And, Selma, do you really want to be with Merle?

Selma: No, I'm miserable! The sex is fine, but the endless cuddling after is killing me.

Merle: I'm a cuddler. Sex to me is foreplay. Cuddling is the main event.