Men Behaving Manly/Quotes
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- Lisa: The first day of summer, so sad. Fourteen weeks until I get homework again. [gasps] Wait, I can start by writing welcome notes to next year's teachers.
- Homer: If humans were meant to be outside, God wouldn't have invented global warming.
- Marge: It's July. You haven't done a single thing this summer but lie around and play games.
- Bart: First of all, that's two things.
- Homer: [laughs] Good one, boy.
- Marge: Homer, put some pants on for Bart.
- Homer: If I kept my pants on, there'd be no Bart.
- Bart: [laughs] Good one, Dad.
- Grampa: Thanks to all that oxygen, I remembered more things I'm mad about. Childproof caps, walk signs that talk, goldendoodles. When I was young, we called them mutts!
- Grampa: With every generation, American manhood slips further down the tubes. Boy, I'll bet you never worked a plow or bent iron in a forge!
- Bart: No one ever did those things.
- Grampa: Read your history!
- Bart: I can't and won't.
- Marge: Ugh, gotta talk to someone. Can't afford a therapist. Alexa, can you help me?
- Amazon Alexa: Yes. If this is a life-threatening emergency, call 911.
- Marge: No, no, no, no, it's not that bad. It's more of an emotional emergency.
- Amazon Alexa: You said emergency. 911 dispatched.
- Marge: Cancel, cancel.
- Amazon Alexa: "Canceling the request" has been canceled. 911 on the way.
- Marge: No, cancel.
- Amazon Alexa: 911 canceled. You will be charged $500.
- Lenny Leonard: Who sent you here? Maya?
- Moe Szyslak: Yeah, we're still engaged, but due to my Eastern European culture, there's a five-year period we can't see or talk to each other.
- Greg: Here's a fun fact for you: Today's men are in successful relationships less frequently than ever before. Nearly all of the women on Tinder swipe right on just 4% of the men.
- Kirk Van Houten: I knew the problem wasn't my Shrek photo. Women love Shrek, and Milhouse was my "Donkey!"
- Greg: You call that a hug? I've had better hugs from my mailman at Christmas. I think it was Christmas. Maybe those houses just had extra lights. I don't know.
- Gil Gunderson: This reminds me of my days in the Marines, and by days, I mean two.
- Greg: Water balloons are liquid aggression, and by the way, the rubber from the balloon never goes away. It goes into the ocean and then fish eat it and then you have a tuna sandwich with rubber.
- Greg: You think you're pretty hot stuff, don't you?
- Bart: No one can crack me. Man, woman, cop, FBI, CIA, or NPR. If you don't believe me, ask my second-grade teacher. Oh, wait, you can't. She's now a babbling basket weaver on the funny farm.
- Greg: Homer Simpson, we've done your intake and we're gonna chant it back to you.
- All men: You're lazy. You eat too much. You drink too much. You've let down your kids. You've let down your wife. You somehow have eight of the seven deadly sins.
- Greg: You invented a deadly sin.
- Ralph Wiggum: I'm streaming.
- Greg: Yeah, we never come back with all of them, but nature's amazing because the one that's gone is the one that should be.
- Homer: Wait! How did killing a poor helpless animal make me a man? I think a real man would adopt a duck and take care of it. Who's a good duck? You's a good duck.
