The Day of the Jack-Up/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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"The Day of the Jack-Up"
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- Mr. Burns: Smithers, why am I wearing my meeting tie and chitchat spats?
- Waylon Smithers: Well, sir, the demand for power has dropped recently due to a new wind farm.
- Mr. Burns: My old enemy, the wind. Mother Nature's sour belches.
- Mr. Burns: If you agree to triple your offer, I will in return let in a sliver of sunlight. Hmm. Hmm? Mmm?
- Executive: Would you at least look at our offer?
- Mr. Burns: Hard to do without a little light.
- Homer: Oh, the light from that stupid Circumulus has made it impossible to sleep here or at work. Did you know that I passed out at Moe's from tiredness?
- Lisa: Kneesock Dolls! They're my favorite girl pop band from my favorite Korea.
- Homer: Don't cry. We'll go. We'll buy tickets and be there, I swear.
- Lisa: No daddy's daughter ever had a better daughter daddy.
- Homer: Not a problem, sweetie. We can still get tickets on the secondary market, just like we did with Grampa's pacemaker.
- Homer: America's most sacred freedom, the ability to buy a ticket at face value, shall not be taken from us. Everyone deserves their fair shot at a seat, whether it be concert, sporting event, or Terry Gross in conversation with Drama Desk Award winner, Audra McDonald, at the 92nd Street Y. I will get those tickets because this is one lazy American who won't take this injustice standing up! Or sober.
- Bart: It's okay, Lis. You'll still get to see the concert in videos posted by rich kids.
- Professor Frink: I have discovered, through cyber manipulation, that SeatMiser's account was set up on a library computer right here in Springfield.
- [crowd gasps]
- Moe Szyslak: I bet it's Lenny. One day I saw him with a book.
- Lenny Leonard: Uh, I'm doing research for my novel about 18th-century Hungarian pirates on the Black Sea. [spluttering] That idea's mine. Nobody steal it. I'll know.
- Profiler: My name is... not public information. I used to catch violent serial killers, but now we just leave that to documentaries and podcasts. Which leaves me free to dedicate my extensive skills to fighting this new, highly irritating breed of semi-crime.
- Ned Flanders: I know ticket trafficking is a sin, but is it against the law?
- Profiler: Well, it's illegal in some states, and since I don't know what state this is, it could be here too. I will bring this SeatMiser to justice, and they will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Assuming there is a law against this kind of thing here.
- Homer: Oh, my God. You never thought I would come through for you.
- Lisa: No. No, I did. I always think you'll come through for me.
- Homer: Oh, I've set the bar so low I can't even disappoint you anymore.
- Lisa: The way you're making this all about you is a little disappointing.
- Homer: Don't try to cheer me up.
- Homer: [sighs] This is the way ticket buying is supposed to be. From a sketchy dude in a parking lot who you'd never talk to in real life.
- Otto Mann: I got four seats. They can be yours for 500 bucks and clean urine.
- Homer: Uh, how about 450 and cleanish?
- Otto: Deal.
- Marge: I can't wait to hear the songs live I've been forced to listen to driving carpool. And now with no off-key Janey.
- Janey Powell: Off-key? [runs out crying]
- Marge: [to Lisa] You have to tell me when you're having a sleepover.
- Lisa: I wasn't.
- Bart: Hey, what's with all the security?
- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Oh, I'm not supposed to tell anyone.
- Bart: Don't tell anyone what?
- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: That this whole concert is just a giant trap.
- Bart: Giant trap?
- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Yeah. The FBI profiler figured out that the guy who's reselling all the tickets is gonna be at this show tonight. Yep, the police are finally gonna catch SeatMiser.
- Bart: This profiler thinks she's got me cornered, but there's no corners in a Circulus.
- Profiler: My intel confirms that Skinner is the principal of the school, and also he does in fact suck.
- Bart: I know I swore we'd be together until a new model with a slightly better camera comes out. Just try to remember the good times. The texting, the prank calls, the conversations I avoided while pretending to look at you. Still, I don't have any other choice. [sighs] I love you so much. [cries]
- Lisa: I didn't want to believe it, but you're the SeatMiser.
- Bart: You're wrong. And if the Kneesock Dolls met you, they wouldn't like you.
- Lisa: [gasps] Once they got to know me, they would.
- Profiler: Tonight was a total waste. All we caught were two lousy deviants and a serial killer.
