The Past and the Furious/Quotes
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782
"The Past and the Furious"
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- Mr. Burns: Now disperse, you tree-smooching trespassers, unless you're staying for tonight's hobo philharmonic.
- [the hobo philharmonic plays Beethoven's "Symphony No. 5"]
- Dewey Largo: Spoon section, on the downbeat, am I hearing a fork?
- Lisa: Why even try to plant flowers? In this hideous town, there's no point to anything.
- Dr. Dorothea Chaplet: Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear. I'm a child therapist who specializes in ecological melancholy.
- Homer: Ooh, fun job.
- Lisa: Look, Doc, I'll tell you how to cure my depression. Fix this horrible world! Oh! You can't? Join the club. No one can make a difference.
- Homer: AI is destroying everyone else's career, can't it hollow out yours?
- Dr. Chaplet: Oh, no. Not until far, far into next month.
- Band leader: Our sax player is out. Somehow he mixed up his sugar and his opium. Worst sugar allergy I've ever seen.
- Lisa/Edith: Why is this place called the Little Moose Club?
- The Rich Texan's ancestor: That's on account of all them pint-sized moose running around town. Look.
- Lisa/Edith: Oh, my God. They're so cute.
- The Rich Texan's ancestor: They look sweet, but dang, we all hate 'em.
- Wiggum's ancestor: Their fur makes everyone sneeze. They're the perfect height to trip over. And they bellow off key.
- Monty B: Edith, if we were jamming any harder in there, we would have made marmalade.
- Lisa/Edith: Ha. Wow. You just said something nice. I like this young dream version of you.
- Monty B: Well, you sound a little off your onions, but I like you too.
- Lisa: It seemed like I'd gone back in time. But obviously that's crazy.
- Marge: Don't say that, sweetie. "Crazy" is not a word we use in our family.
- Homer: Twelve dollars for parking? What kind of crazy office is this? Lady, you're crazier than Lisa and she's crazy! To summarize, can I borrow $12? And if you think I'm gonna pay you back, you're crazy. Like Lisa.
- Marge: You must have seen her picture in an old photo album and it stayed in your head.
- Homer: Yep. That's one of the dream laws enforced by the dream police.
- Marge: That's just a record by Cheap Trick.
- Homer: Cheap Trick is your answer to everything.
- Lisa: It wasn't a dream. I traveled through time.
- Barney Gumble: Me too. I passed out on Tuesday and now it's Wednesday.
- Lisa: It's Friday.
- Barney: Friday? All right, I can sleep in tomorrow.
- Bart: Even Lisa's way of going nuts is nerdy. When I go crazy, it will be on the news.
- Marge: We've got to find a way to get her mind out of this silly world of magic and make-believe. Dear God, invisible creator of all things, please use your superpowers to help my daughter.
- Homer: And a pizza oven.
- Lisa: Professor, I think I traveled back through time into the body of my ancestor.
- Professor Frink: Lisa, I'm a man of science, so I have to dismiss that kind of tomfoolery. But, I am also a man of science fiction. So make like a Petri and dish.
- Lisa/Edith: Well, the flowers are so beautiful.
- Monty B: Thanks. Whenever I feel a rage coming on, I visit my greenhouse and it calms me. It's my gladsome place.
- Lisa/Edith: Nice. Mine is a stool behind the water heater in our basement. I read by the pilot light.
- Lisa/Edith: These are so unusual-looking.
- Monty B: Spilotantha Daphne. Named after my dear mother, Spilotantha. She bred them. As she was dying, she begged me to take care of them. They're all I have left of her. [sobs]
- Lisa/Edith: Wow. It certainly nails the prominent schnoz.
- Monty B: Yes, she was quite ugly.
- Lisa/Edith: We have a new song about the endangered mascots of Springfield: "The Mini Moose."
- Lenny's ancestor: But what about the hit song "Mini Moose Mamma, Let's Kill You Tonight"?
- Lisa/Edith: Okay. Wow.
- Lisa: I didn't change anything. I can never change anything.
- Professor Frink: Well, no, you did do something. The mini moose did not die out in 1925.
- Lisa: Really?
- Professor Frink: Now they died out in 1923.
- Homer: Don't take this the wrong way, but Mom and I think you've gone completely wackadoodle.
- Lisa: I haven't even gone remotely wackadoodle.
- Monty B: If I can never have beauty, neither will Springfield. I will become a tycoon and pave over the entire town. And to make certain that nothing grows, I'll salt the earth, pepper the oceans and cumin the sky!
- Mr. Burns: Through exploitation, war profiteering, and owning the Las Vegas Raiders, you will amass billions!
- Monty B: That does sound possibly excellent.
- Mr. Burns: Yes. You'll have a Picasso in every bathroom, an army of loyal hounds, and command your own Smithers.
- Monty B: Wealth, power, whatever a Smithers is. It's all hard to resist.
