Yellow Planet/Quotes
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- Narrator: For centuries, our planet has been ravaged by mankind and its insatiable appetite for nature documentaries. Tragically, we are running out of animal species who have not already been filmed. All that's left for us to cover now are the weirdos, the regrettable accidents, and the evolutionary dead ends. Today we present the dregs of the animal kingdom.
- Narrator: Our first of nature's B-sides is the disturbingly pale beluga whale, the only creature whose ghost is darker than it is.
- Narrator: This Darwinian whoopsie is joined by one of nature's even less justifiable species, the narwhal.
- Blubbo: When I look at someone, I don't see species. I just see food or not food. And, baby, you ain't food.
- Blubbo: That's one woman of a whale.
- Beluga whale Lenny: So, tell us about this narwhal babe. Did you get any fluke?
- Beluga whale Carl: Yeah, in how many senses of the word was she horny?
- Narrator: For now, let's leave our Arctic also-rans and meet our next misfit, the marine iguana. A creature that does all it can to sabotage the survival of its offspring by laying its eggs on the most dangerous beach in the world.
- Marine iguana Milhouse: We're here for a good time, not a long time.
- Marine iguana Bart: What geniuses had the idea to put our nursery in a snake-infested hellhole?
- Marine iguana Skinner and Marine iguana Chalmers: Hello.
- Marine iguana Skinner: Attention, children. Welcome to school. By which I mean, schooling you in how not to be eaten.
- Marine iguana Chalmers: Now, your first assignment is to reach the safety of these rocks.
- Marine iguana Martin: Why am I still alive?
- Marine iguana Chalmers: The snakes cannot see you if you do not move. Thus, your task is a simple one. Never move while they're looking, which is always. And still without moving, run to us.
- Moe school of fish: Cheer up, pal. You know the old saying, "There's plenty of other me's in the here."
- Mandrill Todd: Daddy, one of those creatures is pointing one of those things at us again.
- Mandrill Ned: It's a human with a camera. Just ignore it.
- Mandrill Todd: My poop-throwing teacher says that humans are related to us.
- Mandrill Ned: Oh, no, they're not. Evolution's a myth. God created us in his own image. And what does God have?
- Mandrill Rod and Todd: A big, juicy, red butt.
- Wolfcastle narwhal: He can stay. But you'd better sleep with one eye open.
- Blubbo: I already do.
- Wolfcastle narwhal: Ah. Good.
- Blubbo: All whales do. It's an interesting fact about us.
- Wolfcastle narwhal: Don't tell me what whales do.
- Blubbo: I won't.
- Narrator: Now in the narwhal pod, the beluga is a fish out of water, although he's not a fish, and he is in water.
- Narwhal Marge: I need to dive for food. Wanna come with?
- Blubbo: [chuckles] Food? Whoa. That's one of my favorite things to eat.
- Narrator: We now turn our attention to an ornithological oddity found off the coast of South America. These tuxedoed jesters of the Antarctic are--
- Morgan Freeman: Are those penguins? I hope you're not doing penguins.
- Narrator: No, Morgan. I mean, Mr. Freeman. I'd never step on your narrating toes.
- Morgan Freeman: You don't wanna know what happened to the people who made the penguin movie, Happy Feet.
- Narrator: I really don't. No, I get what you're saying.
- Morgan Freeman: They were driving home late one night. Maybe there was ice on the road and maybe there wasn't.
- Woodpecker finch Lisa: Technology didn't make us smarter. It just made our stupidity more powerful.
- Blubbo: This might be the lack of oxygen talking, but I think you're the sexiest creature I've ever seen.
- Narwhal Marge: You lied to me. Why would you do that?
- Blubbo: I was just really messed up after my pod died, and-- Oh, wait, you know that didn't happen. [chuckles] You know what's funny? Neither of us can even remember what we're fighting about.
- Blubbo: My whole act is weeping uncontrollably, and I'm the least depressing thing in this theme park. I'm a prisoner of show business.
