The Flandshees of Innersimpson/Quotes
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783
"The Flandshees of Innersimpson"
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- Homer: [scoffs] In my day, billboards advertised things that made sense, like energy drinks or exciting new windshield repair companies.
- Lisa: I heard DJ Cheeseface bought his parents a mansion.
- DJ Cheeseface's father: That's right, Homer. He bought us a mansion.
- Homer: Son buy mansion? Bart is son.
- Bart: I've always wanted to do something creative without actually creating something.
- Ned Flanders: Evening, Homer, or should I say morning? Listen, you know I like to keep my blankets dry and my parties unpooped, but, uh, all this, well, noise, I guess you'd call it, is making it difficult for me and my boys to sleep.
- Homer: It's not noise. It's a tantalizing journey into sound.
- Homer: See you later, DJ Stupid Mustache.
- Homer: Hello there, Mrs. McCormick.
- Mrs. McCormick: Dark times shall come to Evergreen Terrace before the year is out.
- Homer: [laughs] Oh, Mrs. McCormick, I do so enjoy your dire portents.
- Bart: Oh, this beat's getting pretty big. Maybe I'll drop it soon. Or maybe I won't.
- Martin Prince: For God's sake, drop it, Bartholomieux! The tension, while delicious, is unbearable!
- Marge: Bart, what happened?
- Bart: The beat, I waited too long to drop it. It was like a tiger in a cage, and I just kept taunting it.
- Bart: I used to think DJs were overpaid frauds, but I now know they require the nerves of a surgeon and the rare gift of turning music into faster, louder music. If anything, they aren't paid enough.
- Homer: Oh, hey, Flanders. I was just bringing back your headphones. Oh, you don't look so good. Did you get beat up at the circus?
- Ned: Now that I've literally given you the shirt off my back, you and I will never have any reason to interact ever again. In fact, these are the last words I'll ever say to you.
- Marge: Oh, I've never seen Ned that upset.
- Homer: Ned Flanders is never going to speak to me again? Ever? I guess I only have two words. Woo-hoo!
- Mrs. McCormick: The dark times have begun.
- Marge: Some days I wish Mrs. McCormick had never moved here.
- Todd Flanders: I've never seen my daddy so angry before. It's like a bad movie.
- Lisa: Have you ever seen a movie, Todd?
- Todd: No. What happens?
- Lisa: A lot of stuff.
- Todd: Neat!
- Todd: Should we help your dad or wait till he stops twitching?
- Lisa: I find it's best to wait.
- Homer: So? So? Did he talk about me?
- Marge: He sure did. [sighs] I got to say, Homer, if I weren't married to you, I probably wouldn't talk to you, either.
- Homer: Oh, I can't take this anymore. I thought Flanders not talking to me would be a magical Mardi Gras, but instead it's been a never-ending Lent. [crying] Lent!
- Homer: That's our stuff! What are you doing? You have to tell me why you're destroying my stuff!
- Ned: It's my stuff, you imbecile. I'm reclaiming everything you've ever borrowed from me and destroying it so you can never borrow it again. That includes the lock on your front door.
- Ned: You know, I gave you a pass all these years 'cause I thought you were just too dumb to know better, but this eloquent plea for forgiveness shows you're a thinking, feeling human being, and you did that stuff to me anyway!
- Homer: [gasps] My couch! The one thing in this world I truly love.
- Ned: It's my couch. You borrowed it from me the very first day we met.
- Judge Constance Harm: I have never seen two people with such a bitter hatred for each other outside of happily married couples. Hmm, well, that gives me an idea for one of my folksy, movie premise-like judgments. Instead of jail, I sentence the two of you to 100 hours of couples counseling.
- Annette: Look, I need you both to know that this isn't gonna be an overnight fix. It could take years of intensive, soul-baring—Could you please stop flicking each other in the eyeballs?
- Homer: I'll happily blow up both our brains if there's the slightest chance of making Ned suck less.
- Homer: Why did we turn into all those famous duos?
- Ned: Famous? I didn't recognize any of them.
- Homer: I see how happy and successful you are, so I think I'm not worthy of you. I treat you terribly out of my own insecurity. Also because you've got awesome stuff and I like taking it.
- Ned: And I wish I could savor life half as much as you do. But what I truly love is feeling morally superior to you. That's why I accept and even encourage your worst behavior. Like how you're scratching your butt with that statue of me.
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