| Non-Alcoholic Whine
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Non-Alcoholic Whine is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the A Simpsons Christmas Special content update. It requires Young Barney to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Young Barney's exclamation mark
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Welcome to my uncle's chalet, Homer! Isn't it great?
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The word "chalet" implies a hot tub and girls who ski in bikini tops for some wonderful reason I can't fathom. THIS is an ice fishing shack.
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Well, sure, but if you like ice fishing--
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Gonna stop you right there. I don't. I don't even like REGULAR fishing.
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Listen, my philosophy is: "whatever makes you happy is great. Except fishing, which is dumb and you're dumb for liking it, ya dummy."
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Just pass me a beer.
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We don't have any. Being drunk would impair our fishing skills, and we can't have that!
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I'm going to die out here.
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Task: "Make Young Barney Prepare Ice Fishing". The job takes place at the Ice Fishing Shack and takes 4 hours.
If Teenage Homer is owned: Task: "Make Young Homer Freeze His Butt Off". The job takes place at the Ice Fishing Shack and takes 4 hours.
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We're all set to fish! Hey, you okay, Homer? You're turning kind of blue.
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J-j-just t-t-trying not to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d... freeze to death.
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You'll feel better once you go completely numb.
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Know what? You can go f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f... buzz off.
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Young Barney's exclamation mark
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You just need to discover the peace of fishing. Now grab one of these worms and impale its still-living form on your razor-sharp hook.
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I'm not going to kill some poor worm over fishing.
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It's already as good as dead. Nothing can survive in this cold.
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WHICH IS WHY I WANT BEER! GIVE BEER!
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What do we need beer for when we've got friendship?
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That's a false premise. Your actual options are A) beer AND friendship both; or B) no beer and pure animal hatred.
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Task: "Make Young Barney Excel at Fishing". The job takes place at the Ice Fishing Shack and takes 12 hours.
If Teenage Homer is owned: Task: "Make Young Homer Fish for an Escape". The job takes place at the Ice Fishing Shack and takes 4 hours.
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Having fun yet, Homer?
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*cracks open a beer* Sure am, Barn!
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Hey! Where'd you find that?!
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Dunno, but I have a theory. I think the universe just sort of wants me to be a drunk.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Young Barney's exclamation mark
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I was really hoping to get away from all the peer pressure around drinking for a few days.
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Hey, don't be sore, pal. You don't have to drink. Unless you want to be cool.
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Why would I turn myself into a pudgy, belching, idiot? I've got enough trouble getting girls as it is.
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If it's girls you want, you came to the right man. Let me teach you the basics of scoring with super-hot babes.
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Task: "Make Young Barney Admire Young Homer". The job takes place at the Ice Fishing Shack and takes 60 minutes.
If Teenage Homer is owned: Task: "Make Young Homer Ramble Nonsensically About Women". The job takes place at the Ice Fishing Shack and takes 8 hours.
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The most important thing to remember is that women and men are exactly the same.
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*pulls out tiny pad of paper and pencil* Uh huh. Uh huh. Go on.
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So when you talk to a girl, remember that she's interested in sports, babes, and your personal ranking of the various guitar gods.
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And if she disagrees with you, tell her she couldn't be more wrong, and that she should feel terrible about that.
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All these years I've been trying to figure out what girls like. When it was right in front of my stupid face.
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But the most important thing is to let them know, right up front, that you're a chick magnet and women find you irresistible.
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*writes in tiny pad of paper* Be a chick magnet.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Young Barney's exclamation mark
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I've clearly got a lot of work to do on myself before girls will like me.
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Well, that's certainly true. But you'll feel better about it after a beer.
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Where did THAT beer come from?
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No idea. I just reach down my hand, like this, and-- hey! There's another one! Drink up, pal!
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My Uncle says you should never bow to peer pressure.
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A wise man. Now shut up and drink, or else.
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| Task: "Make Young Barney Try to Fit In". The job takes 4 hours.
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Ew, beer is gross.
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*hic* Keep at it pal. You'll come around. *hic* I never want to drink anything else ever again. I hope my blood turns into beer.
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That way, if I get in a car accident, it's like: "Quick, give this man a beer transfusion!" Boom! I'm drunker than ever.
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Homer, I think you might have a problem.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Young Barney's exclamation mark
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Come on Homer, let's get you home. I think all this beer is damaging your brain.
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*hic* Not the beer. Beer good. Cold bad. Homer still have toes?
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Your toes? Yeah, they're right there in your shoes.
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*hic* What about fingers?
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Actually, they're a little blue. I think you're getting hypothermia.
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*belch* No chance. Homer nice and toasty warm now.
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What I'm about to say to you goes with us to our graves - for your own safety, take off your clothes and hold me.
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Task: "Make Young Barney Cuddle for Warmth". The job takes place at the Ice Fishing Shack and takes 12 hours.
If Teenage Homer is owned: Task: "Make Young Homer Be Cuddled for Warmth". The job takes place at the Ice Fishing Shack and takes 12 hours.
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Feeling any better, Homer?
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Oh, god. How did it come to this? I swear, I am never drinking again. EVER.
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...
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*cracks a beer*
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Eh, the universe wants what it wants.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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