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Difference between revisions of "List of chalkboard gags"

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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Revision as of 05:51, February 3, 2012

Template:TableUpdate The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.

Season 1

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
1 December 17, 1989 no gag "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"
2 January 14, 1990 200px I will not waste chalk "Bart the Genius"
3 January 21, 1990 200px I will not skateboard in the halls "Homer's Odyssey"
4 January 28, 1990 200px I will not burp in class "There's No Disgrace Like Home"
5 February 4, 1990 no gag "Bart the General"
6 February 11, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E06.png I will not instigate revolution "Moaning Lisa"
7 February 18, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E07.png I will not draw naked ladies in class "The Call of the Simpsons"
8 February 25, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E08.png I did not see Elvis "The Telltale Head"
9 March 18, 1990 no gag "Life on the Fast Lane"
10 March 25, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E10.png I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" "Homer's Night Out"
11 April 15, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E11.png Garlic gum is not funny "The Crepes of Wrath"
12 April 29, 1990 200px They are laughing at me, not with me "Krusty Gets Busted"
13 May 13, 1990 200px I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom "Some Enchanted Evening"

Season 2

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
14 October 11, 1990 200px I will not encourage others to fly "Bart Gets an F"
During the episode:
I will not fake my way through life
15 October 18, 1990 Tar is not a plaything "Simpson and Delilah"
16 October 25, 1990 no gag "Treehouse of Horror"
17 November 1, 1990 I will not Xerox my butt "Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"
Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 2, 1992 rerun
It's 'potato', not 'potatoe'
18 November 8, 1990 I will not trade pants with others "Dancin' Homer"
19 November 15, 1990 I am not a 32 year old woman "Dead Putting Society"
20 November 22, 1990 I will not do that thing with my tongue "Bart vs. Thanksgiving"
21 December 6, 1990 I will not drive the principal's car "Bart the Daredevil"
22 December 20, 1990 I will not pledge allegiance to Bart 2Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
23 January 10, 1991 I will not sell school property "Bart Gets Hit by a Car"
24 January 24, 1991 I will not cut corners
(This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.) 		"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"
25 January 31, 1991 I will not get very far with this attitude "The Way We Was"
26 February 7, 1991 I will not make flatulent noises in class "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"
27 February 14, 1991 I will not belch the national anthem "Principal Charming"
28 February 21, 1991 I will not sell land in Florida "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
29 March 7, 1991 I will not sell school property "Bart's Dog Gets an F"
30 March 28, 1991 200px I will not grease the monkey bars "Old Money"
31 April 11, 1991 I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment "Brush with Greatness"
32 April 25, 1991 no gag "Lisa's Substitute"
33 May 2, 1991 I will not do anything bad ever again "The War of the Simpsons"
34 May 9, 1991 I will not show off
(This was written in Blackletter.) 		"Three Men and a Comic Book"
35 July 11, 1991 I will not sleep through my education "Blood Feud"

Season 3

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
36 September 19, 1991 I am not a dentist "Stark Raving Dad"
37 September 26, 1991 Spitwads are not free speech "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"
38 October 3, 1991 Nobody likes sunburn slappers "When Flanders Failed"
39 October 10, 1991 High explosives and school don't mix "Bart the Murderer"
During the episode:
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
40 October 17, 1991 I will not squeak chalk
(Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.) 		"Homer Defined"
41 October 24, 1991 I will finish what I sta
(written only once) 		"Like Father, Like Clown"
42 October 31, 1991 no gag "Treehouse of Horror II"
43 November 7, 1991 "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender "Lisa's Pony"
44 November 14, 1991 I will not fake rabies "Saturdays of Thunder"
45 November 21, 1991 Underwear should be worn on the inside "Flaming Moe's"
46 December 5, 1991 The Christmas Pageant does not stink "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"
47 December 26, 1991 I will not torment the emotionally frail "I Married Marge"
48 January 9, 1992 I will not carve gods "Radio Bart"
49 January 23, 1992 no gag "Lisa the Greek"
50 February 6, 1992 I will not spank others "Homer Alone"
51 February 13, 1992 no gag "Bart the Lover"
52 February 20, 1992 I will not aim for the head "Homer at the Bat"
53 February 27, 1992 I will not barf unless I'm sick "Separate Vocations"
During the episode:
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
54 March 12, 1992 I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge "Dog of Death"
55 March 26, 1992 I will not conduct my own fire drills "Colonel Homer"
56 April 9, 1992 Funny noises are not funny "Black Widower"
57 April 23, 1992 I will not spin the turtle "The Otto Show"
58 May 7, 1992 I will not snap bras "Bart's Friend Falls in Love"
59 August 27, 1992 I will not fake seizures "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Season 4

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
60 September 24, 1992 This punishment is not boring and pointless "Kamp Krusty"
61 October 1, 1992 My name is not "Dr. Death" "A Streetcar Named Marge"
62 October 8, 1992 I will not defame New Orleans "Homer the Heretic"
63 October 15, 1992 I will not prescribe medication Lisa the Beauty Queen
64 October 29, 1992 no gag "Treehouse of Horror III"
65 November 3, 1992 I will not bury the new kid "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"
During the episode, Marge writes:
I will try to raise a better child
66 November 5, 1992 I will not teach others to fly "Marge Gets a Job"
67 November 12, 1992 I will not bring sheep to class "New Kid on the Block"
68 November 19, 1992 A burp is not an answer "Mr. Plow"
69 December 3, 1992 Teacher is not a leper "Lisa's First Word"
70 December 17, 1992 Coffee is not for kids
(Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled) 		"Homer's Triple Bypass"
71 January 14, 1993 I will not eat things for money "Marge vs. the Monorail"
72 January 21, 1993 I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call "Selma's Choice"
73 February 4, 1993 The principal's toupée is not a frisbee 2Brother from the Same Planet"
74 February 11, 1993 I will not call the principal "spud head" "I Love Lisa"
75 February 18, 1993 Goldfish don't bounce "Duffless"
76 March 11, 1993 Mud is not one of the 4 food groups "Last Exit to Springfield"
77 April 1, 1993 No one is interested in my underpants "So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show"
78 April 15, 1993 I will not sell miracle cures "The Front"
79 April 29, 1993 I will return the seeing-eye dog "Whacking Day"
80 May 6, 1993 I do not have diplomatic immunity "Marge in Chains"
81 May 13, 1993 I will not charge admission to the bathroom "Krusty Gets Kancelled"

Season 5

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
82 September 30, 1993 I will never win an Emmy "Homer's Barbershop Quartet"
83 October 7, 1993 The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy "Cape Feare"
84 October 14, 1993 no gag "Homer Goes to College"
85 October 21, 1993 no gag "Rosebud"
86 October 28, 1993 no gag "Treehouse of Horror IV"
87 November 4, 1993 no gag "Marge on the Lam"
88 November 11, 1993 no gag "Bart's Inner Child"
89 November 18, 1993 no gag "Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood"
90 December 9, 1993 All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy "The Last Temptation of Homer"
91 December 16, 1993 I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)"
92 January 6, 1994 I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers "Homer the Vigilante"
93 February 3, 1994 My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man "Bart Gets Famous"
94 February 10, 1994 I will not go near the kindergarten turtle "Homer and Apu"
95 February 17, 1994 no gag "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy"
96 February 24, 1994 no gag "Deep Space Homer"
97 March 17, 1994 I am not delightfully saucy "Homer Loves Flanders"
98 March 31, 1994 Organ transplants are best left to the professionals "Bart Gets an Elephant"
99 April 14, 1994 The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan" "Burns' Heir"
100 April 28, 1994 I will not celebrate meaningless milestones "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"
101 May 5, 1994 There are plenty of businesses like show business "The Boy Who Knew Too Much"
102 May 12, 1994 I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball "Lady Bouvier's Lover"
103 May 19, 1994 Five days is not too long to wait for a gun "Secrets of a Successful Marriage"

Season 6

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
104 September 4, 1994 Beans are neither a fruit nor musical "Bart of Darkness"
105 September 11, 1994 No one is interested in my underpants "Lisa's Rival"
106 September 25, 1994 I will not use abbrev. "Another Simpsons Clip Show"
107 October 2, 1994 I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. "Itchy & Scratchy Land"
108 October 9, 1994 no gag "Sideshow Bob Roberts"
109 October 30, 1994 no gag "Treehouse of Horror V"
110 November 6, 1994 I will not send lard through the mail "Bart's Girlfriend"
111 November 13, 1994 I will not dissect things unless instructed "Lisa on Ice"
112 November 27, 1994 I will not whittle hall passes out of soap "Homer Badman"
113 December 4, 1994 My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy"
114 December 18, 1994 Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough "Fear of Flying"
115 January 8, 1995 Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal "Homer the Great"
116 January 22, 1995 'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice "And Maggie Makes Three"
117 February 5, 1995 Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does "Bart's Comet"
118 February 12, 1995 Next time it could be me on the scaffolding "Homie the Clown"
119 February 19, 1995 I will not hang donuts on my person "Bart vs. Australia"
120 February 26, 1995 I will remember to take my medication "Homer vs. Patty & Selma"
121 March 5, 1995 no gag "A Star Is Burns"
122 March 19, 1995 I will not strut around like I own the place "Lisa's Wedding"
123 April 9, 1995 The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far "Two Dozen and One Greyhounds"
124 April 16, 1995 I do not have power of attorney over first graders "The PTA Disbands"
125 April 30, 1995 Nerve gas is not a toy "'Round Springfield"
126 May 7, 1995 I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface "The Springfield Connection"
127 May 14, 1995 The First Amendment does not cover burping "Lemon of Troy"
128 May 21, 1995 This is not a clue... or is it? "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)"

Season 7

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
129 September 17, 1995 I will not complain about the solution when I hear it "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)"
130 September 24, 1995 "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism "Radioactive Man"
131 October 1, 1995 No one wants to hear from my armpits "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily"
132 October 8, 1995 I am not a lean mean spitting machine "Bart Sells His Soul"
133 October 15, 1995 The boys' room is not a water park "Lisa the Vegetarian"
134 October 29, 1995 no gag "Treehouse of Horror VI"
135 November 5, 1995 Indian burns are not our cultural heritage "King-Size Homer"
136 November 19, 1995 no gag "Mother Simpson"
137 November 26, 1995 Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"
138 December 3, 1995 I will only do this once a year
(by "this", it means a clip show) 		"The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"
139 December 17, 1995 I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist "Marge Be Not Proud"
140 January 7, 1996 I am not certified to remove asbestos "Team Homer"
141 January 14, 1996 no gag "Two Bad Neighbors"
142 February 4, 1996 no gag "Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield"
143 February 11, 1996 no gag "Bart the Fink"
144 February 18, 1996 no gag "Lisa the Iconoclast"
145 February 25, 1996 no gag "Homer the Smithers"
146 March 17, 1996 no gag "The Day the Violence Died"
147 March 24, 1996 no gag "A Fish Called Selma"
148 March 31, 1996 no gag "Bart on the Road"
149 April 14, 1996 no gag "22 Short Films About Springfield"
150 April 28, 1996 no gag "Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish""
151 May 5, 1996 no gag "Much Apu About Nothing"
152 May 19, 1996 no gag "Homerpalooza"
153 May 19, 1996 no gag "Summer of 4 Ft. 2"

Season 8

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
154 October 27, 1996 no gag Treehouse of Horror VII
155 November 3, 1996 I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten You Only Move Twice
156 November 10, 1996 I am not my long-lost twin The Homer They Fall
157 November 17, 1996 no gag Burns, Baby Burns
158 November 24, 1996 no gag Bart After Dark
159 December 1, 1996 no gag A Milhouse Divided
160 December 15, 1996 no gag (But during the episode, Lisa writes "I will not be a snickerpuss.") Lisa's Date with Density
161 December 29, 1996 no gag Hurricane Neddy
162 January 5, 1997 no gag El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)
163 January 12, 1997 The truth is not out there("The Springfield Files," an X-Files parody episode) The Springfield Files
164 January 19, 1997 I am not licensed to do anything (referencing a James Bond movie) The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
165 February 2, 1997 no gag Mountain of Madness
166 February 7, 1997 I will not hide the teacher's Prozac Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
167 February 9, 1997 no gag The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
168 February 16, 1997 no gag Homer's Phobia
169 February 23, 1997 no gag Brother from Another Series
170 March 2, 1997 no gag My Sister, My Sitter
171 March 16, 1997 no gag Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment
172 April 6, 1997 no gag Grade School Confidential
173 April 13, 1997 A fire drill does not demand a fire The Canine Mutiny
174 April 20, 1997 no gag The Old Man and the Lisa
175 April 27, 1997 no gag In Marge We Trust
176 May 4, 1997 no gag Homer's Enemy
177 May 11, 1997 no gag The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
178 May 18, 1997 no gag The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

Season 9

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
179 September 21, 1997 no gag The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
180 September 28, 1997 no gag The Principal and the Pauper
181 October 19, 1997 I no longer want my MTV(reference to the lyrics of the Dire Straits song Money for Nothing (song), and a possible jab at MTV's declining quality due to lack of music videos and music-related programming) Lisa's Sax
182 October 26, 1997 no gag Treehouse of Horror VIII
183 November 2, 1997 Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story. The Cartridge Family
184 November 9, 1997 I did not invent Irish dancing. Bart Star
185 November 16, 1997 no gag The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
186 November 23, 1997 I will not tease Fatty. Lisa the Skeptic
187 December 7, 1997 There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" Realty Bites
188 December 21, 1997 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's red nose is not alcohol-related Miracle on Evergreen Terrace
189 January 4, 1998 no gag All Singing, All Dancing
190 January 11, 1998 no gag Bart Carny
191 February 8, 1998 Shooting paintballs is not an art form The Joy of Sect
192 February 15, 1998 no gag Das Bus
193 February 22, 1998 Pain is not the cleanser (Surprisingly, Ned Flanders shouted "Pain is the cleanser!" as he yanked his moustache in the episode Home Away from Homer.) The Last Temptation of Krust
194 March 1, 1998 Silly string is not a nasal spray. Dumbbell Indemnity
195 March 8, 1998 no gag Lisa the Simpson
196 March 22, 1998 I was told not to do this This Little Wiggy
197 March 29, 1998 My butt does not deserve a website. Simpson Tide
198 April 5, 1998 I will not demand what I'm worth (This is a reference to the voice cast's recent demands for higher pay.) The Trouble With Trillions
199 April 19, 1998 no gag Girly Edition
200 April 26, 1998 I will not mess with the opening credits(This was actually the couch gag for this episode; the rest of the family runs into the classroom to find Bart already there writing on the board.) Trash of the Titans
201 May 3, 1998 no gag King of the Hill
202 May 10, 1998 I am not the new Dalai Lama. Lost Our Lisa
203 May 17, 1998 I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" (This episode aired three days after the last episode of "Seinfeld".) Natural Born Kissers

Season 10

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
204 August 23, 1998 no gag Lard of the Dance
205 September 20, 1998 I will not file frivolous lawsuits The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
206 September 27, 1998 no gag Bart the Mother
207 October 25, 1998 The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.) Treehouse of Horror IX
208 November 8, 1998 "butt.com" is not my E-mail address(This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however.) When You Dish upon a Star
209 November 15, 1998 No one cares what my definition of "is" is D'oh-in in the Wind
210 November 22, 1998 I will not scream for ice cream Lisa Gets an "A"
211 December 6, 1998 I am not a licensed hairstylist Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"
212 December 20, 1998 "The President did it" is not an excuse (This aired a day after impeachment proceedings started against Bill Clinton) Mayored to the Mob
213 January 10, 1999 My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld Viva Ned Flanders
214 January 17, 1999 Sherri does not "got back" Wild Barts Can't Be Broken
215 January 31, 1999 I will not do "the dirty bird" (This episode aired the night of Super Bowl XXXIII, in which the Atlanta Falcons, for whom "The Dirty Bird" was a signature dance/celebration, played.) Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
216 February 7, 1999 No one cares about my sciatica Homer to the Max
217 February 14, 1999 Hillbillies are people too I'm with Cupid
218 February 21, 1999 Grammar is not a time of waste Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"
219 February 28, 1999 I do not have diplomatic immunity (Taken from 9F20) Make Room for Lisa
220 March 28, 1999 It does not suck to be you (A reference to a Prozzäk song) Maximum Homerdrive
221 April 4, 1999 I cannot absolve sins (And during Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface using hieroglyphics where possible) Simpsons Bible Stories
222 April 11, 1999 A trained ape could not teach gym Mom and Pop Art
223 April 25, 1999 Loose teeth don't need my help The Old Man and the "C" Student
224 May 2, 1999 I have neither been there nor done that Monty Can't Buy Me Love
225 May 9, 1999 No one wants to hear from my armpits (This is from 3F01) They Saved Lisa's Brain
226 May 16, 1999 I'm so very tired (At this point, Bart had been doing these gags for ten seasons.) Thirty Minutes over Tokyo


Season 11

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
227 September 26, 1999 Fridays are not "pants optional" (In Australia, Hamish and Andy (a comedy duo) have decided that Friday should be Pants off Friday.) Beyond Blunderdome
228 October 3, 1999 Pork is not a verb(the irony is that "pork" is a verb, albeit a vulgar slang term, meaning "to have sexual intercourse with") Brother's Little Helper
229 October 24, 1999 I am not the last Don(Possibly a reference to the 1997 TV minseries of the same name, which starred Joe Mantegna, voice of recurring Simpsons character Fat Tony) Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
230 October 31, 1999 no gag Treehouse of Horror X
231 November 7, 1999 I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)
232 November 14, 1999 I won't not use no double negatives(since three negatives are used, the sentence is true) Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder
233 November 21, 1999 Indian burns are not our cultural heritage (This is from 3F05) Eight Misbehavin'
234 November 28, 1999 I can't see dead people (This is a reference to The Sixth Sense) Take My Wife, Sleaze
235 December 19, 1999 I will not sell my kidney on eBay (this is impossible now, since eBay prohibits the sale of organs) Grift of the Magi
236 January 9, 2000 I will not create art from dung Little Big Mom
237 January 16, 2000 I will stop phoning it in Faith Off
238 January 23, 2000 Class clown is not a paid position The Mansion Family
239 February 6, 2000 Substitute teachers are not scabs Saddlesore Galactica
240 February 13, 2000 My suspension] was not mutual Alone Again, Natura-Diddily
241 February 20, 2000 A belch is not an oral report Missionary: Impossible
242 February 27, 2000 Dodgeball stops at the gym door Pygmoelian
243 March 19, 2000 Non-flammable is not a challenge Bart to the Future
244 April 9, 2000 I was not touched "there" by an angel Days of Wine and D'oh'ses
245 April 30, 2000 I am not here on a fartball scholarship Kill the Alligator and Run
246 May 7, 2000 I will not dance on anyone's grave Last Tap Dance in Springfield
247 May 14, 2000 I cannot hire a substitute student It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge
248 May 21, 2000 "I will not obey the voices in my head" Behind the Laughter

Season 12

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
249 November 1, 2000 no gag Treehouse of Horror XI
250 November 5, 2000 I will not plant subliminal messagore]s (aired two days before the 2000 U.S. presidential election) A Tale of Two Springfields
251 November 12, 2000 I will not surprise the incontinent Insane Clown Poppy
252 November 19, 2000 I am not the acting president (aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election) Lisa the Tree Hugger
253 November 26, 2000 I was not the sixth Beatle Homer vs. Dignity
254 December 3, 2000 I will only provide a urine sample when asked The Computer Wore Menace Shoes
255 December 10, 2000 The nurse is not dealing The Great Money Caper
256 December 17, 2000 Science class should not end in tragedy(During the episode, Skinner writes "I ain't not a dorkus") Skinner's Sense of Snow
257 January 7, 2001 Network TV is not dead HOMR
258 January 14, 2001 I will not "let the dogs out" (reference a song made popular by the Baha Men) Pokey Mom
259 February 4, 2001 I will not hide the teacher's medication Worst Episode Ever
260 February 11, 2001 I will not publish the principal's credit report Tennis the Menace
261 February 18, 2001 The hamster did not have a "full life" Day of the Jackanapes
262 February 25, 2001 I will not buy a presidential pardon(This refers to the Bill Clinton pardons controversy, involving 140 pardons he issued on his last day in office.) New Kids on the Blecch
263 March 4, 2001 "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap Hungry, Hungry Homer
264 March 11, 2001 I will not scare the vice president(a reference to VP Cheney's heart condition) Bye Bye Nerdie
265 April 1, 2001 I will not flush evidence Simpson Safari
266 April 29, 2001 Fire is not the cleanser Trilogy of Error
267 May 6, 2001 Genetics is not an excuse I'm Goin' to Praiseland
268 May 13, 2001 Today is not Mothra's Day (This episode aired on Mother's Day.) Children of a Lesser Clod
269 May 20, 2001 I should not be twenty-one by now (Referring to the fact that Bart has been the age of ten for over eleven years.) Simpsons Tall Tales

Season 13

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
270 November 6, 2001 no gag Treehouse of Horror XII
271 November 11, 2001 Nobody reads these anymore The Parent Rap
272 November 18, 2001 A burp in a jar is not a science project Homer the Moe
273 December 2, 2001 Fun does not have a size A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
274 December 9, 2001 I am not Charlie Brown on acid (reference to how critics described "South Park") The Blunder Years
275 December 16, 2001 I do not have a cereal named after me (In fact, he did: "Bart Simpson Peanut Butter Chocolate Crunch". In the UK they released "Bart Simpson's No Problem-os) She of Little Faith
276 January 6, 2002 no gag Brawl in the Family
277 January 20, 2002 no gag Sweets and Sour Marge
278 January 27, 2002 no gag Jaws Wired Shut
279 February 10, 2002 I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers(A reference to his Butterfinger commercials and how, after a blatant jab two episodes earlier, the ads had been canceled.) Half-Decent Proposal
280 February 17, 2002 The Giving Tree is not a chump The Bart Wants What It Wants
281 February 24, 2002 Making Milhouse cry is not a science project The Lastest Gun in the West
282 March 10, 2002 no gag The Old Man and the Key
283 March 17, 2002 Vampire is not a career choice Tales from the Public Domain
284 March 31, 2002 no gag Blame It on Lisa
285 April 7, 2002 no gag Weekend at Burnsie's
286 April 21, 2002 no gag Gump Roast
287 April 28, 2002 no gag I Am Furious Yellow
288 May 5, 2002 I will never lie about being cancelled again (a reference to Matt Groening spreading a rumor that The Simpsons was going to end its run after this season) The Sweetest Apu
289 May 12, 2002 no gag Little Girl in the Big Ten
290 May 19, 2002 no gag The Frying Game
291 May 22, 2002 no gag Papa's Got a Brand New Badge

Season 14

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
292 November 3, 2002 no gag Treehouse of Horror XIII
293 November 10, 2002 no gag How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
294 November 17, 2002 Fish do not like coffee Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade
295 November 24, 2002 no gag Large Marge
296 December 1, 2002 Milhouse did not test cootie positive Helter Shelter
297 December 15, 2002 no gag The Great Louse Detective
298 January 5, 2003 no gag Special Edna
299 January 12, 2003 no gag The Dad Who Knew Too Little
300 February 2, 2003 This school does not need a "regime change" (reference to the then-upcoming War In Iraq) Strong Arms of the Ma
301 February 9, 2003 SpongeBob is not a contraceptive Pray Anything
302 February 16, 2003 I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing.) Barting Over
303 February 16, 2003 no gag I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can
304 March 2, 2003 no gag A Star Is Born-Again
305 March 9, 2003 no gag Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington
306 March 16, 2003 no gag C.E. D'oh
307 March 30, 2003 no gag 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky
308 April 13, 2003 no gag Three Gays of the Condo
309 April 27, 2003 no gag Dude, Where's My Ranch?
310 May 4, 2003 My pen is not a booger launcher Old Yeller Belly
311 May 11, 2003 no gag Brake My Wife, Please
312 May 18, 2003 Sandwiches should not contain sand Bart of War
313 May 18, 2003 no gag Moe Baby Blues

Season 15

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
314 November 2, 2003 no gag Treehouse of Horror XIV
315 November 9, 2003 no gag My Mother the Carjacker
316 November 16, 2003 no gag The President Wore Pearls
317 November 23, 2003 no gag The Regina Monologues
318 November 30, 2003 no gag The Fat and the Furriest
319 December 7, 2003 Over forty & single is not funny Today I Am a Clown
320 December 14, 2003 no gag 'Tis the Fifteenth Season
321 January 4, 2004 no gag Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays
322 January 11, 2004 no gag I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot
323 January 25, 2004 no gag Diatribe of a Mad Housewife
324 February 8, 2004 no gag Margical History Tour
325 February 15, 2004 no gag Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
326 February 22, 2004 no gag Smart and Smarter
327 March 14, 2004 I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
328 March 21, 2004 no gag Co-Dependent's Day
329 March 28, 2004 no gag The Wandering Juvie
330 April 18, 2004 no gag My Big Fat Geek Wedding
331 April 25, 2004 no gag Catch 'Em if You Can
332 May 2, 2004 no gag Simple Simpson
333 May 9, 2004 no gag The Way We Weren't
334 May 16, 2004 no gag Bart-Mangled Banner
335 May 23, 2004 no gag Fraudcast News


Season 16

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
336 November 7, 2004 no gag Treehouse of Horror XV
337 November 14, 2004 no gag All's Fair in Oven War
338 November 21, 2004 no gag Sleeping with the Enemy
339 December 5, 2004 Poking a dead raccoon is not research She Used to Be My Girl
340 December 12, 2004 no gag Fat Man and Little Boy
341 January 16, 2005 no gag Midnight Rx
342 January 30, 2005 no gag Mommie Beerest
343 February 6, 2005 no gag Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
344 February 13, 2005 no gag Pranksta Rap
345 February 20, 2005 no gag There's Something About Marrying
346 March 6, 2005 Beer in a milk carton is not milk On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister
347 March 13, 2005 no gag Goo Goo Gai Pan
348 March 20, 2005 no gag Mobile Homer
349 April 3, 2005 no gag The Seven-Beer Snitch
350 April 17, 2005 no gag Future-Drama
351 May 1, 2005 no gag Don't Fear the Roofer
352 May 1, 2005 There is no gag in the opening scene. In the middle of the episode, the chalkboard gag is replaced with Bart buying snacks from the vending machine. The Heartbroke Kid
353 May 8, 2005 no gag A Star Is Torn
354 May 8, 2005 no gag Thank God It's Doomsday
355 May 15, 2005 A booger is not a bookmark Home Away from Homer
356 May 15, 2005 no gag The Father, The Son & The Holy Guest Star

Season 17

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
357 September 11, 2005 Does any kid still do this anymore? (refers to the diminishing frequency of the chalkboard gag, as well as the real-life punishment) Bonfire of the Manatees
358 September 18, 2005 no gag The Girl Who Slept Too Little
359 September 25, 2005 no gag Milhouse of Sand and Fog
360 November 6, 2005 no gag Treehouse of Horror XVI
361 November 13, 2005 no gag Marge's Son Poisoning
362 November 20, 2005 no gag See Homer Run
363 November 27, 2005 no gag The Last of the Red Hat Mamas
364 December 11, 2005 no gag The Italian Bob
365 December 18, 2005 no gag Simpsons Christmas Stories
366 January 8, 2006 I am not smarter than the President Homer's Paternity Coot
367 January 29, 2006 Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual We're on the Road to D'ohwhere
368 February 26, 2006 no gag My Fair Laddy
369 March 12, 2006 no gag The Seemingly Never-Ending Story
370 March 19, 2006 no gag Bart Has Two Mommies
371 March 26, 2006 I will not laminate dog doo (The first airing of this episode included a special live action opening with 'I will not eat things for money' as the gag.) Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife
372 April 2, 2006 I will not flip the classroom upside down (The classroom is flipped upside down.) Million Dollar Abie
373 April 9, 2006 no gag Kiss Kiss, Bang Bangalore
374 April 23, 2006 no gag The Wettest Stories Ever Told
375 April 30, 2006 no gag Girls Just Want to Have Sums
376 May 7, 2006 I will not leak the plot of the movie Regarding Margie
377 May 14, 2006 Je ne parle pas français ("I do not speak French.") The Monkey Suit
378 May 21, 2006 Have a great summer, everyone (last episode of the season) Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play


Season 18

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
379 September 10, 2006 no gag "The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer"
380 September 17, 2006 no gag "Jazzy and the Pussycats"
381 September 24, 2006 no gag'(But during the episode, Skinner writes "A baby beat me up" when Bart begins torturing Skinner by taking advantage of his peanut allergy) "Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em"
382 November 5, 2006 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XVII"
383 November 12, 2006 We are not all naked under our clothes "G.I. D'oh"
384 November 19, 2006 no gag "Moe'N'a Lisa"
385 November 26, 2006 no gag "Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair)"
386 December 10, 2006 no gag "The Haw-Hawed Couple"
387 December 17, 2006 Frankincense is not a monster "Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2"
388 January 7, 2007 no gag "The Wife Aquatic"
389 January 28, 2007 no gag "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times"
390 February 11, 2007 no gag'(But during the episode, Bart writes "So long suckers") "Little Big Girl"
391 February 18, 2007 no gag "Springfield Up"
392 March 4, 2007 no gag "Yokel Chords"
393 March 11, 2007 no gag "Rome-old and Juli-eh"
394 March 25, 2007 Global Warming did not eat my homework "Homerazzi"
395 April 22, 2007 no gag "Marge Gamer"
396 April 29, 2007 no gag "The Boys of Bummer"
397 May 6, 2007 I will not look up how much teacher makes "Crook and Ladder"
398 May 13, 2007 Pearls are not oyster barf "Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot"
399 May 20, 2007 no gag'(special 24-style opening) "24 Minutes"
400 May 20, 2007 no gag'(normal opening sequence replaced with a black screen that says "20 years ago", followed by a full showing of the Tracy Ullman Show Simpsons short "Family Portrait") "You Kent Always Say What You Want"

The Simpsons Movie

# Airdate Gag Movie Name
1 July 27, 2007 I will not illegally download this movie The Simpsons Movie


Season 19

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
401 September 23, 2007 I will not wait 20 years to make another movie "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs"
402 September 30, 2007 The Wall Street Journal is better than ever "The Homer of Seville"
403 October 7, 2007 no gag "Midnight Towboy"
404 October 14, 2007 I am not a FDIC-insured bank. "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
405 November 4, 2007 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XVIII"
406 November 11, 2007 There is no such thing as an iPoddy(NOTE: This episode has some added laughing from Bart while he runs out of the classroom.) "Little Orphan Millie"
407 November 18, 2007 The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens "Husbands and Knives"
408 November 25, 2007 no gag "Funeral for a Fiend"
409 December 16, 2007 The capital of Montana is not "Hannah" "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind"
410 January 6, 2008 Teacher did not pay too much for her condo "E Pluribus Wiggum"
411 January 27, 2008 no gag "That '90s Show"
412 February 17, 2008 no gag "Love, Springfieldian Style"
413 March 2, 2008 The art teacher is fat, not pregnant "The Debarted"
414 March 9, 2008 no gag "Dial 'N' for Nerder"
415 March 30, 2008 no gag "Smoke On The Daughter"
416 April 13, 2008 no gag "Papa Don't Leech"
417 April 27, 2008 A persons a person, no mater how Ralph. "Apocalypse Cow"
418 May 4, 2008 no gag "Any Given Sundance"
419 May 11, 2008 This punishment is not medivial. (in medivial writing style.) "Mona Leaves-a"
420 MAy 18, 2008 no gag "All About Lisa"

Season 20

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
421 September 28, 2008 no gag "Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes"
422 October 5, 2008 Teachers diet is working. "Lost Verizon"
423 October 19, 2008 There is no such month as Rocktober "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"
424 November 2, 2008 None "Treehouse of Horror XIX"
425 November 9, 2008 I did not see Teacher siphoning gas. "Dangerous Curves"
426 November 16, 2008 No gag "Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"
427 November 30, 2008 Prosperity is just around the corner. "Mypods and Boomsticks"
428 December 7, 2008 Jesus is not mad His birthday is on Christmas "The Burns and the Bees"
429 January 25, 2009 I Will Not use Permanet ink on the Chalkboard "Lisa The Drama Queen"
430 February 15, 2009

HDTV is Worth Every Cent (The episode was the first one in HD)

"Take My Life, Please"
431 March 1, 2009 "March Madness" is Not an Excuse for Missing School "How the Test Was Won"
432 March 8, 2009 "I will not have fun with educational toys." "No Loan Again, Naturally
433 March 15, 2009 No gag "Gone Maggie Gone"
434 March 22, 2009 "Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks." "In the Name of the Grandfather"
435 March 29, 2009 "My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds." "Wedding for Disaster"
436 April 5, 2009 No gag "Eeny Teeny Maya Moe"
437 April 19, 2009 "I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone." "The Good, the Sad and the Drugly"
438 April 26, 2009 "I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy." "Father Knows Worst"
439 May 3, 2009 No gag "Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh"
440 May 10, 2009 No gag "Four Great Women and a Manicure"
441 May 17, 2009 "It's 'Facebook,' not 'Assbook.'" "Coming to Homerica"

Season 21

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
442 September 27, 2009 "The class hamster isn't just sleeping." "Homer the Whopper"
443 October 4, 2009 "Chalkboarding is not torture." "Bart Gets a 'Z'"
444 October 11, 2009 "I am not allergic to long division." "The Great Wife Hope"
445 October 18, 2009 None "Treehouse of Horror XX"
446 November 15, 2009 "I do not have the hots for my mom." "The Devil Wears Nada"
447 November 22, 2009 "Halloween doesn't kick Thanksgiving's ass." "Pranks and Greens"
448 November 29, 2009 "Teachers' unions are not ruining this country." "Rednecks and Broomsticks"
449 December 13, 2009 No gag "O Brother, Where Bart Thou?"
450 January 3, 2010 No gag "Thursdays with Abie"
451 January 10, 2010 "The world may end in 2012, but this show won't." "Once Upon a Time in Springfield"
452 January 31, 2010 no gag "Million Dollar Maybe"
453 February 14, 2010 no gag "Boy Meets Curl"
454 February 21, 2010 No gag "The Color Yellow"
455 March 14, 2010 No gag "Postcards from the Wedge"
456 March 21, 2010 "WWII could not beat up WWI" "Stealing First Base"
457 March 28, 2010 no gag "The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed"
458 April 11, 2010 "Hot dogs are not bookmarks." "American History X-cellent"
459 April 18, 2010 "This counts as gym and art class" "Chief of Hearts"
460 April 25, 2010 "South Park, We'd Stand Beside You If We Weren't So Scared" (The South Park Creators had death threats) "The Squirt and the Whale"
461 May 2, 2010 No Gag

"To Surveil With Love"

462 May 9, 2010 "Eating my vegetables IS NOT a Mother's Day present". "Moe Letter Blues"
463 May 16, 2010 "Batman Is Not 'Nothing' Without His Utility Belt" "The Bob Next Door"
464 May 23, 2010 "End of Lost: It was all the dog's dream. Watch Us." "Judge Me Tender"

Season 22

# Airdate Gag Episode Name
465 September 26, 2010 "When I slept in class it was not to help Leo DiCaprio" "Elementary School Musical"
466 October 3, 2010 "I did not see Teacher applying for welfare" "Loan-a Lisa"
467 October 10, 2010 "I will not write on the walls" "MoneyBART"
468 November 7, 2010 No gag "Treehouse of Horror XXI"
469 November 14, 2010 No gag "Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life"
470 November 21, 2010 No gag "The Fool Monty"
471 November 28, 2010 "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" is as good as "A Charlie Brown Christmas" "How Munched Is that Birdie in the Window?"
472 December 5, 2010 No gag "The Fight Before Christmas"
473 December 12, 2010 "Candy canes are not elf bones" "Donnie Fatso"
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