Difference between revisions of "Guess Who's Coming to Skinner/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 14:50, December 11, 2025

Bart: Well, there's only one cure for this type of boredom. A Gilded Age home invasion.

Principal Skinner: This horseplay stops now. Globes down.

Bart: Heads up.

Principal Skinner: Raise my head? Heard and understood.

Principal Skinner: Oh, these past weeks have been difficult. Five eyeball surgeries. Two lid grafts. Now I have rods, but no cones. But I have a purpose. Even though it's the last day before spring break, I had to come back so I could say the words every principal dreams of saying. [to Homer and Marge] You are garbage parents.

Marge: Garbage parents?

Homer: Even me?

Principal Skinner: All you parents are the same. Take credit when your kids succeed and make excuses when they fail. It's disgusting. It's because of parents like you that... [over the PA] I hate children!

Agnes Skinner: [letter left for Skinner] Dear Seymour, I'm sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital. Oh. No mother wants to see her son... period.

Groundskeeper Willie: Go away. I'm about to score with my wife.

Principal Skinner: But there's a creature loose in the school.

Willie: Why didn't you say so, man?

Maisie MacWeldon: Our Scottish Scrabble game can wait. Now go kill a frightened, defenseless animal that stumbled into the world of man.

Hub: I'm a ghost of a kid who died long ago when kids used to die all the time.

Groundskeeper Willie: A specter! Those weren't dog bones I found in the sandbox!

Principal Skinner: This blatant infraction is going directly into your file.

Hub: Well, good luck with that, sparkle tears. I'm not in there.

Principal Skinner: You're not enrolled? But I've seen you. You're in Ms. Peyton's class. One of those kids that sits in the back between Eyeglasses Girl and Bucktooth Boy and never speaks.

Principal Skinner: Where are your parents?

Hub: Where are your parents?

Principal Skinner: My mother's with Jasper, and my father's ashes are in a bag in the upstairs sewing room.

Principal Skinner: I've got this, sir. I'm calling Child Services.

Superintendent Chalmers: You do, and I will cut you like a bitch.

Superintendent Chalmers: The next time I see you, you better have my money... requisition forms for next year's textbooks.

Hub: [to Skinner] Oh, my God. You are so dumb. How did you live this long?

Principal Skinner: Get back in here.

Hub: Aw. But I was gonna go out and find America. This was fun, but I gotta go. You've been a great host. Five stars.

Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson. I come to you hat in hand. I've never had to deal with a child outside the hours of 8:10 to 2:45. I need your advice. How do I handle this handful?

[Homer and Marge start laughing]

Homer: You're asking us? The garbage parents?

Marge: [cackles] But we spawned a monster.

[both start cackling]

Homer: One day with a kid, and he's already broken.

[both laughing]

Marge: And now he needs our help.

Hub: I'm cold. Can you turn the heat up?

Nelson Muntz: You're the client. [farts]

Hub: You saved me. All I've done is say mean stuff to you, run away and scratch up all your records where dogs bark Christmas carols.

Principal Skinner: It's fine. Those dogs are long dead anyway. It's not like I can go see them in concert again.

Principal Skinner: I did it. I'm parenting, and I'm good at it.

Hub: Okay, so, the thing you guys don't get about Farmer McGregor is he's the best actor in the world, and you're just a bunch of dumb animals. Now, let's have fun with this.

Martin Prince: What the hell is this [bleep]? Farmer McGregor only has three lines and two of them are, "Here comes Peter Rabbit." Me.

Ms. Peyton: Milhouse is a joy to have in the room. He just needs to stop practicing his kissing on female lunch box images.

Kirk Van Houten: You hear that, Luann? Female.

Nelson: Ha-ha! You thought he was running to you.

Principal Skinner: Your mother dances for coupons, and your father has a second family he loves more than you.

Nelson: [whimpers]

Hub: Mom and Dad dumped me at boarding school with a bunch of other snooty jerks with rich parents who don't give a crap. I couldn't take it, so I bailed and came to Springfield. I liked it here.

Mr. Hubley: And now we've found you.

Hub: Yeah, well, it only took you like five months.

Hub: [as Farmer McGregor] A farmer rises with the sun, coaxing life out of the earth and nourishing the beasts under his dominion. But I wanna talk about one particular creature on my farm. A wayward mouse who had been abandoned by his rich mouse parents at an elite boarding farm.

Lisa: Wait, I didn't write any of this mouse junk.

Milhouse Van Houten: You didn't write anything. You just ran the room.

Lisa: Picking good stuff is just as hard as creating good stuff.

Hub: [as Farmer McGregor] The mouse ran away and hid in the barn, blending in with the other animals, afraid to call attention to himself. Then, a kind old mouse found him. He shared with him the cheese of encouragement. And with that, the mouse spread his wings and became a magnificent Mr. Pibbb-drinking butterfly. But now, the little mouse has to leave, and he'll never forget the kind older mouse who believed in him, allowing him to see more.