The Cad and the Hat/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Lisa: Bart and I haven't always been the best of friends. And we're here to tell you a story of a time when we really didn't get along. But we found our way! And we like each other better than ever!
- Bart: Way to spoil the ending, nerd-burger.
- Homer: Mmm, nerd-burger.
- Mayor Quimby: After years of pollution in Springfield Bay, I am honored to announce that these waters are now safe to swim in.
- [crowd cheers]
- Sideshow Mel: Huzzah for a cleaner Springfield!
- Mayor Quimby: Er, uh, it's not cleaner. We just lowered the safety standards.
- [crowd cheers]
- Old Jewish man: Checkmate. Ha! It's the only mate I haven't buried.
- Bart: Do you even know the names of the pieces?
- Homer: Of course. There's the King, Mrs. King, the Lightbulb Babies, the Mini Ashtray, Slit Face. And who could forget Dr. Horse?
- Bart: How can Dad play chess? He can't even remember the rules to Chutes and Ladders.
- Homer: I do so!
- Lisa: You always think ladders go down.
- Homer: You can go down a ladder.
- Marge: Oh, God, not this again.
- Homer: I go down ladders all the time.
- Nelson Muntz: Haw haw! Bart's getting beat up by a beach turkey!
- Homer: Okay, a few ground rules. Everything I say, I want five of. Five Krusty Burgers...
- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Got it. Five Krusty Burgers.
- Homer: No! I thought I was clear. 25 Krusty Burgers!
- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: 125 Krusty Burgers?
- Homer: No! That's not what I... Fine.
- Marge: I've got to say, it's so exciting to find out something new about you.
- Homer: Hey, I'm full of surprises.
- Marge: Ooh. Name another.
- Homer: Actually, that's it.
- Lisa: I can't find Sunny anywhere.
- Homer: Sunny? No! We got to find Sunny! Where-- Wait. The baby's name is Maggie.
- Moe Szyslak: Yeah, Homer, you're some kind of an idiot savant.
- Homer: Hey, I don't come here to be insulted.
- Moe: Homer, we're just saying youse got a special skill, like a smokin' monkey or a urinal cake with an ad on it. Don't tell me you're not flattered by those analogies.
- Moe: So, Homer, how did you get so good at chess?
- Homer: I played against my dad.
- Moe: Uh, was that fun?
- Homer: It was, until I learned the pieces weren't licorice.
- Bart's guilt: You know these cartoons are made by exploiting Korean children?
- Bart: You ruin everything.
- Magnus Carlsen: I'm world chess champion Magnus Carlsen.
- Homer: [gasps] I understand Norwegian!
- Ned Flanders: Boys, are you performing miracles?
- Todd Flanders: Jesus is performing them through us.
- Ned: Well, all right, then.
- Homer: [chuckles] I do some of my best fathering when I'm not around.
