  
The Serfsons/Quotes
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- Rainier Wolfcastle: Your hovel got in the way of my horse. Kiss his hooves in apology.
- Homer: Mm! Mm! Mm! [chuckles] Oh, please, forgive us, noble steed. Mm! Mm! Our nostrils are not worthy of your mighty stench. Mm! Mm! Are those new horseshoes? Oh, they look good on you! Mm! Mm! Mm!
- Lisa: Lousy nobles! We serfs are starving, while they're feasting and jousting and posing for tapestries where they're friends with a unicorn. As if any unicorn would like them. Unicorns like nice people-- I'm a nice person.
- Homer: I told you to lay off feudalism. It's the only system we know. We have no choice about it, and therefore it's the best.
- Lisa: The system is designed to keep us down.
- Marge: That's not true. In a great country like ours, a poor girl can grow up to be anything she wants-- a wife or a harlot and... that's it.
- Jacqueline Bouvier: I wanted to be a harlot, but it's all who you know.
- Marge: It's never too late. Everyone is somebody's weird fetish.
- Ice Walker: I'm sorry, baby. I know I screwed up. But you got to give me another chance. I love you.
- Marge: She's 900 years younger than you, you pervert.
- Ice Walker: I like 'em young, that ain't no crime.
- Marge: Okay, we just need to come up with a hundred gold pieces. How much do we have in our savings?
- Homer: Hmm... let me think. There's that thing... [mumbles] What are savings?
- Marge: Homer Serfson, you are the most selfish jerk in the entire Tri-Kingdom Area! I should have listened to that witch and married my twin brother, Markery.
- Markery: Always here if you need me, sis.
- Homer: Get lost, freak! She chose me!
- Homer: Uh, Lord Montgomery? I've had some unforeseen family medical expenses, and I was wondering, could I get an advance on my salary? Uh, but first, can I have a salary?
- Marge: [groans] Hi, Azzlan.
- Azzlan: Marge, my child. I've come to offer solace in this difficult time.
- Marge: You mean convert me to your religion when I'm at my most vulnerable?
- Azzlan: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just here to ask you an important question. Have you heard the news?
- Marge: Yes, yes. I will be saved. Thanks so much for stopping by.
- Azzlan: I'm just going to leave you with this literature, praise God...
- Lisa: Do you have your lucky lead nugget?
- Homer: Always. A lead-lick a day keeps the doctor a-blah...
- Jacqueline Bouvier: I want to die.
- Homer: [groans] Oh, typical! "I want to live, I want to die." Just make up your mind-- they're both terrible.
- Jacqueline Bouvier: I dated a shape-shifter once. I thought I could keep him from changing. I was wrong. Love is a fairy tale!
- Sorcerer-intendent Chalmers: Your daughter has been detected using witchcraft. Under the Magic: The Gathering Act, she is hereby property of the crown.
- Homer: You can't nap my kid! That's kidnapping!
- Homer: Peasants, peons, and distinguished beggars! Aren't you tired of the nobles taking the wheat we sow, the yarn we spin, and the wine we steal from travelers we murder on the road? They even take our children. And not just the worthless Barts, but the magical Lisas. If we can put a moon-spangled hat on a man, why can't we kill a bunch of rich jerks and take their stuff?!
- Bart: Milhouses, save your girlfriend!
- Goblin Milhouses: Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!
- Lisa: Okay, no, um... I'm just a friend who is a girl.
- Goblin Milhouses: It's something to build on.
- Jacqueline Bouvier: Life is about moving forward. Girls want to be women, women want to be mothers, mothers want to be grandmas, and grandmas want to know what comes next.
- Marge: But what if I'm not ready?
- Jacqueline Bouvier: I wouldn't leave you if I didn't know you'll be all right.
- Marge: Okay, Mom. I understand.
- Jacqueline Bouvier: Maybe I was born a peasant, but I'm going out an ice queen.
- Homer: All is well-- the nobles are defeated, the dragon is dead, and I've got a daughter who can turn lead into gold!
- Lisa: Ooh. Um, actually, I can't anymore. Dragon fire is the source of all magic. And Grandma killed the last one. Everything wondrous and extraordinary about our world is going to fade. But maybe now we can use science to improve our world. With new technologies, we can put an end to poverty and disease. Sure, it'll be hard work, but far more rewarding than waving your hand over a rock to change it into gold. [chuckles] I mean...
- Homer: Please come back, magic! Live, damn you, live.
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