Difference between revisions of "Diatribe of a Mad Housewife/Quotes"
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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|I, (Annoyed Grunt)-bot|Margical History Tour}} | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|I, (Annoyed Grunt)-bot|Margical History Tour}} | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} You were gonna start a novel without informing me?! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, you left two jobs and bought an ambulance without even a phone call! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I also fed some ducklings. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} I know, I got your message. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Marge, I figured it out! [[Lee Harvey Oswald]] wanted to steal the Jack Ruby! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} [[Jack Ruby]] was a man, not a jewel. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, I was so close! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need some dinner STAT! And the kids need some CPR lessons. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} We're not paramedics! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I'll say. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|{{Ch|Tom Clancy}}}} Hello, this is Tom Clancy. Would I say, "If you're hunting for a good read this October, Marge Simpson's book is a clear and present danger to your free time"? Hell no I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count! Hello. Hello? | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} ''[to herself]'' I'm finished, and it's so suggestive. Well like they say "snuggling sells." | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' Here in my car, I am hosing off blood. Some of its mine, but most of its not. Here's Marge. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Homie, I finished my novel... | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Wooh, typed. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} It's really important that you read it and tell me what you think. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} No problem. Aww 286 pages! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} It's double spaced. | |
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Woo hoo! I'm half-way through! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} How can you write such horrible things about me? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} You told me you liked it! You didn't read it at all! You lied to me! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Ned Flanders]]}} Did you agree to be married to a drunken lout who wouldn't respect you? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Pretty much. We wrote our own vows. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Well? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Well what? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Did you read it? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[right eye bounces left to right twice]'' Um... yes. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Did you like it? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[left eye bounces left to right twice]'' Um... yes. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Do you think I should publish it? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} You know what I say, publish or parish! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | : | + | :''[Inside Lisa's brain.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Jealousy}} I can't believe mom wrote a book before we did! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Honesty}} And it's a little trashy. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Conscience}} Mom has expressed herself; we should nurture her. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Libido}} Let's kiss boys! Binge and purge! Rock and roll! | |
| + | {{qf|Conscience}} ''[to Libido]'' You're not getting out until we're 16. | ||
| + | {{qf|Libido}} ''[growls, waving her arms in a comical fashion]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[The windsock at [[Boris' | + | {{qf|Marge}} Did you like it? |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[puts down last page]'' Don't you think you're a little hard on Dad? | |
| + | {{qf|Marge}} What do you mean? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[reading page]'' He went to the shop with the sign: Salted Blowholes. "[[Mmm...]] Blowholes," he drooled.' Doesn't that sound a little like Dad? | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Yes, I guess it does resemble your father. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[The windsock at [[Boris' Car Loft]] is ripped from its platform; it flies away.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Awww. That was my only friend here. | ||
:''[Homer gets up on the platform and "performs" in the windsock's place.]'' | :''[Homer gets up on the platform and "performs" in the windsock's place.]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[Homer's driving the ambulance with | + | :''[Homer's driving the ambulance with Comic Book Guy - who's clutching his heart - in the back.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} So, where to, my friend? | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Comic Book Guy]]}} I already told you: the hospital! You're an ambulance, not a cab! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} The hospital, huh? Seems like everyone's going there tonight. | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Homer's driving the ambulance with an unconscious man in the back.]'' | :''[Homer's driving the ambulance with an unconscious man in the back.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[to the unconscious man]'' So, you got any kids? ''[beat]'' Quiet kind, huh? | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Bart, this is horrible! What if Dad reads it? | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} It's too long; he won't read it. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Well, what if they make it into a movie? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} It's too sappy; he won't see it. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Well, what if they do a parody about it on {{W|MADtv}}? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[gasps]'' We're doomed! | |
{{Season 15|Q}} | {{Season 15|Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 18:03, October 15, 2021
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- Homer: You were gonna start a novel without informing me?!
- Marge: Homer, you left two jobs and bought an ambulance without even a phone call!
- Homer: I also fed some ducklings.
- Marge: I know, I got your message.
- Homer: Marge, I figured it out! Lee Harvey Oswald wanted to steal the Jack Ruby!
- Marge: Jack Ruby was a man, not a jewel.
- Homer: Oh, I was so close!
- Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need some dinner STAT! And the kids need some CPR lessons.
- Lisa: We're not paramedics!
- Homer: I'll say.
- Tom Clancy: Hello, this is Tom Clancy. Would I say, "If you're hunting for a good read this October, Marge Simpson's book is a clear and present danger to your free time"? Hell no I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count! Hello. Hello?
- Marge: [to herself] I'm finished, and it's so suggestive. Well like they say "snuggling sells."
- Homer: [singing] Here in my car, I am hosing off blood. Some of its mine, but most of its not. Here's Marge.
- Marge: Homie, I finished my novel...
- Homer: Wooh, typed.
- Marge: It's really important that you read it and tell me what you think.
- Homer: No problem. Aww 286 pages!
- Marge: It's double spaced.
- Homer: Woo hoo! I'm half-way through!
- Homer: How can you write such horrible things about me?
- Marge: You told me you liked it! You didn't read it at all! You lied to me!
- Homer: I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
- Ned Flanders: Did you agree to be married to a drunken lout who wouldn't respect you?
- Marge: Pretty much. We wrote our own vows.
- Marge: Well?
- Homer: Well what?
- Marge: Did you read it?
- Homer: [right eye bounces left to right twice] Um... yes.
- Marge: Did you like it?
- Homer: [left eye bounces left to right twice] Um... yes.
- Marge: Do you think I should publish it?
- Homer: You know what I say, publish or parish!
- [Inside Lisa's brain.]
- Jealousy: I can't believe mom wrote a book before we did!
- Honesty: And it's a little trashy.
- Conscience: Mom has expressed herself; we should nurture her.
- Libido: Let's kiss boys! Binge and purge! Rock and roll!
- Conscience: [to Libido] You're not getting out until we're 16.
- Libido: [growls, waving her arms in a comical fashion]
- Marge: Did you like it?
- Lisa: [puts down last page] Don't you think you're a little hard on Dad?
- Marge: What do you mean?
- Lisa: [reading page] He went to the shop with the sign: Salted Blowholes. "Mmm... Blowholes," he drooled.' Doesn't that sound a little like Dad?
- Marge: Yes, I guess it does resemble your father.
- [The windsock at Boris' Car Loft is ripped from its platform; it flies away.]
- Homer: Awww. That was my only friend here.
- [Homer gets up on the platform and "performs" in the windsock's place.]
- [Homer's driving the ambulance with Comic Book Guy - who's clutching his heart - in the back.]
- Homer: So, where to, my friend?
- Comic Book Guy: I already told you: the hospital! You're an ambulance, not a cab!
- Homer: The hospital, huh? Seems like everyone's going there tonight.
- [Homer's driving the ambulance with an unconscious man in the back.]
- Homer: [to the unconscious man] So, you got any kids? [beat] Quiet kind, huh?
- Lisa: Bart, this is horrible! What if Dad reads it?
- Bart: It's too long; he won't read it.
- Lisa: Well, what if they make it into a movie?
- Bart: It's too sappy; he won't see it.
- Lisa: Well, what if they do a parody about it on MADtv?
- Bart: [gasps] We're doomed!
