| To Kill a Scoundrel
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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To Kill a Scoundrel is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Love and War content update. It requires Esme Delacroix to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Esme Delacroix's exclamation mark
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Esme! The sales numbers just came in for "To Divorce a Scoundrel" and they're record-breaking!
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That's unsurprising. The idea was so strong that anyone could have written that novel, really. Anyone who went to Yale, that is.
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So, how many did we sell?
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Zero!
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I didn't sell a single copy?
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I'm afraid not. And your display copy from the store window was stolen, so you owe us.
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This is terrible. What am I going to do?
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Well, with numbers this bad, it looks like your Scoundrel series is over.
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But what about my sequels, "The Scoundrel in the Rye," "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Scoundrels," and "The Complete Scoundrels Guide to Idiots?"
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Canceled, I'm afraid. The publisher doesn't think it's a profitable investment anymore.
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But cheer up, lots of women in their fifties start new careers. Have you heard of ViewTube?
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You think I can become a ViewTube influencer?
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No, but I think you can learn from their training videos.
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| Task: "Make Esme Delacroix Investigate ViewTube". The job takes place at Books! Books! And Additional Books! or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Esme Delacroix's exclamation mark
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Esme, I heard about the book. I'm so sorry.
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I'm not going to lie to you, Marge. This is the worst day of my entire life.
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Except for that time I had to read an entire Young Adult vampire trilogy in one day. Did I say "read"? I meant "write".
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Oh, you poor thing. Why don't you come over for dinner the next time you have a free evening?
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Let me check my calendar. Let's see, I have an opening... every night for the rest of my life now.
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Task: "Make Esme Delacroix Go to Dinner With Marge". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
If Marge is owned: Task: "Make Marge Cook Dinner for Esme". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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Thank you, Marge. That was a wonderful meal. Much better than all the Krusty burgers that await my future.
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Mom, can we go watch cartoons now?
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Yeah, Itchy and Scratchy have a new episode tonight where Itchy dies so his ghost can wipe out all of Scratchy's ancestors in the afterlife.
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What's "Itchy and Scratchy"?
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Only the best show ever. It compresses the blood and guts from a McBain movie down to 30 seconds, which is my exact attention span.
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And I find the intrinsic battle between good and evil viscerally — oh, who am I kidding? It's wicked funny!
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Wow, you children get really excited about this show! Tell me more.
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Sorry lady, already lost interest.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Esme Delacroix's exclamation mark
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Esme Delacroix! Why would a classy smut writer like you want to write for "Itchy and Scratchy"?
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I think I can bring an unparalleled level of sophistication to your show and modernize it for the next era of television.
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Got it. You need a quick payday. Now you realize writing for kids animation is the lowest paying genre of television writing with limitless rewrites and no residuals.
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So, when do I start?
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Immediately! Where were you when I was producing adult entertainment?
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| Task: "Make Esme Delacroix Write an Itchy and Scratchy Episode". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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Thanks for coming to watch your big debut at our house, Esme. I can't wait to see it!
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Thanks. I'm excited to be here and watch the kids' faces.
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Shhh! It's starting!
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I've got you cornered now, Scratchy. Time to do something I've always wanted to do... *reaches in pocket*
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...
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*pulls out ring* Will you marry me?
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Huh?
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What the—?
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Esme Delacroix's exclamation mark
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Lisa, did Itchy just give Scratchy a diamond ring?
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Yep.
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And he didn't use it to slit his throat or gouge an eyeball?
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Nope.
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Real time commentary. I'm not used to that in the book world.
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I'm also not used to turning off the TV and running out of the room.
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Task: "Make Esme Delacroix Wait for Feedback". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Stall". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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Kids, what did you think?
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Well... umm... it was... it was... it was...
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The right length...?
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Yay! That's exactly what they said about "War and Peace and Scoundrels"! Hold on, Roger is calling. Probably to congratulate me!
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*on phone* Uh huh... Uh huh... Oh really? Okay, bye.
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What did he say?
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Three things: I killed the franchise. I'm fired. And he's going back to adult entertainment.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Esme Delacroix's exclamation mark
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Tough break, Esme. If you want, I could always use more help on my next novel, "Thunder Down Under".
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Does it need any scoundrels?
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If I answer that will you charge me another consulting fee?
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Never mind. I think I'll just go back to Yale and teach writing.
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You don't think it would be difficult to get a job there after your recent writing struggles?
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Maybe you didn't hear me. I said I was going to teach at Yale.
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| Task: "Make Esme Delacroix Go Back to Yale". The job takes place at the Court House, Town Hall, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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Behind the Laughter[edit]
The quest name is a reference to the novel To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.
