Burns the Regular Joe/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Waylon Smithers: Everyone thinks Monty Burns is a cold, calculating billionaire living in his mansion on the hill. But if you could just spend a day with him like I do, you'd see he's just a regular Joe like you and me.
- Mr. Burns: Smithers! Get the Pope on the phone and peel me a raisin!
- Smithers: [narration] 7:30 AM: Breakfast is a simple affair, dry rye toast and a single hard-boiled egg.
- Smithers: Sir, that's a Fabergé egg.
- Mr. Burns: [CRUNCH] If Tsar Nicholas can eat them, so can I! [CRUNCH]
- Smithers: [narration] 11:15 AM: Though Mr. Burns works hard for his money, he's not above hangin' out at the water cooler, talkin' about the boss.
- Homer: But I say the biggest pencil-neck wiener of all is Montgomery Burns, or your name isn't Bernie Montgomery!
- Mr. Burns: [to Smithers] Put him in *the device.*
- Smithers: [narration] 4:15 PM: He's been so busy, he almost forgot the PTA bake sale!
- Mr. Burns: Instead of an oven, I used fission rods. I call them "Plutoni-yums"!
- Smithers: [narration] 7:34 PM: Nothing like a little old-time romance to end the evening.
- Mr. Burns: So, Jolson and I are capering about the room like a couple of--wait a minute! You're not Lillian Gish!
- Smithers: [narration] 8:03 PM: So there you have it. A simple, unassuming day in the life of good ol' Monty Burns. The only thing left is a humble conversation with the man upstairs--the one who made it all possible.
- Mr. Burns: I prayed for locusts to strike my competitors, not those piddly union troubles! You're fired! Smithers! Bring in the golden calf!
