Difference between revisions of "Hands Off"

Latest revision as of 12:28, May 16, 2025

Hands Off

Tapped Out Quest Information

Hands Off is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Love and War content update. It requires Captain Mordecai to be obtained.

After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
	Where is this? Am I in uncharted waters?
	Hmm...must be. I can hear the sirens calling to me from that building. What does it say? "Classy Girls Strip Club". This bears closer inspection...
Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Check Out the Strip Club". The job takes place at Classy Girls Strip Club or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
	This isn't uncharted waters. It's heaven!
	Hey sailor, have we met?
	I'm a captain but I'd be happy to pay good coin of the realm to make your acquaintance.
	You're speaking my language, mister.
	Captain.
	Why don't you buy me a drink?
	Very well. Waiter, two steins of your finest mead!
Quest reward: 100 and 10

After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
	How 'bout you and me get a little more... intimate.
	You read my mind.
	puts out hand It's fifty to get started.
	Fifty doubloons?! Why, that's robbery on the high seas! And I should know since I regularly rob on the high seas.
	Uh, I don't think we take doubloons. Is that some kind of bitcoin?
	Some of my coins have been bit, yes.
	Security! Code Red! This one's outta green!
Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Get Kicked Out". The job takes place at Classy Girls Strip Club or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
	You win this one, Classy Girls Strip Club. But you will rue the day that I can once again afford cannonballs!
	All that unrequited carousing has left me famished...
	The Frying Dutchman, eh? I don't much care for the Dutch, but I'm hungry enough to stomach some snert and rookworst.
Quest reward: 100 and 10

After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
	You can fry fish?! This place just gets better and better.
	Argh, ye be likin' the food at my humble establishment, says ye?
	Are you kidding? This is the greatest manmade achievement since the invention of plunder!
	That be most gracious of ye to say. So, is that your fine-looking vessel I see docked outside?
	Look with yer eyes, not with your hook, "Captain". If that's yer real commission.
	That lass is the finest ship figurehead this lonely man has seen in a lifetime.
	Don't get any ideas. She's all mine. In fact, I think it's time I discuss the evening's plan with her.
Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Make Out With a Ship Figurehead". The job takes 4 hours.
Quest reward: 100 and 10

After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
	Well, it seems ye be about done with yer meal. And how will ye be paying this evening?
	hands over a doubloon
	A doubloon? I haven't seen one of these since I still had two good sea legs! But it's insufficient as to pay yer bill.
	Well that's all I've got.
	Begging yer pardon, sir, but that's not exactly ALL ye got now, is it?
	Just what are you proposing?
	Of all the seas I've sailed and all the lands I've lubbed, your figurehead be the fairest.
	'Tis true. I plundered her good and proper.
	So then she'll understand a fair trade...
Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Listen to an Indecent Proposal". The job takes place at The Frying Dutchman, a Kwik-E-Mart, Springfield Grocery Store, CostMo, Try-N-Save, Quick & Fresh, Sconewall Bakery, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. If Sea Captain is owned: Task: "Make Sea Captain Profess His Love for the Figurehead". The job takes place at The Frying Dutchman, a Kwik-E-Mart, Springfield Grocery Store, CostMo, Try-N-Save, Quick & Fresh, Sconewall Bakery, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
	So, it's a sea race you want, eh?
	Correct. If ye win, it's all ye can eat. But if I win, I get the lovely lady's hand.
	She doesn't have hands.
	I know. It's not her hands I want.
Quest reward: 100 and 10

After tapping on Captain Mordecai's exclamation mark
	Now remember the rules. The winner of this regatta be the first ship to unmoor and skim their vessel to the lighthouse and back. Do ye understand?
	I wasn't skiffed yesterday.
	Sally forth!
Task: "Make Captain Mordecai Easily Win the Race". The job takes place at Captain Mordecai's Boat or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. If Sea Captain is owned: Task: "Make Sea Captain Remember He's Racing in a Houseboat". The job takes place at Captain Mordecai's Boat or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
	Hah! What an idiot. You barely left the dock by the time I won the race.
	Alas, the divine beauty of yer lady had me entranced. Like the call of a siren, I was mad with desire and paid no attention to the fact I was racing in a tugboat.
	Spare me yer alibis and fry me up another batch of long necks and clam bellies. We're going on a deep, deep dive.
Quest reward: 200 and 20

view • talk • edit • past The Simpsons: Tapped Out Love and War quests

The Only Thing Happening • Stranger Than Eviction • Amorous Avarice • Heaven and Hell • In Sickness and in Wealth • Twist of Fat
Temperance	Friends Without Benefits
Cyrus Manley	Love Thy Neighborino
Esme Delacroix	To Kill a Scoundrel
Marge Ziff	Live, Love and Loathe
Captain Mordecai	Hands Off
Robot Marge	Judging Day
Libido	Happy Happy Boy Boy
Titania	Peak Performance