Who the Bartman?/Quotes
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- Nelson Muntz: Hey, you're... you're...
- Principal Skinner: I know, I know... ...I'm covered in boysenberry pie. The oven in the home economics room exploded. I tried to get Superintendent Chalmers to replace it, but he swore it had at least ten more years of "non-explosive" functionality!
- Nelson: Bartman's got claws infused with "Bartamantium," the strongest metal known to man! ...and if Bartman caught you stealing...
- Snake Jailbird: Like, yikes!
- Nelson: ...he'd be all "slice slice slice"!
- Bart: You're saying that Bartman would slice a guy open just for stealing a stupid painting?
- Nelson: Nah... he'd just make that "slice slice" noise, and that would scare 'em into giving up. Bartman's not a monster!
- Bart: How do you know all this?
- Nelson: That's easy... ...because Bartman is my dad!
- Eddie Muntz: ...and now I must leave, son. If anyone ever asks, just tell them I went out for a pack of cigarettes.
- Nelson: Yes, sir. [SNIFF!] Whatever you say, sir.
- Sherri and Terri's Bartman: Hello, criminals, you cowardly, superstitious lot! Are you blinded by the light of my luminous, diamond-like skin?
- Sherri and Terri's Bartman: Before you, Sherri and Terri, my life was like a night with way too much darkness. Like, so much darkness that you cannot find your keys and you fumble around for them and you sit on your keys. I was sitting on the keys of my soul until I found you. Come with me to my Fortress of Brooding, where I can stare wistfully out the window, and you can almost say something, but then pause meaningfully, and I will smolder as I struggle for words to express my deepest emotions. For without you, there is no reason for anything... except maybe grooming products.
- Sherri and Terri: [SIGH!]
- Ralph Wiggum: Ooh! Ooh! Playground teacher?
- Sherri: For the zillionth time, Ralph, I'm not your teacher.
- Ralph: I saw Mr. Grape Ravioli, too!
- Bart: "Mr. Grape Ravioli?"
- Terri: [PSST!] I think he means Bartman.
- Bart: Oookay, Ralph. What do you think Bartman... er, Mr. Grape Ravioli... looks like?
- Ralph: He looks like this! He's a crime-fighter, just like my daddy. Only Mr. Grape Ravioli tastes better than my daddy when you lick his face!
- Bart: It's... an actual piece of ravioli with grape jelly smeared on it. Well, ask a stupid question...
- Bartman: I think Bartman looks like this!
- Sherri: Wow, Bart! That is so... ...lame.
- Nelson: Yeah, dingus.
- Ralph: Even I'm embarrassed for you!
