| The Best Laid Tans
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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The Best Laid Tans is a questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Splash and Burn content update. It requires Swimsuit Homer to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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Good morning, Simpsons! It's good to see everyone at the breakfast table on this fine, sunny morning.
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Gross! Why are you wearing your tiny Euro-style swimsuit in the house?
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And why do you have oil all over your body?
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I have my reasons.
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Wait, do you think that if you put a bunch of oil on yourself that it'll somehow make it seem like you have muscles?
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No...
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Because all it's doing is shining up your fat folds.
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That was mean, but since I'm in a good mood, I'll overlook it.
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What's going on, Homer? You're getting oil all over the kitchen.
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To answer all of your questions: I, Homer J. Simpson, have entered the Sunshine Suntan Lotion contest.
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Why?
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Because Sunshine Suntan have just merged with Amalgamated Industrial Chemicals, and to celebrate they're holding a contest where first prize is a new car.
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What's the catch?
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You have to spend the next forty-eight hours tanning and documenting your entire experience on social media.
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Wait, are you filming us all right now?
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Duh! Did you not hear me when I said that first prize is a new car!
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Task: "Make Swimsuit Homer Drip Oil All Over the Kitchen". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If Marge is owned: Task: "Make Marge Clean Up Homer's Oil Spill". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Lisa Be Disturbed by All of This". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Record This on His Phone". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
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Here you go, honey. One more bite...
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NOM!
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Dad, aren't you embarrassed that Bart is recording this?
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Are you kidding? This is social media gold! Sunshine Suntan will see how dedicated I am to tanning.
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Nothing gets likes and subscribes more than self-humiliation videos.
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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Good morning, boys! Beautiful, sunny day today, isn't it?
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Homer, why are you on time for work?
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And why aren't you wearing any clothes?
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I entered a suntanning contest to win a new car, so I have to keep tanning for two days.
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Simpson! What is the meaning of all this naked, glistening flesh? We have a dress code here.
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We do, but there's an exception for chemical spills and contests with a cash value of more than $200.
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Smithers, is that right?
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Uh, I'll look into it, sir.
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As soon as I can stop staring at Simpson with horrid fascination.
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Task: "Make Swimsuit Homer Disturb Coworkers". The job takes place at the Control Building, Reactor Core, Cooling Towers, Work From Home Station, or a Shop and takes 4 hours.
If Smithers is owned: Task: "Make Smithers Review the Company Dress Code". The job takes place at the Control Building, Reactor Core, Cooling Towers, Work From Home Station, or a Shop and takes 4 hours.
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I'm afraid Simpson is right, sir.
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Woohoo!
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I can't handle this distraction. Simpson, take the day off.
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Yes, sir!
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And Smithers, unleash the chemical spill.
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But sir, Simpson has already left.
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I want to burn the image out of my retinas.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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Hey Homer, some of your fellow contestants are livestreaming themselves tanning.
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What?! I don't know what that means, but I have to do it, too!
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You know, instead of just lying around tanning, we should livestream you doing something at home while you're tanning. It'll be funny!
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Oooh, good idea! You can livestream me drinking a beer and watching TV.
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Or you could mow the lawn!
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How's that going to be funny?
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You haven't mowed in two months, and I'm pretty sure wild animals have moved in.
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Let me get my phone.
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Task: "Make Swimsuit Homer Mow the Yard". The job takes 4 hours.
If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Livestream Homer Mowing". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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Well that sucked.
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Yeah, but you've risen to third place in the fan voting.
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I didn't know there was fan voting. I wonder what else I could do that would get votes.
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I know — voters like funny, and there's nothing funnier than a fat man on wheels.
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Task: "Make Swimsuit Homer Skate Around Town". The job takes 4 hours.
If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Livestream Homer Skating". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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Well that also sucked.
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Yeah, but you got all the way to second place before the contest ended. You're the runner-up!
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Well, a new car would have been nice, but I can't wait to see what the runner-up prize is!
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Maybe a new washer-dryer set or a trip to Acapulco...
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Or maybe a gym membership so that swimsuit actually fits.
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| Task: "Make Swimsuit Homer Wait Impatiently for His Prize". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
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Mr. Simpson, congratulations on being the Sunshine Suntan contest runner-up!
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What do I get? A motorcycle? A Caribbean vacation? One of those giant cardboard checks for a million dollars?
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What? If the grand prize is a new car, why would second prize be a million dollars? No, it's none of those things.
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Actually, to celebrate the merger of Sunshine Suntan Lotion with Amalgamated Industrial Chemicals, you win an all-inclusive Crypto Cruise around a floating server farm in the North Sea...
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But that's a total scam!
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Exactly!
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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Behind the Laughter[edit]
The quest name is a reference to the phrase "the best laid plans."
