Othinquic
Othinquic
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Product Information
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Othinquic is a medication for hyperglycemia. It has a side effect that induces weight loss. The Othinquic company is from Denmark and costs $900 a month.
History[edit]
Barney went to the doctor and was told that he had hyperglycemia, so he was prescribed Othinquic. After taking it, Barney became thin from the weight loss side effect of the drug. Barney and the barflies at Moe's wanted to keep this to themselves, but Chief Wiggum overheard the conversation and walked in, and soon everyone in town knew about the weight loss drug.
Everyone in Springfield started taking Othinquic, and the drug sponsored Channel 6 News to spread awareness even further. After watching the commercial, Bart questioned why Homer wasn't taking the drug yet. Homer told them that taking it meant he would have to stop eating, which he didn't want to do as eating was natural. When Homer, Bart, and Lisa left to go to Luigi's, Marge imagined the Othinquic pen, the mascot for the medication, talking to her. The pen convinced her that she should convince Homer to go on the drug after all.
The medication became even more widely used after Opal talked about it and gave it out for free on The Opal Show. Patty and Selma also started taking it but lied to Marge, claiming they lost their weight naturally. Homer then went to Dr. Hibbert to get prescribed, but was told that health insurance had stopped covering it and pharmacies were out of stock. Homer then went and bought some from Fat Tony. Before he could use it, Marge started to see how the drug was affecting other people, with many becoming low energy, almost like zombies. Marge imagined the Othinquic pen talking to her again, where it told her that the company had done a lot of research on profits and that suckers were paying to beta test the drug. Marge then realized that Homer shouldn't take the drug and rushed home to stop him.
After being stopped from taking the drug, Homer was kidnapped by the Springfield Mafia because he was the only fat guy left in town, and they needed his fat to inject into their faces to fix their "Othinquic face". Marge rescued him, along with a small army of food service workers, and together they convinced everyone to stop taking the drug. However, Marge once again imagined the Othinquic pen talking to her, where it convinced her to take it for only a month so she could fit into a dress for Patty and Selma's Sologamy celebration. However, when Marge took it, she started to get nauseous, then everything went black, which was a side effect that occurred in 3% of people.
Side effects[edit]
Apart from the weight loss, other side effects include lack of appetite, pancreatitis, having to buy new pants, a brutally painful death, not being able to play Santa at Christmas, nausea, and everything going black.
Behind the Laughter[edit]
Othinquic is a parody of Ozempic, a real anti-diabetic and anti-obesity medication.
