| Muscularly Endowed Privateer
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Muscularly Endowed Privateer is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Time Traveling Toaster content update. It requires the Sexy Pirate to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Sexy Pirate's exclamation mark
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Hoist up the mainsail, me mateys, because thar... she... blows.
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You have some nerve-- oh! I didn't see you there. Hello, captain. Did you just sail into port?
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Aye, miss. And I be on the lookout for plunder and pillage. Of the late-thirties female variety.
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But I'm married. Although to a pirate significantly less... SEXY... than yourself.
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Aye. I have a way of shivering the female timbers.
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Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Seduce Luann". The job takes place at the Van Houten House and takes 4 hours.
If Luann is owned: Task: "Make Luann Succumb to Flattery". The job takes place at the Van Houten House and takes 4 hours.
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Have you killed many men in battle, you sexy, dangerous man?
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Aye. I have killed the sexiest number of men -- nine.
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Sexy Pirate's exclamation mark
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Hoist up the mainsail, me mateys, because thar... she... blows.
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I bet you use that lame pick-up line on women all the time.
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Yes. I lack imagination, due to my overall low intelligence. But I make up for it with incredible sexiness.
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Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am happily married to an even sexier pirate: Mr. Homer J. Simpson.
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He must be very sexy indeed. Which is exactly why I MUST steal his woman!
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| Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Try to Seduce Marge". The job takes 8 hours.
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Get away from my wife before I rip out your seductive heart and cram it down your arousing throat!
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Sexily, I comply.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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Why don't you go back to the sea, you titillating jerk?
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I... I cannot. I hang my luscious head in shame.
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Why can't you go to sea? You're a sexy PIRATE, right?
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Sexy, I am. But a pirate? No. I was born, you see, in a Florida theme park.
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Raised from ravishing birth, I was, to play the role of Sexy Pirate, a character from a beloved movie franchise.
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At the age of two, I could apply eye liner to my perfect face. I could tie a scarf at three. But I never learned the ways of the sea.
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| Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Hang His Head in Shame". The job takes place at a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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I am a fraud! A disgusting, chiseled, irresistible, sensual fraud!
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Sexy Pirate's exclamation mark
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I am tired of living a super hot lie.
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You poor, gorgeous man. Get it all out.
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Tired of sculpting my flawless physique in the gym. Tired of yearning to make love to my own reflection.
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But most of all, I am tired of being able to take any woman I want, at any time. In any way. Anywhere.
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You don't have to be sexy anymore.
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It is true? Can I truly stop lying, and happily grow as disgusting as you?
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| Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Let It All Hang Out". The job takes 60 minutes.
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Ahhh... after a lifetime, I finally know what carbs taste like. One percent body fat, and rising!
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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Homer Simpson! You've ruined our sexy pirate!
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Ruined? Why, I've merely shown him a world of sloth and obesity, a heaven all men are entitled to.
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No, Homer. Alas, the desperate housewife is correct. A lazy slob, I cannot be.
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Sexy pirates are put on this earth to tantalize. Without us, the lives of women everywhere are meaningless.
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I see that now. I thank you, Homer, for the brief glimpse of paradise you have given me.
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Now, to sexiness I return. Avast, ye middle aged ladies. Objectify me!
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| Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Embrace His Inner Stereotype". The job takes place at a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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I will never forget the taste of donuts. But my place is in the weight room!
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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