Homie the Clown/Quotes
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- Lisa: When Krusty wants to he can still blow 'em away.
- Bart: Yes. He can take a simple, everyday thing like eating a bicycle and make it funny.
- Krusty the Clown: [to his aides] Put five thousand bucks on the Lakers... Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator... My house is dirty, buy me a clean one...
- Secretary: [on intercom] George Carlin on three.
- Krusty: [on the phone] Yeah? Lawsuit? Oh, come on! My "Seven words you can't say on TV" bit was entirely different from your "Seven words you can't say on TV" bit. So I'm a thief, am I? Well exCUSE MEEEEEEEEE! [to his accountant] Give him ten grand.
- Fat Tony: Krusty, in regards to the large wager you made on yesterday's horse race...
- Krusty: Oh, come on. How about letting me go double or nothing on the big opera tonight?
- Fat Tony: Who do you like?
- Krusty: The tenor.
- Fat Tony: Okay. But we're only letting the bet ride because you crack us so consistently... up.
- Bill: You've got to stop blowing your money like this, Krusty.
- Krusty: No can do.
- Bill: And those ridiculous bets you make! Gambling is the finest thing a person can do, if he's good at it. But you haven't won anything in months.
- Johnny Unitas: So, what do you think of the Lady Krusty Moustache Removal System now, Angelique?
- Angelique: It's Krusterific, Johnny Unitas, but is my upper lip supposed to bleed like this?
- Johnny Unitas: Probably.
- Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
- Bart: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.
- Krusty: Okay, we'll start off with the baggy p...wha? Those are supposed to be baggy pants. Baggy!
- Homer: Ooh, I've never had a pair of pants that fit this well in my life.
- Krusty: Okay, memorize these funny place names. Walla Walla, Keokuk, Cucamonga, Seattle...
- Homer: [uncontrollably laughing] Stop it! You're killing me! Seattle... [continues laughing]
- Bart: Wow. I'm sorry I doubted you before, Dad.
- Lisa: If there has to be a bastardized version of Krusty, I'm glad it's you.
- Krusty: Welcome to the noble family of skilled Krustaceans. You will now go back to your hometowns and do kids' parties, swap meets, and all the other piddling crap I wouldn't touch with a ten foot clown pole. Now come and get your cat skins—Uh, I mean sheep skins.
- Homer: To- Audience -I - now - proclaim - this - new - burger... for sale.
- Homer: And - then - take - that, and - put - that - in - there - and Ah. Here's your giraffe, little girl.
- Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
- Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
- Homer: When I started this clown thing I thought it would be nothing but glory. You know, the glory of being a clown? I tell ya, it's hard, tiring work, but when I see the smiles on their little faces, I just know they're getting ready to jab me with something.
- Dick Cavett: Let's walk and talk. I ah, I have some wonderful stories about other famous people that include me in some way.
- Homer: Uh, can't. I've got to go distract bulls at a rodeo.
- Dick Cavett: Hey! Me too! We can go together.
- Homer: Uh... no. I'm going a different way than you, Dick.
- Dick Cavett: [chuckles] Your churlish attitude reminds me of the time I was having dinner with Groucho, and...
- Homer: Look, you're gonna be having dinner with Groucho tonight if you don't beat it.
- Homer: [grumbling] Being a clown sucks. You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and admired by the elderly. Who am I clowning? I have no business being a clown. I'm leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in the clowning business.
- Homer: Hey, what are these holes?
- Car salesman: These are speed holes. They make the car go faster.
- Homer: Oh yeah. Speed holes.
- Car Salesman: You want my advice? I think you should buy this car.
- Legs: I'm seeing double here. Four Krustys.
- Don Vittorio DiMaggio: We just won't kill you. But you still owe us the money. Forty-eight dollars.
- Krusty: Here's fifty.
- Don Vittorio: And two, your change. And we thank you.
