Greek to Me/Quotes

Quotes

Sherri or Terri: Not reruns again.

Sherri or Terri: Homer, we don't want to hear about "The Iliad" anymore.

Sherri or Terri: Or "The Odyssey."

Homer: Okay, no problemo. Once upon...

Sherri or Terri: Give us a good story, or we'll tell everyone you're not really blind.

Homer: Aaaah! Don't do that! The only way I could get this cushy storytelling job is by pretending to be blind. Otherwise it's back to being a slave in the olive mines. I got the idea of faking blindness from my pal Oedipus.

Oedipus: You wouldn't believe the story I had to make up.

Hera: Zeus, did you turn into a swan last night and go to the singles bar?

Zeus: No!

Hera: Then what's with all the feathers and that egg you laid?

Zeus: Okay, okay! I did a bit of harmless flirting. But you know me, Hera, it never goes farther than that.

Hercules: Hey, Dad! It's me, Hercules, your illegitimate son!

Zeus: D'oh!

Hercules: Twelve labors. Aw, man! Labors are worse than chores!

Zeus: Hey, you think you got it tough? When I was your age, my dad ate me.

Cronus: Can I come back home now?

Zeus: No! I can still smell me on your breath.

Cronus: Consarn it!

Mr. Burns: Look at that pathetic stable boy. Point and laugh at him for me, will you, servant?

Waylon Smithers: Ha, ha, ha, sir!

Hercules: Ya-hoo! I'm rich!

Mr. Burns: What? Explain yourself, boy!

Hercules: Well, you know, since gold is worthless, this dung mine I've found is worth a fortune!

Mr. Burns: Gold is worthless?

Hercules: No one told you?

Mr. Burns: I've been out of town on business.

Hercules: Sorry to hear that. Well, back to my fortune!

Mr. Burns: Wait! Would you be willing to sell this dung mine of yours?

Hercules: What do you got?

Mr. Burns: Gold and lots of it!

Hercules: Sure, I need a few paperweights. Go on!

Mr. Burns: I'll give you my horse, the deed to my home...

Hera: You only did ten out of the twelve labors!

Hercules: Listen lady, ten out of twelve is a B+ and that's the best grade I ever got!

Announcer: The case you are about to see is real. The litigants are not mortals. They are actual gods who have agreed to have their dispute settled here in our forum... ...Athena's court.

Athena: Mr. Hades, I am just going to say this once. First, talk only when I am asking a question, and second... ...Put your shirt back on and take your feet off the podium.

Hades: Okay! Okay! Sheeeesh! What is this, church?

Charon: Why don't ya get yourself a wife?

Sisyphus: That sounds like a jim-dandy idea.

Hades: Shut up, Sisyphus!

Sisyphus: Well, I just dropped by to tell you that it took forever, but I finally got that rock up to the top of the hill like you wanted. Aw, fiddlesticks!

Hades: Heh, heh!

Persephone: These pomegranates are really good.

Hades: Wait until you taste Antoine's pork chops.

Persephone: Aaaah!

Hades: What? Oh, the decaying zombie thing. Don't worry, he washed his hands in the River Styx.

Persephone: Aaaaah!

Hades: Now let's have a drink of Leth water and relax!

Persephone: Water from the Leth river makes you lose your memory.

Hades: That's ridiculous. I've been drinking Leth water since... um...

Persephone: Hades?

Hades: That's right. And you are...?

Athena: I've reached a verdict. This is clearly a cut and dried case of kidnapping.

Persephone: Ha!

Athena: But this is god-law. And if it wasn't for disguises, shapeshifting, and kidnapping, there'd be next to no god-dating at all. Hades is therefore cleared of all charges. However, you, Persephone, owe Hades for the pomegranates you ate. Sorry, but our dumb laws are still the law.

Ottovius: Man, it sure was hard to find this place, but it's worth it if the legends are true. Uh... excuse me?

Medusa: Yes?

Ottovius: Is this the place where a guy can go to get stoned?

Medusa: You could say that.

Ottovius: [COUGH!] [HACK!]

Medusa: Heh, heh, heh, heh [COUGH!] heh, heh!

Polydectes: Listen young man, we'll forget this ever happened if you'll perform one simple act of community service.

Perseus: What? Pick up litter? Clean up graffiti?

Polydectes: Bring me the head of Medusa!

Circe: I'm just saying that all the men I date are pigs.

Medusa: Well, Circe, maybe that's because you turn them all into pigs.

Circe and Medusa: Heh, heh, heh [COUGH!] heh, heh!

Medusa: I see you.

Perseus: Ha! I came prepared! I have a mirror!

Medusa: It's not my look that turns men to stone. It's my second-hand smoke!

Perseus: Um... I'm gonna start running now.

Medusa: I understand. Hissssss!

Medusa: Aaah!

Polydectes: You're alive?!?!

Perseus: Yes, and I've honored my side of our deal. I've brought the head of Medusa.

Polydectes: [GASP!]

Perseus: And I'm throwing in the body for free.

Perseus: Medusa told me that you two used to date until she dumped you.

Medusa: He's never really gotten over me. This was just his way of getting my attention.

Polydectes: That's ridiculous. I...

Medusa: I've never forgotten you or stopped caring, you cruel dictator you.

Polydectes: Really? Will you marry me and make me the happiest despot in the world?

Medusa: I will!

Sherri or Terri: Are you still here? We stopped listening to your story hours ago.

Homer: Then who are you... Aesop?

Aesop: Sorry, we're full up, sir. But there's some standing room tickets left for the ten o'clock show.