| Greased Irony
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Greased Irony is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Springfield Choppers content update. It requires Wolfguy Jack to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Wolfguy Jack's exclamation mark
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Come on in. Welcome to Greaser's Café. You've got your pick of booths made of old cars. I've got a hot rod open and a '55 Chevy Bel Air.
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The whole family's here so we're gonna need one with some serious suspension.
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Well, the Ford Super Deluxe in the back corner just opened up.
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Perfect.
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Where are all my employees!
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Yes, sir.
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I need you to stand outside and get some more butts in these seats!
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But sir, I thought my job was flipping burgers, frying fries, and watering down the soda fountain?
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Look, if you don't think standing outside spinning a sign will help, then how else do we turn this place around?
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Uh...you could try improving the food quality. Like, maybe start putting real cheese on the burgers?
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What do you mean? Our cheese is legal.
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Sir, the label says 100% American Singles Processed Cheese-Like Product.
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Okay, fine. I'll get real cheese for the burgers...
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I have some other ideas as well.
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I'm listening.
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Task: "Make Wolfguy Jack Update the Menu". The job takes place at Greaser's Cafe and takes 4 hours.
If Squeaky Voice Teen is owned: Task: "Make Squeaky Voice Teen Order Actual Cheese". The job takes place at Greaser's Cafe and takes 4 hours.
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I don't know what half of this stuff you ordered even is. Meat that's not meat? Gluten-free buns? Truffle oil?
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You put it on the fries.
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Okay. But what does it do, man?
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It lets you charge people 11 dollars for fries!
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Whoa, that's three times the price of our burgers! Can we also put this "truffle oil" in the milkshakes?
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Wolfguy Jack's exclamation mark
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Uh, excuse me. My burger doesn't taste like a normal burger.
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That's because it's not a normal burger! It's the new Preposteburger™. Made entirely of plants and laced with synthetic burger-like flavoring!
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Oh, great. Well then here's my payment.
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Uh, this isn't real money.
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No, it's money-like currency.
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These fries are not fries. They're made of sweet potatoes. I want my money back or I will write a terrible review.
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I'm not sure I can turn this around.
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Task: "Make Wolfguy Jack Defend the New Menu". The job takes place at Greaser's Cafe and takes 4 hours.
If Squeaky Voice Teen is owned: Task: "Make Squeaky Voice Teen Stock Gluten Free Burger Buns". The job takes place at Greaser's Cafe and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Wolfguy Jack's exclamation mark
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Sir, I don't think this new direction is working. I haven't had a single request for our new locally-sourced gluten-free buns.
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Do you have any sort of secret backup plan to keep us from going out of business?
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Well, usually when I'm sad I just go up on the roof and talk to nearby truckers on my CB radio. My call sign is WLF.
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But how does that help the restaurant?
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It doesn't. Makes me feel better, though.
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Task: "Make Wolfguy Jack Hit the Airwaves". The job takes place at Greaser's Cafe and takes 60 minutes.
If Squeaky Voice Teen is owned: Task: "Make Squeaky Voice Teen Tap Local Craft Brews". The job takes place at Greaser's Cafe and takes 4 hours.
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Whoo-doggy! Set your socks on "hop" and your tutti to "frutti" because this place is more packed than a dance hall with an open bar!
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Who are all these people? I'm seeing a lot of scarves, vintage tee-shirts, and Pharrell-sized hats.
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Welcome to Greaser's Café. Can I ask...how did you guys hear about us?
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Oh, it was all the rage on the CB airwaves last night. This one guy wouldn't stop talking about the place.
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You guys listen to the CB? You're all truckers?
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Oh, we're not truckers. We're hipsters. We all just happen to own vintage radios.
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Well, however you heard about us, I'm glad you're here. I hope you enjoy our cool '50s memorabilia on the walls and our booths made of old cars.
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Oh, yeah. We love all of that. I mean...ironically of course. But yes, we love/hate it.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Wolfguy Jack's exclamation mark
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Alright, hepcats. It's time for a doo-woppin' dance off!
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The winner will take home this brand-new...Harley-Davidson!
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...
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I, uh...was really expecting a bigger response than that. Maybe they don't know what a Harley-Davidson is?
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I repeat: the winner of the contest will take home this BRAND NEW MOTORCYCLE!
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...
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Okay, um, uh...
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How about...the winner of the dance contest will take home this vintage bicycle!
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A vintage bicycle? Woo! I'm in!
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It's a one-of-a-kind! No one else can have that bicycle but me!
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Greaser's Cafe is the best!
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Task: "Make Wolfguy Jack Have a Dance Contest". The job takes 4 hours.
If Squeaky Voice Teen is owned: Task: "Make Squeaky Voice Teen Buy Organic Grass-Fed Cage-Free Lettuce". The job takes place at Greaser's Cafe and takes 4 hours.
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I can't believe my luck! I used to have to give away expensive motorcycles just to promote the restaurant, and it killed the budget.
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But all these hipsters want are crappy old repainted bicycles! I'm gonna save a fortune!
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Hey, uh, if you need a supplier for old bicycles, I got you covered.
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Are they vintage?
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As vintage as your old menu items: "Allen Ginsburgers, Un-American Cheese Sandwiches, Polio Dogs..."
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Yeah, I can't believe this business survived at all with that menu.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Wolfguy Jack's exclamation mark
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Wha – it's 7pm, where is everybody? The dance contest is starting in ten minutes and I've got a vintage penny-farthing to give away.
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None of the hipsters showed up tonight. Do you think it's because I accidentally bought the wrong kind of soy-based pickles?
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Wait, there's two of 'em there. Hey you two! Where are all your friends? Why is nobody at my café tonight?
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Oh, uh...yeah. Greaser's just isn't the same anymore ever since everybody started coming here.
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Yeah, it used to be cool, now it's lame.
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Wait, we're not cool because we got too cool?!
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Yeah, we're just back here because I forgot my beard comb. Oh, there it is!
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But...I just expanded the café hours to include Saturday brunch and added avocado toast to the menu!
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Sorry, dude. Avocado toast is very, um, last decade.
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You could add a drive-through. Then we could eat some of your food in our cars without being seen.
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Task: "Make Wolfguy Jack Add a Drive-Through". The job takes place at Greaser's Cafe and takes 4 hours.
If Squeaky Voice Teen is owned: Task: "Make Squeaky Voice Teen Try to Return Soy Pickles". The job takes place at Greaser's Cafe and takes 4 hours.
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Sir, adding that drive-through seems to have really picked up business.
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Yeah. But it's just not the same. Greaser's Cafe was about the doo-wop dancing and 1950s experience. Oh well. At least we're making money.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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