Bye, Bye, Nerdie/Quotes
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- Marge: [horrified sound] Homer, you're still here? You should've left for work an hour ago!
- Homer: They said if I come in late again, I'm fired. I can't take that chance.
- Marge: I did it! I caught the school bus. Now hurry up and get on.
- Lisa: But Mom, the school's right here.
- Marge: I won. Don't take that away from me.
- Lisa: Oh, it's tough being the new kid. Someone should go talk to her.
- Bart: Yeah, somebody should. One-hour dry cleaner. Man, that's fast.
- Homer: Kids gone?
- Marge: Yep. It's great to have some time just to ourselves, huh?
- Homer: You read my mind. Sooo... This coffee's good, huh?
- Marge: Yeah. The uh... the milk really takes the edge off.
- Homer: You know, I think our marriage is...
- Sales lady: Your baby is dead.
- [Homer and Marge scream]
- Sales lady: That's what you'd hear if your baby fell victim to the thousands of deathtraps lurking in the average American home.
- Marge: [reading] "Springfield Baby-Proofing"?
- Homer: You...you really scared us.
- Sales lady: Sorry about that. But the truth is, your baby, Maggie Simpson, is dead!
- [Homer and Marge scream]
- Sales lady: Dead tired of baby-proofers who don't provide a free estimate. Let's start in the kitchen.
- Sales lady: Now, pretend I'm a baby. [baby voice] Goo goo. Me wike to expwore.
- Homer: That's a pretty big caboose for a baby.
- Marge: Homer! Don't be... Wow, that is huge.
- Homer: This is such an eye-opener. I always pictured the kids dying in the living room.
- Marge: Why don't you try reaching out to this new girl? See if you two have a common interest.
- Lisa: Well, lots of people like jazz fusion... [plays jazz music]
- Marge: Okay, that's in the "maybe" file.
- Lisa: Milhouse? She got you, too?
- Milhouse Van Houten: Yeah. But it's not so bad, I'm standin' on Ralph.
- Ralph Wiggum: We're a totem pole. [chanting] Hiya, hiya, hoya, hiya!
- Homer: Now do you realize how unsafe the American home is? Baby accidents occur every three minutes.
- Marge: I'm the one who told you that.
- Homer: Yeah, but this is me talking.
- Homer: Look, I already encased the telephone in concrete.
- Marge: How are you supposed to dial?
- Homer: Reach into these holes. I use a carrot.
- Marge: Isn't that a little excessive? I mean, how are the buttons dangerous?
- Homer: Baby could order poison.
- Marge: Oh, that's ridiculous.
- [Homer dials]
- Poison Delivery Service: Poison Delivery Service. A gift-basket of poisons is on its way.
- Marge: [ashamed] I'm a horrible mother.
- Homer: Of course you are.
- Nelson Muntz: Why ya throwing tomatoes at yourself? Huh? Why ya throwing tomatoes at yourself?
- Martin Prince: Your very question is faulty!
- Jimbo Jones: You're faulty!
- Nelson: She?! Sorry, we don't do girls. They bite and kick and scratch...
- Dolph Shapiro: And sometimes we fall in love...
- [bullies wistfully sigh]
- Lisa: Come on, people! Move it! I want to see some sweat!
- Martin: I'm not mastering another stair until you explain the purpose of this monstrous experiment.
- Lisa: I believe the key to bully-nerd antagonism lies in your drippings.
- Martin: Then I shall drip like a pot roast.
- Lisa: Mr. Tatum, do you mind if I swab you with this damp rag?
- Drederick Tatum: No, not at all. Swab away. Whoa, whoa, no one mentioned a beaker.
- Lisa: Please? It's for science.
- Drederick Tatum: Oh for science. In that case, proceed.
- Homer: Babies of Springfield! We need your help! Please! Skin your knees! Put dice up your nose! Let cats sleep on your face!
- Professor Frink: Scientists... Scientists, please... Looking for some order... some order please... with the eyes forward and the hands neatly... folded. And the pain. There'll be pain. Hmmm. Pi is exactly three!
- Lisa: I have isolated the chemical which is emitted by every geek, dork, and four-eyes. I call it "Poindextrose".
- Homer: Woo hoo! Simpsons rule! Sorry.
- Homer: So all her bullying was just to get some attention.
- Lisa: No, Dad! Didn't you listen to anything I said?
- Homer: Just to get some attention.
