Bart's in Jail!/Quotes
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- Grampa: We sure lucked out with this new gig. Half day on Christmas, unpaid polio leave, and all the bread crumbs you can sweep.
- Grampa: Oh, thank goodness you're out!
- Bart: Okay, okay, enough with the smooches.
- Grampa: I don't care what you've done. All that matters is that no grandson of mine's gonna go to jail.
- Bart: Jail? Are you off your meds or on new meds?
- Lisa: Um, uh, let me go microwave your slippers.
- Grampa: I don't deserve warm toes. I'm nothing but a feeble, useless, old idjit.
- Homer: I had an inheritance and you gave it away? I'm so mad I could kill you, but now I'd get nothing. I hope you live forever!
- Principal Skinner: Marge, if I may, I-I dealt with a similar situation with my mother. She got a phone call claiming punk rockers were threatening to cut my hair into a Mohawk, which is a distinctive hairstyle...
- Marge: I know what it is.
- Support group leader: Now, these are the things you should never say to a victim. "I would never have fallen for that," "Everyone knows about that scam," and "What were you thinking?"
- Homer: [to Grampa] I would have never fallen for that! Everyone knows about that scam! What were you thinking?!
- Bart: Dad, anyone can get scammed. Even me. I paid the bullies for wedgie insurance. But the minute I got a wedgie, bam! I got hit with a deductible... Another wedgie! And my rates went up.
- Homer: That's why I never get any insurance.
- Lisa: Cutlife is a famous multi-level marketing company. Dad, you fell for a pyramid scheme.
- Homer: Scheme? No way. They didn't even want to let me join. But, luckily, at the last minute, a space opened up.
- Bart: How many knives have you even sold?
- Homer: I don't sell them. I engage opportunity handlers to distributize them for me, the expandibution manager. It's all part of Charles E. Cutlife's three-dimensional triangle system.
- Homer: Kids, today you're gonna learn an important lesson: sometimes the sheep get back their wool.
- Bart: No, they don't. They just grow more wool.
- Homer: What are you, a shepherd?
- Loki: With that deep-fried morsel, my victory is complete.
- Bart: Uh, we're all seeing the freak in the sandals, right?
- Lisa: Yes, but this can't be real. We probably just ate too many wasabi mac and cheese balls.
- Loki: Silence, you mewling wretches, for I am Loki, god of mischief. But I am known by many names and take many forms.
- Bill Cipher: Buy crypto, suckers!
- Moe Szyslak: Your Social Security number has been compromised. Please give us your Social Security number so we can keep it safe. I met my billionaire boyfriend on Billionaire Match. Match with billions of billionaires for only $4.95 a month. If you or your family have used toilet paper in the last year, you can join us in a class action lawsuit. We have found nude photos of you. If you want these removed and/or touched up, please press 1 now. This is Jerry down at whatever bank you use. We lost your PIN number. Can you send it to us?
