Bye, Bye, Nerdie/Quotes
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- Marge: Ah! Homer, you're still here? You should have left for work an hour ago.
- Homer: They said if I come in late for work again, I'm fired. I can't take that chance.
- Marge:[to Bart and Lisa] And kids you're gonna miss you school bus. [looks at the window and gasps the school bus is only two blocks] It's only two blocks away!
- [Marge grabs Bart and Lisa and brushes them both their teeth]
- Bart: We're gonna spit.
- Marge: You can spit on the bus. [changes their pajamas into their outfits while going down stairs Lisa is wearing Bart's clothes and Bart is wearing Lisa's clothes]
- Bart: Uh, mom? [holding Lisa's skirt]
- Marge: [to Bart] Not now Lisa. [grabs them both]
- Marge: Stop! Stop!
- Otto: Oh, you wanna drag?
- Marge: [gasps] Hrmmm. I'm not racing! It's me, Marge Simpson!
- Otto: No, you eat my dust!
- Terri: Red hair?
- Sherri: "What's she trying to pull?"
- Janey: Those shoes look Canadian.
- Boy with orthodontic headgear: She'll never fit in.
- Lisa: Oh, it's tough being the new kid. Someone should go talk to her.
- Bart: Yeah, somebody should... [looking out of window] One-hour dry cleaner? Man, that's fast.
- Sales lady: [as door is be-ing opened] Your baby is dead... [Marge and Homer gasp] ...that's what you'd hear if your baby fell victim to the thousands of death-traps lurking in the average American home. [she hands Marge a business card]
- Marge: 'Springfield Baby-Proofing'?
- Homer: You... you really scared us!
- Sales lady: Sorry about that. But the truth is, your baby Maggie Simpson, is dead... [Marge and Homer gasp again] ...tired of baby-proofers who don't provide a free estimate.
- [the sales lady puts on a baby bonnet]
- Sales lady: Now, pretend I'm a baby.
- [she starts to crawl around the kitchen floor, making baby noises]
- Sales lady: Goo, goo. Me wike to expwore!
- Homer: [to Marge] That's a pretty big caboose for a baby.
- Marge: Homer, don't be... wow, that is huge!
- Sales lady: Okay, with the window bars, toilet latches, dingo alarm and grapefruit squirt shield, your total cost would be... wow, I'm rich!
- Marge: Why don't you try reaching out to this new girl? See if you two have a common interest.
- Lisa: Hmm. Well, lots of people like jazz fusion. [she pulls out her sax and demonstrates]
- Marge: Okay, that's in the maybe file. What if you two bond over your Malibu Stacy dolls?
- Lisa: They're not dolls, they're aspiration figures.
- Homer: That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. [he begins to draw]
- Marge: She's not afraid of bunnies.
- Homer: [ominously] She will be.
- Homer: Now, do you realize how unsafe the American home is? Baby accidents occur every three minutes.
- Marge: I'm the one who told you that!
- Homer: Yeah, but this is me talkin'. Look! I already encased the phone in concrete.
- Marge: How are you supposed to dial?
- Homer: Reach into these holes. I use a carrot.
- Marge: Isn't that a little excessive? I mean, how are the buttons dangerous?
- Homer: Baby could order poison!
- Lisa: Would you bullies be interested in some body guard work?
- Nelson: Oh, this is so funny. We were just talking about moving into protection.
- Dolph: We're offering a recess and lunch package that's very affordable.
- Nelson: Sorry, we don't do girls. They bite and kick and scratch.
- Dolph: And sometimes we fall in love.
- [the bullies sigh]
- Lisa: Wow, there's so much I don't understand about bullying.
- Nelson: Yeah, there's a lot of history there. Did you know is predates agriculture?
- Lisa: I just don't understand Francine's motivation. Why does she only go after the smart ones?
- Nelson: That's like asking the square root of a million... No one will ever know.
- Lisa: Willie, I need to see the school security tapes.
- Willie: Security tapes? There's no security tapes!
- Lisa: [pointing at a camera] It's hard to miss the cameras.
- Willie: Aye. Willie's a stinkin' liar.
- Lisa: Why does the school need to watch us all the time?
- Willie: School?
- [[[Milhouse]], Martin and Database, all shirtless, are exercising on StairMasters]
- Lisa: Come on people! Move it! I want to see some sweat!
- Martin: I'm not mastering another step until you explain the purpose of this monstrous experiment.
- Lisa: I believe the key to bully-nerd antagonism lies in your drippings.
- Martin: Then I shall drip like a pot roast.
- Lisa: Excellent. Now don't mind the squeegee.
- [she scrapes sweat off of Martin's body]
- Principal Skinner: Thank you, Drederick Tatum. That was truly a K.O. - Knockout Oration. Heh.
- Edna Krabappel: [flirting] Need a ride home?
- Drederick Tatum: You really don't want that. Trust me.
- Lisa: Mr. Tatum, do you mind if I swab you with this damp rag?
- Drederick Tatum: No, not at all. Swab away.
- [Lisa pulls out a beaker and starts pouring something onto the rag]
- Drederick: Whoa, whoa! Nobody mentioned a beaker.
- Lisa: Please? It's for science.
- Drederick: Oh, for science! In that case, proceed.
- Scientist: The Problem? UFOs! [holds up a fake UFO on a string] The solution? This! [cuts string]
- Marge: That's quite an act to follow, Lisa.
- Lisa: [stepping onto stage] I know, and the crowd is so distinguished. The inventor of the walkie-talkie is out there.
- Marge: [stepping after Lisa] Where?
- Lisa: Third row, near the aisle.
- Marge: [gasps] Ooh, you're right. And that's not his wife.
- Lisa: But why do the bullies prey on the brainy? Is it jealousy? [the scientists murmur assent] No! The reason is chemical.
- [the scientists murmur disagreement]
- Male researcher: Tha-that's impossible! Chemicals are our friends.
- Dr. C. Everett Koop: She's a witch!
- Lisa: I have isolated the chemical which is emitted by every geek, dork and four-eyes. I call is 'Poindextrose'.
- [when Lisa shows off her Bully repellent]
- Scientist: The little girl's invented some kind of bully repellent!
- Lisa: [holding up an atomizer] Actually, it's just ordinary salad dressing.
- Marge: So that's where that went.
- Lisa: The pungent vinegar and tangy Roquefort blocked the smell receptors, rendering the bully harmless.
- Homer: So all her bullying was just to get some attention.
- Lisa: No, Dad! Didn't you listen to anything I said?
- Homer: Just to get some attention.
- [Lisa notices Francine wearing a nose clip]
- Lisa: That time she looked right at me and didn't touch me. Hmm. [Gasps] Of course. The nose clip. Hey, Willie.I think I'm onto something.Check this out. [Francine enters the room and slowly approaches her]Not talking, eh, Willie? Just listen then. I think I figured out what sets off that big ape Francine. Willie? Willie? [grabs Lisa] Whoa! [Francine punches Lisa in the stomach and face and she is crying out and faints and Willie gives a thumbs up at the camera]
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