Simpsley/Quotes
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< Simpsley
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- Luann Van Houten: There are two types of people in this modern world of ours. The admirable hardworking movers and shakers, and the poor. How I pity them. They don't have that killer instinct. The unmoneyed lack initiative, discipline. They just aren't shrewd. The poor are content to file our toenails and bleach our mustaches because they are too lazy to reach for a better life. Ambition is the sole province of the rich.
- Luann: Ugh, Italians are so European.
- Marge: Mrs. Skinner, as I live and breathe.
- Agnes Skinner: I'm sorry. Do I know you?
- Marge: Marjorie Bouvier. I'm an old friend of Seymour's. We met at your charity ball for… Oh, what was it?
- Agnes: The Policemen's Malevolent Association.
- Marge: Yes, police violence is such an important cause.
- Marge: Seymour Skinner? What are you doing on a beach in Bella Truffa?
- Seymour Skinner: Hmm? I'd ask you the same if I had the slightest clue who you are.
- Marge: Marge Bouvier. We met at Ditherton. We were in the same econ class.
- Seymour: I never took econ.
- Marge: Maybe I'm thinking of statistics with Professor…
- Seymour: Needlemeyer.
- Marge: Yes, I was a few rows behind you.
- Seymour: I didn't take him. I had Gopnik.
- Marge: We had Gopnik, of course.
- Seymour: As a private tutor.
- Marge: Um, me too. I had him right after you.
- Seymour: Oh, of course. But Ditherton's a men's college.
- Marge: Yes. Which is why I dressed up as a man in order to attend. To prove a point to the sexist dean.
- Seymour: Ah, that explains it. Nice to meet you again.
- Homer Simpsley: Seymour, did you see me do a handstand? Did you see? D… Who's this?
- Seymour: Marge Bouvier, meet Homer Simpsley. Another well-to-do friend I made in Napoli. He's become my travel companion, food taster and, uh, temporary house guest.
- Homer: Permanent roommate.
- Marge: You're, uh, quite the prodigious painter.
- Seymour: Yes, and Homer's quite the muse. The prominent curves. The shadowy folds. And he can hold absolutely still for hours.
- Marge: Seymour said you came from money. Remind me what does your family do again?
- Homer: Uh, my wealthy family owns a lucrative skull factory. Can't get ahead without a Simpsley skull. Hey, that's a pretty good lie.
- Marge: No, it wasn't.
- Seymour: The mushrooms were super, Mario.
- Wario: [in Italian] My name is Wario, idiot! Wah!
- Marge: Seymour, darling, now that we're living together,I think it's time Homer moved out.
- Seymour: Mmm. He has been acting a bit queer to use the parlance of our time.
- Homer: [imitating Seymour] Uh, do you like it, Homer? Marge finds it garish. [normal self] Her face is garish. [imitating Seymour] You're incorrigible. Hmm. You know, I've been thinking of ending things with her. [normal self] Really? Why? [imitating Seymour] Well, I have my eye on someone else. Someone more full figured. [normal self] What? [imitating Seymour] Just go with it. [moaning] [imitating Skinner] Oh, yes, Homer. [normal self] Oh, Skinner.
- Seymour: What the hell's going on here?
- Homer: [screams] Seymour, it's not what you think! I mean nothing to me!
- Seymour: I only tolerated your zaftig buffoonery because you were easy to paint. You're just one circle on top of another. Any idiot could draw you.
- Homer: [gasps] I didn't do this. He slapsticked himself to death.
- Marge: You know, that suit makes you look like a movie star. Like Fatty Arbuckle or that Italian actor Lardo Disgusto.
- Marge: Yes, yes! Homer lived with us. Lived off of us, I should say. He was a real… What's the Italian word?
- Chief Wiggum: Uh, "moocharello."
- Marge: Exactly.
- Chief Wiggum: Well, it sounds like an open-and-a-shut case of fatso "suicidio." And good riddance, right, Mr. Skinner?
- Marge: May Homer Simpsley rot in hell.
- Homer: Geez Louise. Is killing rich guys your solution to everything?
- Marge: Oh, my. When Mr. Chalmers left last night, he said he was going to find some Sicilians and insult their mothers. [gasps] Could that be a clue?
- Homer: What luck. I almost confessed to everything. The murders, the fraud, trying all those gelato flavors without ever buying any.
- Blue-haired lawyer: Dear Mr. Skinner, I'm writing with sad news. Your mother has died. She read your letter about your hasty marriage and was so incensed that you found true love that she choked on her broth and drowned. She leaves the entirety of her fortune to you. The board of directors will run the family business. Leaving you and your new spouse free to continue your life of spoiled excess. On behalf of the firm, we wish you both a long and happy union.
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