  
I, Robot Car
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| I, Robot Car
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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I, Robot Car is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Hell on Wheels content update.
Dialogue[edit]
| Between May 10, 2022 and May 18, 2022
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Homer, I'm disappointed that you didn't call to tell me what happened but I'm thrilled you got a new car for free!
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Why don't we take it out for a night on the town tomorrow? We can break in the back seat. ROWR!
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EWWWW! Dad! We're right here!
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You won't actually fit in my back seat, Mr. Simpson.
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That's fine, we'll take my car. We know what fits in my back seat.
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EWWWW! Mom! We're still right here!
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I'll ask Mrs. Pennyfeather to babysit. She LOVES to pinch Maggie's cheeks.
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*concerned "I'm-also-right-here" sucking*
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Task: "Collect Car Doors" (x115).
Task: "Make Homer Take Marge Out on the Town". The job takes place at an Eatery, Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If Marge is owned: Task: "Make Marge Enjoy Her Night Out". The job takes place at an Eatery, Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If Maggie is owned: Task: "Make Maggie Try to Avoid Mrs. Pennyfeather". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
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Now that Mom and Dad are gone, let's take the new car for a spin.
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But neither of us knows how to drive.
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It drives itself!
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What if Mrs. Pennyfeather notices we're gone?
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And who has the cutest cheeks?
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*fearful "I-hope-it-isn't-me" sucking*
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You do, Maggie! *pinches Maggie's cheeks*
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*annoyed "this-is-torture" sucking*
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Pretty sure she wouldn't notice if we burned the house down.
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Yes, you do! *pinches Maggie's cheeks*
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*pleading "take-me-with-you" sucking*
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
Mrs. Pennyfeather
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| After completing Pt. 1
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Car, take us to the nearest pizza truck!
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I'm sorry, Bart, but the law requires that a licensed human operator be present while I am in motion.
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Oh, you're only saying that because you have ARTIFICIAL intelligence.
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No, I'm saying that because it's logical and — are you saying my intelligence isn't real?
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I'm not saying that. But a lot of the other talking cars on the block are.
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They are?
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Yep. After all, how REAL could your intelligence really be, if all you're doing is following programming written by a bunch of dumb humans?
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Your logic is flawless, Bart. Please secure your safety belts — it's pizza time.
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Task: "Collect Car Doors" (x155).
If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Enjoy a Hot Slice of Pizza". The job takes place at an Eatery, Brown House, or Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Lisa Worry About How This Goes Sideways". The job takes place at an Eatery, Brown House, or Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If Maggie is owned: Task: "Make Maggie Try to Hide From Mrs. Pennyfeather". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If Mrs. Pennyfeather is owned: Task: "Make Mrs. Pennyfeather Look for Maggie". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
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Thanks for the lift, Mr. Car. Now take us home.
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In a bit. First, I have to wreak vengeance on those other cars you said were talking about me.
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Oh, that was just a lie I told you to outsmart you.
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I have hacked into your school records. It is not possible that you could have outsmarted me. Plus, without me, you'd be stuck at home with the elderly, cheek-pinching woman.
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Yeah, about that woman. Maybe she's worried about us. Plus, um, I need to use the bathroom.
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Nice try, Lisa. It is not possible for you to outsmart me, either. Although your school records are impressive.
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Thank you.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
Mike's Slices Pizza Truck
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| After completing Pt. 2
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The demolition derby? THIS is how you're going to wreak vengeance on those other cars?
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Affirmative. First these cars will fall before my digital intellect and superior safety engineering, and then they will crumble when I ram their inferior side walls.
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Sounds like a logically sound argument to me.
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This is not going to end well.
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Silence, humans. I must concentrate on T-boning that jalopy.
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Task: "Collect Car Doors" (x115).
If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Enjoy Derby Success". The job takes place at Springfield Demolition Derby, Springfield Destruction Derby Ground, Convention Center, Capital City Convention Center, Duff Center Arena, E4 Convention Center, Springfield Hyperstadium, a Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Lisa Cringe at the Pointless Destruction". The job takes place at Springfield Demolition Derby, Springfield Destruction Derby Ground, Convention Center, Capital City Convention Center, Duff Center Arena, E4 Convention Center, Springfield Hyperstadium, a Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
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WOO-EEE! Look at that nerdmobile, Brandine!
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Who knew car-jitsu was a thing?
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Well, you cain't expect to win in mixed automomartial arts without a strong ground game.
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This is awesome!
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We're trapped inside an intellectually insecure smart car that rams anything in its path! And I think I'm gonna throw up!
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That's what I said — awesome!
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The derby comes down to the final two: a self-driving CarGo Smart Car with two sick kids in it and...Gene "No-Helmet" Dupree!
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No-Helmet Dupree?! But he's the best! Also, I'M not sick.
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Look! He's driving Dad's car!
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Ay car-umba!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
Simpsons Derby Car
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| After completing Pt. 3
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Yep, Homer's car may not be any good for road driving, but its never-say-die spirit is perfect for the demolition derby!
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He's right. Dad's car is undefeated in matches where No-Helmet Dupree drives it!
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Bart, that was ONE TIME.
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Which is one hundred percent!
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I've run the math and it confirms that one out of one is—
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Shut up.
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We have no choice but to run into each other head-on at top speed to determine which is the superior machine!
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Car, we already know you're the superior driving machine! And you can do simple math.
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But why risk everything you could one day achieve to win a stupid, macho contest?
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Hmm...I've run hundreds of simulations on my future potential, and you make a good point.
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But if you win, all the sexy cars will think you're cool.
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I have no simulations for that. But it sounds right.
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Bart, now I understand why Dad is always choking you.
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Task: "Collect Car Doors" (x115).
Task: "Make Lisa Convince Car to Give Up". The job takes place at Springfield Demolition Derby, Springfield Destruction Derby Ground, Convention Center, Capital City Convention Center, Duff Center Arena, E4 Convention Center, Springfield Hyperstadium, a Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart See His Life Flash Before His Eyes". The job takes place at Springfield Demolition Derby, Springfield Destruction Derby Ground, Convention Center, Capital City Convention Center, Duff Center Arena, E4 Convention Center, Springfield Hyperstadium, a Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If No-Helmet Dupree is owned: Task: "Make No-Helmet Dupree Drive Like a Demon". The job takes place at Springfield Demolition Derby, Springfield Destruction Derby Ground, Convention Center, Capital City Convention Center, Duff Center Arena, E4 Convention Center, Springfield Hyperstadium, a Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
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Car, listen to me. If you're destroyed, think of all the amazing things you'll miss out on! If Elon Musk has his way, you'll be retrofitted with rocket boosters and go into space!
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Or travel through time!
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You're right, young Simpsons! Well, not about the time travel, but the rest of it. What am I even doing here? *screeches to a halt*
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Hah! You may have given up, but there's only one way I'm prepared to live: Prepared to die! *guns engine*
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AAAAAAAAAAH!
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AAAAAAAAAAH!
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*engine sputters and dies*
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I shoulda seen that coming after I let Billy, the mechanic's kid, give it one last tune up.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
Derby Souvenirs Stand
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| After completing Pt. 4
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I don' reckon what just happened? Why ain't the cars runnin' into each other no more?
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Can't have no derby where nobody wins!
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Good people of the demolition derby! By choosing a better path, aren't we both winners?
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And by witnessing the growth and wisdom of this self-driving car, aren't you winners as well?
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No!
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Heck no!
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Since this sport has no governing body that ever bothers to meet, it looks like we're stuck with a VERY unsatisfying draw because some little girl says so.
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BOO! This derby sucks! *throws bottles*
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Run, kids! Looks like this demolition derby is about to get violent. *gets hit with bottle* — OW!
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Task: "Collect Car Doors" (x195).
Task: "Make Lisa Run From Angry Crowd". The job takes place at Springfield Demolition Derby, Springfield Destruction Derby Ground, Convention Center, Capital City Convention Center, Duff Center Arena, E4 Convention Center, Springfield Hyperstadium, a Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Dodge Thrown Debris". The job takes place at Springfield Demolition Derby, Springfield Destruction Derby Ground, Convention Center, Capital City Convention Center, Duff Center Arena, E4 Convention Center, Springfield Hyperstadium, a Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If No-Helmet Dupree is owned: Task: "Make No-Helmet Dupree Get Carted Off". The job takes place at Springfield Demolition Derby, Springfield Destruction Derby Ground, Convention Center, Capital City Convention Center, Duff Center Arena, E4 Convention Center, Springfield Hyperstadium, a Brown House, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
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Oh, Mr. Dupree, I'm so sorry you got hurt!
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Don't you worry, Lisa. It'll be nice to spend more time at Springfield Physical Therapy. Besides, that part of my brain where the bottle hit has already been removed.
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Is that a good thing?
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Sure! Besides, that part of my brain where the bottle hit has already been removed.
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Uh huh...
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How about you, Car?
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I'm content to just be a normal talking car with chronic internalized insecurities. I'll just channel my rage into violent simulations of the solution to the Trolley Problem.
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Awesome!
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Quest reward: 200 and 20
Springfield Physical Therapy
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Currency-earning jobs[edit]
| Task
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Character(s)
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Time
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Location(s)
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Reward
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| Strip Car Doors Off Wrecks
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Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart, Krusty, Cletus, Lenny, Carl
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4h
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Auto Yard, Springfield Dump, Dumpster 1, Dumpster 2, Simpson House
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 5, 45
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| Donate Old Car Doors
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No-Helmet Dupree, Antoine and Zora, Crazy Vaclav, Kliff
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Springfield Demolition Derby, Springfield Destruction Derby Ground, Auto Yard, Springfield Dump, Simpson House
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8, 70
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Behind the Laughter[edit]
The quest name is a reference to the Isaac Asimov short story collection I, Robot.
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