The Joy of Sect/Quotes
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- [Homer and Bart arrive at the Springfield International Airport.]
- Bart: Thanks for letting me skip school to see the team come back from the championship, dad!
- Homer: I always say, a boy can learn more at an airport than he can in any school.
- [Homer and Bart continue their walk through the airport. They pass some religious people.]
- Hare Krishna: Have you heard of Krishna Consciousness?
- Homer : This, Bart, is a crazy man!
- [They move on.]
- Scott Christian: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
- Homer: [sarcastic] Right, that'll work.
- [They move on.]
- Woman: A new and better life awaits you on our distant home planet, Blisstonia.
- Homer: Hmmm, makes sense!
- [Hans Moleman enters "Just Crichton and King Bookstore".]
- Hans Moleman: Do you have anything by Robert Ludlum?
- Clerk: [sinister] Get out.
- Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
- Homer: Out of my way, Jerk Ass!
- Bart: Nobody can brainwash Bart Simpson. Nothing that I can't handle.
- [Movementarian pulls out a briefcase labeled "Lil' Bastard Brainwash" and Bart enters a room. He reappears a few seconds later.]
- Bart: I love The Leader.
- Marge: When we got married, you promised me my harvesting days were over.
- Sect Mover: Your family will be housed here for the first 100,000 years, then something might open up in a double.
- Homer: Why even unpack?
- Homer: Marge, when I join an underground cult I expect a little support from my family.
- Lisa: Dad, do you think you might have been brainwashed?
- Homer Simpson: I have not been brainwashed! Kill the girl.
- Lisa: Watch yourself, Dad - you're the highly suggestible type.
- Homer: Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.
- Bart: Church, cult, cult, church. So we'll get bored someplace else every Sunday. Does this really change our everyday lives?
- [Lovejoy begins to spill gasoline all over the church.]
- Reverend Lovejoy: I never thought I'd have to do this again.
- Reverend Lovejoy: This new so-called religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate.
- [The Leader drives past in a Rolls-Royce.]
- Lisa: We toil in the fields and he drives around in a Rolls-Royce?
- Homer: Yes, it would be nice if he'd buy American, but what are you going to do?
- Lisa: It's great that we can all think for ourselves again.
- [Family returns to watching TV.]
- FOX Announcer: You are watching FOX.
- Family: [Robotically] We are watching FOX.
