Difference between revisions of "Bye, Bye, Nerdie/Quotes"

Revision as of 07:49, May 26, 2011

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Marge: Ah! Homer, you're still here? You should have left for work an hour ago.

Homer: They said if I come in late for work again, I'm fired. I can't take that chance.

Marge: Stop! Stoooop!

Otto: Oh, you wanna drag?

Marge: (gasps) Hrmmm. I'm not racing! It's me, Marge Simpson!

Otto: No, you eat my dust!

Terri: Red hair?

Sherri: What's she trying to pull?

Janey: Those shoes look Canadian.

Boy with orthodontic headgear: She'll never fit in.

Lisa: Oh, it's tough being the new kid. Someone should go talk to her.

Bart: Yeah, somebody should. (looking out of window) One-hour dry cleaner? Man, that's fast.

Sales lady: Your baby is dead! (Marge and Homer gasp) That's what you'd hear if your baby fell victim to the thousands of death-traps lurking in the average American home. (she hands Marge a business card)

Marge: "Springfield Baby-Proofing"?

Homer: You... you really scared us!

Sales lady: Sorry about that. But the truth is, your baby Maggie Simpson, is dead! (Marge and Homer gasp) Dead tired of baby-proofers who don't provide a free estimate.

(the sales lady puts on a baby bonnet)

Sales lady: Now, pretend I'm a baby.

(she starts to crawl around the kitchen floor, making baby noises)

Sales lady: Goo, goo. Me wike to expwore!

Homer: (to Marge) That's a pretty big caboose for a baby.

Marge: Homer, don't be... wow, that is huge!

Sales lady: Okay, with the window bars, toilet latches, dingo alarm and grapefruit squirt shield, your total cost would be... wow, I'm rich!

Marge: Why don't you try reaching out to this new girl? See if you two have a common interest.

Lisa: Hmm. Well, lots of people like jazz fusion. (she pulls out her sax and demonstrates)

Marge: Okay, that's in the maybe file. What if you two bond over your Malibu Stacy dolls?

Lisa: They're not dolls, they're aspiration figures.

Homer: That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. (he begins to draw)

Marge: She's not afraid of bunnies.

Homer: (ominously) She will be.

Homer: Now, do you realize how unsafe the American home is? Baby accidents occur every three minutes.

Marge: I'm the one who told you that!

Homer: Yeah, but this is me talkin'. Look! I already encased the phone in concrete.

Marge: How are you supposed to dial?

Homer: Reach into these holes. I use a carrot.

Marge: Isn't that a little excessive? I mean, how are the buttons dangerous?

Homer: Baby could order poison!

Lisa: Would you bullies be interested in some body guard work?

Nelson: Oh, this is so funny. We were just talking about moving into protection.

Dolph: We're offering a recess and lunch package that's very affordable.

Nelson: Sorry, we don't do girls. They bite and kick and scratch.

Dolph: And sometimes we fall in love.

(the bullies sigh)

Lisa: Wow, there's so much I don't understand about bullying.

Nelson: Yeah, there's a lot of history there. Did you know is predates agriculture?

Lisa: I just don't understand Francine's motivation. Why does she only go after the smart ones?

Nelson: That's like asking the square root of a million... no one will ever know.

Lisa: Willie, I need to see the school security tapes.

Willie: Security tapes? There's no security tapes!

Lisa: (pointing at a camera) It's hard to miss the cameras.

Willie: Aye. Willie's a stinkin' liar.

Lisa: Why does the school need to watch us all the time?

Willie: School?

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