Difference between revisions of "Muscularly Endowed Privateer"

Latest revision as of 08:35, March 11, 2025

Muscularly Endowed Privateer is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Time Traveling Toaster content update. It requires the Sexy Pirate to be obtained.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Sexy Pirate's exclamation mark Hoist up the mainsail, me mateys, because thar... she... blows. You have some nerve-- oh! I didn't see you there. Hello, captain. Did you just sail into port? Aye, miss. And I be on the lookout for plunder and pillage. Of the late-thirties female variety. But I'm married. Although to a pirate significantly less... SEXY... than yourself. Aye. I have a way of shivering the female timbers. Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Seduce Luann". The job takes place at the Van Houten House and takes 4 hours. If Luann is owned: Task: "Make Luann Succumb to Flattery". The job takes place at the Van Houten House and takes 4 hours. Have you killed many men in battle, you sexy, dangerous man? Aye. I have killed the sexiest number of men -- nine. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Sexy Pirate's exclamation mark Hoist up the mainsail, me mateys, because thar... she... blows. I bet you use that lame pick-up line on women all the time. Yes. I lack imagination, due to my overall low intelligence. But I make up for it with incredible sexiness. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am happily married to an even sexier pirate: Mr. Homer J. Simpson. He must be very sexy indeed. Which is exactly why I MUST steal his woman! Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Try to Seduce Marge". The job takes 8 hours. Get away from my wife before I rip out your seductive heart and cram it down your arousing throat! Sexily, I comply. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Why don't you go back to the sea, you titillating jerk? I... I cannot. I hang my luscious head in shame. Why can't you go to sea? You're a sexy PIRATE, right? Sexy, I am. But a pirate? No. I was born, you see, in a Florida theme park. Raised from ravishing birth, I was, to play the role of Sexy Pirate, a character from a beloved movie franchise. At the age of two, I could apply eye liner to my perfect face. I could tie a scarf at three. But I never learned the ways of the sea. Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Hang His Head in Shame". The job takes place at a Brown House and takes 4 hours. I am a fraud! A disgusting, chiseled, irresistible, sensual fraud! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Sexy Pirate's exclamation mark I am tired of living a super hot lie. You poor, gorgeous man. Get it all out. Tired of sculpting my flawless physique in the gym. Tired of yearning to make love to my own reflection. But most of all, I am tired of being able to take any woman I want, at any time. In any way. Anywhere. You don't have to be sexy anymore. It is true? Can I truly stop lying, and happily grow as disgusting as you? Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Let It All Hang Out". The job takes 60 minutes. Ahhh... after a lifetime, I finally know what carbs taste like. One percent body fat, and rising! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Homer Simpson! You've ruined our sexy pirate! Ruined? Why, I've merely shown him a world of sloth and obesity, a heaven all men are entitled to. No, Homer. Alas, the desperate housewife is correct. A lazy slob, I cannot be. Sexy pirates are put on this earth to tantalize. Without us, the lives of women everywhere are meaningless. I see that now. I thank you, Homer, for the brief glimpse of paradise you have given me. Now, to sexiness I return. Avast, ye middle aged ladies. Objectify me! Task: "Make Sexy Pirate Embrace His Inner Stereotype". The job takes place at a Brown House and takes 4 hours. I will never forget the taste of donuts. But my place is in the weight room! Quest reward: 200 and 20