Difference between revisions of "Land of the Lard"

Latest revision as of 08:33, March 11, 2025

Land of the Lard is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Time Traveling Toaster content update.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark What could I possibly have done to make Marge fall for a billionaire like Artie, instead of a worthless drunk like me? I'm assuming that in your timeline, the Lisa that's your daughter warned you not to alter the past. That's why I love you, Lisa. In any universe, you're a shameless nag. Two things: first, Other Me told you so. Nah-nah-nah. And second, whatever tiny change you made to history, there has to be a way to undo it. Then I won't quit until I've set things aright. Or enough time has passed that I don't seem like too bad a guy for giving up! Task: "Make Homer Unchange the Future". The job takes place at Homer's Workbench and takes 4 hours. After starting the job I've located the caveman most likely to be Artie's ancestor. But how to be sure...? I'm Caveman Ziff! Now all I gotta do is figure out how to stop him from ever having offspring, and modern-day Artie just disappears! This is the nicest form of murder I've ever come up with. What a good guy I am! After finishing the task Hey, Caveman Ziff! Where are all the other men? How come you stay at the cave all day, alone with the women? Well, those troglodytes consider me a shameful weakling, unfit to join the clan's hunting party. So I am left here... all day... alone with their wives... When you're the only available man, it hardly matters HOW pitiable you are. Your very pathetic-ness is your greatest strength. Fascinating! Thank you! Quest reward: 850 and 10

Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark I need to show the cave ladies Artie is too big a coward to mate with. No matter HOW desperate they are. Bart, I need firecrackers. I don't have any firecrackers. You're not in trouble, I will pay you. Please, tell me or else, and I love you. All good reasons. Second drawer. Task: "Make Homer Set Off Firecrackers". The job takes place at Homer's Workbench and takes 4 hours. After starting the job Look! Look, Neander-babes! See how Caveman Ziff cowers from the fiery explosions! After finishing the task Behold, ladies! I have created fire! Tremble at my extreme desirability! D'oh! Quest reward: 850 and 10

Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Lisa, if you needed to outsmart a primitive cave-person raised in an environment of complete ignorance, what would YOU do? You're smarter than a caveman. You've just got to be. I know! I'll crush him with a rock! I take that back. I suppose I could get him drunk. Expose him to our modern, high-tech alcohols. Let him make a fool of himself. How needlessly complex. Give it a shot! Task: "Make Homer Leave a Keg for Caveman Artie". The job takes place at Homer's Workbench and takes 4 hours. Hey, idiot! You're supposed to DRINK from the keg, not roll it around! Behold, women! Caveman Ziff has another amazing invention. First, fire. Now, the wheel! Swoon at my greatness! At this rate, I'll return to a world populated entirely by Artie Ziffs. Quest reward: 850 and 10

Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark You know what they say: if at first you don't succeed, and at second you suck even worse, go back to the first idea you had, but do it bigger. Hey, Professor! What's the biggest explosion you can whip up in ten minutes or less? What's the rush? You DO have access to a time machine. Glayvin. I don't see your point. Chop chop! All righty. I WAS going to provide you with a small nuclear device, but owing to your profound and obvious imbecility, just take this rocket. Now leave me alone. Have fun destroying something. Task: "Make Homer Fire a Rocket". The job takes place at Homer's Workbench and takes 4 hours. After starting the job Behold, Cave honeys! Caveman Ziff, a very ugly and puny man, has meddled with the forces of nature, and now the gods are pissed! Let's see... how do you set this rocket off...? ... Uh, oh. After finishing the task So, good news: I don't think Caveman Ziff is too popular with the ladies anymore. Bad news: we now know what wiped out the wooly mammoths. And that all the saber-toothed tigers were crushed beneath falling wooly mammoths. Message The story will continue in Act 2. Keep collecting Fossils and Hidden Gems to get more prizes! Quest reward: 2,050 and 10

Behind the Laughter[edit]

The quest name is a reference to the TV series Land of the Lost.