Difference between revisions of "The Joy of Sect/Quotes"

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< The Joy of Sect
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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Bart Carny|Das Bus}}
 
{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Bart Carny|Das Bus}}
  
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:[''Homer and Bart arrive at the [[Springfield International Airport]].'']
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{{qf|[[Bart]]}} Thanks for lettin' me skip school to see the team come back from the championship, Dad.
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{{qf|[[Bart]]}} Thanks for letting me skip school to see the team come back from the championship, dad!
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{{qf|[[Homer]]}} I always say, a boy can learn more at an airport than he can at any school.
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{{qf|[[Homer]]}} I always say, a boy can learn more at an airport than he can in any school.
 
 
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:''[Homer and Bart continue their walk through the airport. They pass some religious people.]''
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{{qf|{{ap|Jane|The Joy of Sect}}}} We're having a free get-acquainted session at our resort this weekend.
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{{qf|Hare Krishna}} Have you heard of Krishna Consciousness?
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{{qf|Homer}} How much is this free resort weekend?
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{{qf|Homer}} This, Bart, is a crazy man!
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{{qf|[[Glen]]}} It's free.
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:''[They move on.]''
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{{qf|Homer}} And when is this weekend?
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{{qf|[[Scott Christian]]}} Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
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{{qf|Glen}} It's this weekend.
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{{qf|Homer}} ''[sarcastic]'' Right, that'll work.
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{{qf|Homer}} Uh huh. And how much does it cost?
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:''[They move on.]''
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{{qf|Glen}} Um, it's free.
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{{qf|Woman}} A new and better life awaits you on our distant home planet, [[Blisstonia]].
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{{qf|Homer}} I see. And when is it?
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{{qf|Homer}} Hmmm, makes sense!
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{{qf|Glen}} It's this weekend.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} And what are you charging for this free weekend?
 
----
 
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:[Hans Moleman enters "[[Just Crichton and King Bookstore]]".]
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{{qf|[[Marge]]}} But what if they try to talk us into something?
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{{qf|[[Hans Moleman]]}} Do you have anything by {{W|Robert Ludlum}}?
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{{qf|Homer}} Marge, Marge, Marge. Remember when those smooth-talking guys tried to sell me a time-share vacation condo?
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{{qf|Clerk}} ''[sinister]'' Get out.
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{{qf|Marge}} You bought four of them. Thank God the check bounced.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} So, I beat the system.
 
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{{qf|Homer}} Homer no function beer well without.
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{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Watch yourself, Dad. You're the highly suggestible type.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Yes. I am the highly suggestible type.
 
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{{qf|Homer}} Out of my way, Jerk Ass!
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{{qf|Jane}} It certainly is a beautiful day. We should thank the Leader.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Who the hell is that? Some kind of leader?
 
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{{qf|Bart}} Nobody can brainwash Bart Simpson. Nothing that I can't handle.
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{{qf|Glen}} Beer is not allowed.
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:''[Movementarian pulls out a briefcase labeled "Lil' Bastard Brainwash" and Bart enters a room. He reappears a few seconds later.]''
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{{qf|Homer}} Homer no function beer well without.
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{{qf|Bart}} I love [[The Leader]].
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{{qf|Jane}} Would you rather have beer or complete and utter contentment?
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{{qf|Homer}} What kind of beer?
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{{qf|[[Marge]]}} When we got married, you promised me my harvesting days were over.
 
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{{qf|Sect Mover}} Your family will be housed here for the first 100,000 years, then something might open up in a double.
 
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{{qf|Homer}} Why even unpack?
 
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{{qf|Homer}} Marge, when I join an underground cult I expect a little support from my family.
 
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{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Dad, do you think you might have been brainwashed?
 
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{{qf|Homer Simpson}} I have not been brainwashed! Kill the girl.
 
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{{qf|Lisa}} Watch yourself, Dad - you're the highly suggestible type.
 
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{{qf|Homer}} Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.
 
 
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{{qf|Bart}} Church, cult, cult, church. So we'll get bored someplace else every Sunday. Does this really change our everyday lives?
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{{qf|Homer}} Wait - I'm confused about the movie. So the cops knew that internal affairs was setting them up?
 +
{{qf|Glen}} What are you talking about? There's nothing like that in there.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Well, you see, when I get bored, I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span
 
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:''[Lovejoy begins to spill gasoline all over the church.]''
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{{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} Springfield has been overrun by a strange and almost certainly evil sect calling themselves the Movementarians. In exchange for your home and all your money, the Leader of this "way-out" and wrong religion, claims he'll take believers away on his spaceship to the planet Blisstonia. Excuse my editorial laugh. But... ''[gets news]'' Ladies and gentlemen, I've just learned of a change in this station's management. Welcome, Movementarians! Continue to improve our lives! I love you, Perfect Leader. And new C.E.O. of K-B-B-O broadcasting!
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{{qf|[[Reverend Lovejoy]]}} I never thought I'd have to do ''this'' again.
 
 
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{{qf|Reverend Lovejoy}} This new so-called religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate.
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{{qf|Homer}} See, Marge? Our lives are so much better now
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{{qf|Glen}} ''[over P.A.]'' You two! Stop talking and resume the lima bean harvest!
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{{qf|Marge}} When we got married, you promised me my harvesting days were over.
 
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:''[The Leader drives past in a Rolls-Royce.]''
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{{qf|Marge}} Now, how are we going to get my Homie back?
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{{qf|Lisa}} We toil in the fields and he drives around in a Rolls-Royce?
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{{qf|[[Groundskeeper Willie]]}} I'll kidnap him for fifty. De-program him for a hundred. And I'll kill him for five hundred.
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{{qf|Homer}} Yes, it would be nice if he'd buy American, but what are you going to do?
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{{qf|Marge}} No, no, no. Just the first two.
 +
{{qf|Willie}} All right. I'll throw in the killin' for free.
 
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{{qf|Lisa}} It's great that we can all think for ourselves again.
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{{qf|Marge}} All right, already! But do you love the Leader more than having your very own, brand new -- Hoverbikes? What do you have to say about the Leader now? Hunh? Hunh?
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:''[Family returns to watching TV.]''
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{{qf|Bart and Lisa}} The hell with him! What Leader? He can take a flying leap as far as I'm concerned! Lea-who?
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{{qf|[[FOX]] Announcer}} You are watching FOX.
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{{qf|Marge}} And who do you love now?
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{{qf|Family}} ''[Robotically]'' We are watching FOX.
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{{qf|Bart and Lisa}} Hoverbikes!!
  
 
{{Season 9|Q}}
 
{{Season 9|Q}}
 
{{DEFAULTSORT:Joy of Sect/Quotes}}
 
{{DEFAULTSORT:Joy of Sect/Quotes}}

Revision as of 08:02, June 5, 2023


Season 9 Episode Quotes
← 190 "Bart Carny"
191
"The Joy of Sect"
"Das Bus" 192 →


Bart: Thanks for lettin' me skip school to see the team come back from the championship, Dad.
Homer: I always say, a boy can learn more at an airport than he can at any school.
Jane: We're having a free get-acquainted session at our resort this weekend.
Homer: How much is this free resort weekend?
Glen: It's free.
Homer: And when is this weekend?
Glen: It's this weekend.
Homer: Uh huh. And how much does it cost?
Glen: Um, it's free.
Homer: I see. And when is it?
Glen: It's this weekend.
Homer: And what are you charging for this free weekend?
Marge: But what if they try to talk us into something?
Homer: Marge, Marge, Marge. Remember when those smooth-talking guys tried to sell me a time-share vacation condo?
Marge: You bought four of them. Thank God the check bounced.
Homer: So, I beat the system.
Lisa: Watch yourself, Dad. You're the highly suggestible type.
Homer: Yes. I am the highly suggestible type.
Jane: It certainly is a beautiful day. We should thank the Leader.
Homer: Who the hell is that? Some kind of leader?
Glen: Beer is not allowed.
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
Jane: Would you rather have beer or complete and utter contentment?
Homer: What kind of beer?
Homer: Wait - I'm confused about the movie. So the cops knew that internal affairs was setting them up?
Glen: What are you talking about? There's nothing like that in there.
Homer: Well, you see, when I get bored, I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span
Kent Brockman: Springfield has been overrun by a strange and almost certainly evil sect calling themselves the Movementarians. In exchange for your home and all your money, the Leader of this "way-out" and wrong religion, claims he'll take believers away on his spaceship to the planet Blisstonia. Excuse my editorial laugh. But... [gets news] Ladies and gentlemen, I've just learned of a change in this station's management. Welcome, Movementarians! Continue to improve our lives! I love you, Perfect Leader. And new C.E.O. of K-B-B-O broadcasting!
Homer: See, Marge? Our lives are so much better now
Glen: [over P.A.] You two! Stop talking and resume the lima bean harvest!
Marge: When we got married, you promised me my harvesting days were over.
Marge: Now, how are we going to get my Homie back?
Groundskeeper Willie: I'll kidnap him for fifty. De-program him for a hundred. And I'll kill him for five hundred.
Marge: No, no, no. Just the first two.
Willie: All right. I'll throw in the killin' for free.
Marge: All right, already! But do you love the Leader more than having your very own, brand new -- Hoverbikes? What do you have to say about the Leader now? Hunh? Hunh?
Bart and Lisa: The hell with him! What Leader? He can take a flying leap as far as I'm concerned! Lea-who?
Marge: And who do you love now?
Bart and Lisa: Hoverbikes!!
Season 9 Quotes
The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson • The Principal and the Pauper • Lisa's Sax • Treehouse of Horror VIII • The Cartridge Family • Bart Star • The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons • Lisa the Skeptic • Realty Bites • Miracle on Evergreen Terrace • All Singing, All Dancing • Bart Carny • The Joy of Sect • Das Bus • The Last Temptation of Krust • Dumbbell Indemnity • Lisa the Simpson • This Little Wiggy • Simpson Tide • The Trouble with Trillions • Girly Edition • Trash of the Titans • King of the Hill • Lost Our Lisa • Natural Born Kissers
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