Difference between revisions of "Homerland/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 14:16, May 9, 2021

Lisa: Ooh, there's new marshmallows in the Belfast Charms!

Marge: No! No, that's Bart's cereal. It's the only way I can get him to take his "vitamins."

Bart: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.

Lisa: That's not right.

Bart: Yes, it is. They're my lines as the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz.

Selma Bouvier: Well, he's not in the Boise morgue. Maybe he was mistaken for a dead elephant and flown back to Kenya.

Marge: You're talking about my husband.

Selma: To spare your feelings, we'll just call him the Blob.

Patty Bouvier: Two to one says the Blob is stuck in the water-intake pipe at the reservoir.

Chief Wiggum: Sorry I'm late, everyone. I had some trouble getting the voice mails off the 9-1-1 line. Why does everyone have to talk so fast and panicky?

Man on the phone: [slowly and clearly] A man with a gun is in my house.

Chief Wiggum: Gibberish.

Marge: Homie, what happened to you?!

Homer: I overslept, lost my cell phone, missed my flight.

Marge: Why didn't you call us?

Homer: Well, all the pay phone at the airport were replaced by self-serve yogurt. I ate all the cookie dough toppings a man could want.

Bart: So many cookies will never be born.

Marge: Dear Christian god...

Lisa: Hey!

Marge: Sorry, dear god... You know which one I mean.

Marge: I been having snuggle dreams.

Homer: Marge, I changed in Boise. I'm not sure a man who eats right and doesn't drink.

Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?

Annie Crawford: Agent Crawford, FBI.

Bart: You guys know I don't talk to field agents. Get your boss on the phone.

Annie: Don't talk.

Homer: Okay.

Annie: I want you to know I'm the best there is at finding out what you're up to.

Homer: Ooh.

Annie: I can torture you. I can give you incredible sex. Or you can just tell me what I want to know.

Homer: What was the first one again?

Annie: I see. You're stupid.

Homer: Hey. I'm the one in bed with two beautiful women.

Annie: [gasps] You think I'm beautiful? Oh!

Homer: In a breaking-and-entering kind of way.

Annie: Well, give me something or I'm not leaving.

Apu: Chief Wiggum, how come every time there's a terrorist chatter in this town, you come to me?

Chief Wiggum: Lay off, Apu. When I look at people, I don't see colors. I just see crackpot religions.

Lisa: Dad?!

Homer: Huh? How'd you get in here?

Lisa: Girl Scout Cookies get you in anywhere.

Lisa: We did it, Dad. We did it.

Homer: We sure did.

Lisa: You weren't shot.

Homer: No, I was just up late watching a movie. Something with William Holden and... [snoring]