Difference between revisions of "Brawl in the Family/Quotes"
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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|She of Little Faith|Sweets and Sour Marge}} | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|She of Little Faith|Sweets and Sour Marge}} | ||
| − | + | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} A grizzly bear with a chainsaw. Now, there's a killing machine! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I'm gonna come back with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife. An annulment from his secret wife! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} We don't need TV to have family fun. Why don't we play [[Monopoly]]? | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Which version? ''[pulls board games from the closet]'' We've got "[[Star Wars Monopoly]]", "Rasta-mon opoly", "Galipolopoly", "[[Edna Krabappoly]]." | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Let's stick to regular Monopoly. The game is crazy enough as it is; how can an iron be a landlord? | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :[While the family is playing Monopoly] | + | :''[While the family is playing Monopoly.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} ''[holding some money Homer has given him]'' You're a little light here, Dad. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I'm good for the rest... you know I am! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Well, I'd like to trust you, Homer, but you've been in jail 3 times. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} They told me it would be like this on the outside. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[picks up one of Bart's "hotels"]'' These hotels are made of Legos. Bart, you're cheating! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Lisa, it was probably an accident. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Oh, sure, you take his side, just because he bought you that house on St. James Place. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Who else is going to take care of her? Dad? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Why, you little... ''[throttles Bart]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Stop fighting! ''[throttles Homer]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Mom, that's not how you pry them apart! ''[grabs Bart's arm and tries to pull him away from Homer]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} I've been prying them apart since before you were born! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Brenda]]}} I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner. ''[yells]'' DESTROY! DESTROY! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lou]]}} Another case of Monopoly-related violence, Chief. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} How do those Parker Brothers sleep at night? | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Brenda}} No way! This is my collar! ''[Chief Wiggum switches off Brenda's power switch and she shuts down]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Too bad real women don't come with these, huh? ''[laughs]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[laughs]'' You got that right. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Quiet, you. That counts as your phone call. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :[When the Simpsons are in jail] | + | :''[When the Simpsons are in jail.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Thanks a lot, everybody. Now, I'll never get into an Ivy League school. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[taunting]'' You're going to Stanford, you're going to Stanford ... | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer and Bart}} ''[taunting]'' You're going to Stanford! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Take it back! Take it back! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Stanford. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Gabriel]]}} Hello, I'm Gabriel. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[gasps]'' A heavenly choir! You must be an angel. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Gabriel}} ''[laughs]'' No, that's my pager. ''[turns his pager off]'' I'm a social worker. I'm here to help you stop fighting and become a family again. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} No, you are an angel, like {{W|Denzel Washington}} in "{{W|The Preacher's Wife}}", or [[Will Smith]] in "{{W|Bagger Vance}}", or {{W|Slimer}} in "[[Ghostbusters]]". | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Sir, we know you're not an angel. My husband sees too many movies. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Don't blame me, blame Tinseltown and its second golden age. May it never end. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :[Bart brings Gabriel to school] | + | :''[Bart brings Gabriel to school.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[to the kids at school]'' Attention, everyone! This is Gabriel, my personal social worker. He has to be here. I'm just that nuts. ''[the kids are impressed]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} How come you get a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata. ''[holds up his bloody hands]'' | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Food keeps my family happy, so I make a few practice dinners before showtime, 'cause at 6 o'clock, we go live! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :[When Homer brings Gabriel to | + | :''[When Homer brings Gabriel to [[Moe's]].]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Okay, Gabriel, this is a bar. It's where I go to drink alcohol, which is the mortal equivalent of your ambrosia. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Gabriel}} Homer, I am not an angel. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Pfft. Well, not with that temper. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :[Gabriel takes the | + | :''[Gabriel takes the Simpsons' to the rules.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Okay, why are we in the woods? Is this Heaven? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Gabriel}} No, Homer. I brought you out here to shake off your negative behavior patterns. Marge, you medicate your family with food. Bart, you'll do anything for attention ...cut that out! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[with a beard of bees]'' They chose me. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Okay, family huddle. ''[everyone huddles together and Homer lowers his voice to a whisper]'' Now, here's how it's going down. As a family, we drive away. We cover for each other, as a family. It's what Gabriel would have wanted. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Look, we can't fall into old patterns. We've got to think of a plan. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[in a whisper]'' Okay, but talk like this. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[in a whisper]'' Fine, I'll talk like this. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[in his normal voice]'' What? | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} You know, we've been through some 280 adventures together, but our bond has never been stronger. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Yep, our family is as functional as all get-out. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Could this be the end of our series... of events? | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} But Marge, it wasn't my fault... liquors drunkened me! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Amber Simpson|Amber]]}} ''[to Lisa]'' I could show you how to put on makeup. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} I'm 8 years old. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Amber}} You could look 7. ''[to Bart]'' And I can teach you how to count cards. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} I already have a system. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[wakes up]'' Aah, the sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Judge Harm]]}} Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or "Mormon hold-'em," is perfectly legal. ''[bangs gavel]'' Both marriages stand. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} But I only love Marge! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Judge Harm}} I hereby order you to take care of both of your wives. Bailiff, ring him. ''[a bailiff puts a second wedding ring onto Homer's finger]'' | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Homer? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Marge? You're speaking to me!? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Why don't you come inside and we'll talk? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} About what? Sports? Bigamy? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Bigamy. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Not a sports fan, huh? | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Grampa]]}} Oh, I lost another wife. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} I'm sorry, Grampa. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grampa}} Well, it hurts now, but the senility will take care of that. There she goes. ''[to Homer]'' You know, I have a son about your age. | |
| − | + | ||
| − | {{Season 13 Q}} | + | {{Season 13|Q}} |
Latest revision as of 17:21, October 15, 2021
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- Homer: A grizzly bear with a chainsaw. Now, there's a killing machine!
- Homer: I'm gonna come back with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife. An annulment from his secret wife!
- Marge: We don't need TV to have family fun. Why don't we play Monopoly?
- Lisa: Which version? [pulls board games from the closet] We've got "Star Wars Monopoly", "Rasta-mon opoly", "Galipolopoly", "Edna Krabappoly."
- Marge: Let's stick to regular Monopoly. The game is crazy enough as it is; how can an iron be a landlord?
- [While the family is playing Monopoly.]
- Bart: [holding some money Homer has given him] You're a little light here, Dad.
- Homer: I'm good for the rest... you know I am!
- Bart: Well, I'd like to trust you, Homer, but you've been in jail 3 times.
- Homer: They told me it would be like this on the outside.
- Lisa: [picks up one of Bart's "hotels"] These hotels are made of Legos. Bart, you're cheating!
- Marge: Lisa, it was probably an accident.
- Lisa: Oh, sure, you take his side, just because he bought you that house on St. James Place.
- Bart: Who else is going to take care of her? Dad?
- Homer: Why, you little... [throttles Bart]
- Marge: Stop fighting! [throttles Homer]
- Lisa: Mom, that's not how you pry them apart! [grabs Bart's arm and tries to pull him away from Homer]
- Marge: I've been prying them apart since before you were born!
- Brenda: I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner. [yells] DESTROY! DESTROY!
- Lou: Another case of Monopoly-related violence, Chief.
- Chief Wiggum: How do those Parker Brothers sleep at night?
- Chief Wiggum: Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here.
- Brenda: No way! This is my collar! [Chief Wiggum switches off Brenda's power switch and she shuts down]
- Chief Wiggum: Too bad real women don't come with these, huh? [laughs]
- Homer: [laughs] You got that right.
- Chief Wiggum: Quiet, you. That counts as your phone call.
- [When the Simpsons are in jail.]
- Lisa: Thanks a lot, everybody. Now, I'll never get into an Ivy League school.
- Bart: [taunting] You're going to Stanford, you're going to Stanford ...
- Homer and Bart: [taunting] You're going to Stanford!
- Lisa: Take it back! Take it back!
- Homer: Stanford.
- Gabriel: Hello, I'm Gabriel.
- Homer: [gasps] A heavenly choir! You must be an angel.
- Gabriel: [laughs] No, that's my pager. [turns his pager off] I'm a social worker. I'm here to help you stop fighting and become a family again.
- Homer: No, you are an angel, like Denzel Washington in "The Preacher's Wife", or Will Smith in "Bagger Vance", or Slimer in "Ghostbusters".
- Marge: Sir, we know you're not an angel. My husband sees too many movies.
- Homer: Don't blame me, blame Tinseltown and its second golden age. May it never end.
- [Bart brings Gabriel to school.]
- Bart: [to the kids at school] Attention, everyone! This is Gabriel, my personal social worker. He has to be here. I'm just that nuts. [the kids are impressed]
- Milhouse: How come you get a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata. [holds up his bloody hands]
- Marge: Food keeps my family happy, so I make a few practice dinners before showtime, 'cause at 6 o'clock, we go live!
- [When Homer brings Gabriel to Moe's.]
- Homer: Okay, Gabriel, this is a bar. It's where I go to drink alcohol, which is the mortal equivalent of your ambrosia.
- Gabriel: Homer, I am not an angel.
- Homer: Pfft. Well, not with that temper.
- [Gabriel takes the Simpsons' to the rules.]
- Homer: Okay, why are we in the woods? Is this Heaven?
- Gabriel: No, Homer. I brought you out here to shake off your negative behavior patterns. Marge, you medicate your family with food. Bart, you'll do anything for attention ...cut that out!
- Bart: [with a beard of bees] They chose me.
- Homer: Okay, family huddle. [everyone huddles together and Homer lowers his voice to a whisper] Now, here's how it's going down. As a family, we drive away. We cover for each other, as a family. It's what Gabriel would have wanted.
- Lisa: Look, we can't fall into old patterns. We've got to think of a plan.
- Homer: [in a whisper] Okay, but talk like this.
- Lisa: [in a whisper] Fine, I'll talk like this.
- Homer: [in his normal voice] What?
- Marge: You know, we've been through some 280 adventures together, but our bond has never been stronger.
- Homer: Yep, our family is as functional as all get-out.
- Lisa: Could this be the end of our series... of events?
- Homer: But Marge, it wasn't my fault... liquors drunkened me!
- Amber: [to Lisa] I could show you how to put on makeup.
- Lisa: I'm 8 years old.
- Amber: You could look 7. [to Bart] And I can teach you how to count cards.
- Bart: I already have a system.
- Homer: [wakes up] Aah, the sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn.
- Judge Harm: Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or "Mormon hold-'em," is perfectly legal. [bangs gavel] Both marriages stand.
- Homer: But I only love Marge!
- Judge Harm: I hereby order you to take care of both of your wives. Bailiff, ring him. [a bailiff puts a second wedding ring onto Homer's finger]
- Marge: Homer?
- Homer: Marge? You're speaking to me!?
- Marge: Why don't you come inside and we'll talk?
- Homer: About what? Sports? Bigamy?
- Marge: Bigamy.
- Homer: Not a sports fan, huh?
- Grampa: Oh, I lost another wife.
- Lisa: I'm sorry, Grampa.
- Grampa: Well, it hurts now, but the senility will take care of that. There she goes. [to Homer] You know, I have a son about your age.
