Difference between revisions of "Natural Born Kissers/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 19:14, March 7, 2020

[Bart and Lisa are in the backyard using Grampa's metal detector.]

Lisa: What are we looking for, anyway?

Bart: Pirate booty! What else?

[Bart starts daydreaming about pirates burying treasure on a desert island.]

Captain: Arrrr! Now we bury the treasure!

Sissy Pirate: Uh, Captain? Captain, I know we usually bury the treasure, but what if this time, we use it to buy things? You know, uh, things we like.

[The captain shoots him, then looks at the other pirates, who start digging furiously in the sand.]

Captain: Arrrr! We'll dig up the treasure in seven yarrr! I've drawn a map on this cracker, which Polly will hold for safe keepin'!

[A parrot on the captain's shoulder takes the cracker in its beak, then looks around nervously.]

[Back to reality.]

Bart: So you see, there's treasure everywhere!

[Everyone at the stadium sees Homer and Marge nude.]

Homer: [mockingly] Take a picture. It'll last longer.

[Everyone starts taking pictures.]

Homer: Aww, why did it have to be World Camera Day?

Marge: This is so naughty, coming back to our old love nest!

Homer: It hasn't changed since that magical evening when I knocked you up.

Marge: We sure drank a lot that night.

Homer: Yeah, I was afraid Bart would be born a dimwit! Hahaha!

Marge: Heh, heh, mmm... yeah.

[People are wondering what's in the windmill.]

Moe: Who cares what it is? Let's monoxide it.

[He sticks a hose connected to a car gas tank into the windmill.]

Homer: Oh, why are people always trying to kill me?

Lisa: Wow! An alternate ending to "Casablanca." Bart, this could be priceless!

Bart: Priceless like a mother's love, or the good kind of priceless?

Homer: Hello, everybody.

Bart: Hey, you're back. Did you 'Rock the Casbah?'

Homer: Bart!... Yes.

Bart: Whoa! Excellent haul!

Lisa: But it's all trash.

Bart: Exactly. Now there's nothing left out there but treasure.

Homer: Now they did say bed and breakfast, right?

Carl: Hey Homer, see you at Moe's?

Lenny: He put new electrical tape on the cushions!

Homer: Sorry, guys. Marge and I are spending the weekend at a bed 'n' breakfast.

Carl: Oh, trying to jump-start the old marriage, huh?

Lenny: Can I come?

Homer: Nah, it'd just be awkward. What with the sex and all.

Bart: Okay, here's the deal. Crowns and doubloons are mine, snuff boxes and cameos are yours. Now, as for wands and scepters...

Lisa: It's a bottle cap.

Bart: Jewel-encrusted?

Farmer: If somebody's in here, you're in for some serious ass forkin'!

Abe: That's my brass knee! Steel hip! That one's news to me!

Marge: Aww, look, Homie, our wedding cake!

Homer: You mean there's been cake in our freezer for eleven years? Why was I not informed?

Homer: Hey, look what was in here! A program from that guy's funeral.

Marge: You mean Frank Grimes?

Homer: Yeah! Yeah! Whatever happened to that guy?

Homer: Right now I'm drunk on love... and beer.

Marge: When we got married, is this how you thought we'd be spending our Saturdays? Driving out to the boondocks to buy a refrigerator motor?

Homer: Naw, I never thought I'd live this long.

Sideshow Mel: Dear Lord, look at that blimp! He's hanging from a balloon!

Gil: They stole the balloon! I've been living in there!

[Homer and Marge are trapped inside a mini-golf obstacle.]

Maude: Rod, you've got small girlish hands, reach in and fish it out!

Marge: A hand!

Homer: Eeee!

[Homer whacks Rod.]

Rod: Ooow, daddy, something attacked me!

Carl: How d'you do ma'am.

Lenny: Hope this evening finds you well.

Marge: Oh knock it off you perverts.

Bart: What's with the love thang?

Marge: Let's just say the country air did us good.

[An audience cheers and wolf whistles.]

Homer: Bart, I told you not to leave that TV on.

[Audience says "Wuh ooh!"]

[Santa's Little Helper walks into the bedroom.]

Homer: Look who's here!

Marge: Oooh! Who's a good boy?

Homer: He's the best boy!

Marge: Oh yes, he is, yes, he is!

[The dog exits.]

Homer: Hey Marge, wasn't that great when the dog came in here?

Marge: Oh yeah, he's really special!

Homer: I love that dog!

Marge: I love him too. Good night.

Homer: Good night.

[Bart, Lisa and Grampa watch the countdown at the start of the alternate ending to Casablanca.]

Grampa: Here comes two!

Homer: [flying hot air balloon] Okay, I think I've figured this thing out. You can go up and down, but not side-to-side, or... back in time.

Chief Wiggum: Boy, I'll tell you, they only come out at night... or, in this case, the day.

Marge: Whatever happened to Grampa? He was supposed to baby-sit.

[Cut to Grampa in the Flanders' house watching Rod and Todd play checkers.]

Grampa: [to Rod] Now you got her, Bart. Jump Lisa's king.

Rod: I'm not Bart, I'm Rod Flanders.

Grampa: There you go with that smart mouth! [to Todd] Lisa, run outside and cut me a switch.

Todd: Yes, sir!

Maude: And they are running around like the day God made them.

Helen: Oh, no--

Moe: [imitating Helen] Oh, please think of the children.