User:Randomno/Transcript/Bart the Genius

[The Simpson family are playing Scrabble, while Maggie is using building blocks. She knocks the tower over just as Lisa's letter "A" falls on the floor.]

Bart: Come on, Mom.

Lisa: Yeah, Mom, hurry up!

Marge: Alright. Hmm... How about, "he"? [makes the word "he" on the board, connecting an "h" to an "e"] 2 points. Your turn, dear.

Homer: Hmmm... How could anyone make a word out of these lousy letters? [the screen reveals Homer's letter as "Oxidize"] Oh, wait! Here's a good one: "do". [places down a letter "d" to join on to an "o"]

Lisa: [places the letter "i" above Homer's "d"] "Id". Triple word score!

Homer: Hey, no abbreviations.

Lisa: Not "ID", Dad, "id". It's a word!

Bart: As in, "this game is stupid".

Homer: Hey, shut up boy.

Lisa: Yeah, Bart. You're supposed to be developing verbal abilities for your big aptitude test tomorrow.

Marge: We could look up this "id" thing in the dictionary.

Homer: We got one?

Marge: I think it's under the short leg of the couch.

[Homer reaches down to under the couch and pulls the dictionary out.]

Lisa: [reading from dictionary] "id: along with the ego and the superego one of three compontents of the psyche"!

Homer: Get outta here! [stars eating a banana]

Bart: My turn. "Kwyjibo". [puts down letters as he says them out loud] K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. 22 points, plus triple word score, plus 50 points for using all my letters. [Lisa starts looking through the dictionary] Games over, I'm out of here.

Homer: [grabs Bart by the arm] Wait a minute, you little cheater! You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a "kwyjibo" is.

Bart: Kwyjibo: Err... [looks at Homer who is glaring at him, still eating his banana.] A big, dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin.

Marge: And a short temper.

Homer: [angrily] I'll show you a big dumb balding ape! [chases Bart our of the room]

Bart: Uh oh, kwyjibo on the loose!

[Shot changes to Springfield Elementary School where children are getting off the bus. In the playground, most children are playing but Bart is graffitiing an image of Principal Skinner on the wall. Shot changes to the acutal Skinner.]

Skinner: You there. [pointing to a pupil] No chewing gum on school grounds. In the trash can with it.

[Bart finishes writing "I am a weiner" next to his image of Skinner. Shot changes to Skinner again. Martin walks towards him.]

Martin: Principal Skinner? One of my fellow children is vandalizing school property.

Skinner: Oh? Where?

[Shot changes to Bart and his friends next to the vandalism.]

Martin: Over there, sir. See?

Milhouse: Look out, Bart! Here comes Skinner!

Bart: Yikes! [chucks spray can in trash can. Skinner looks at the can.]

Skinner: Hmm... Whoever did this is in very deep trouble.

Martin: And a sloppy speller, too. The preferred spelling of "wiener" is W-I-E-N-E-R. Although E-I is an acceptable ethinic variant.

Skinner: Good point [coughs] Boys, let's see your hands. [checks the hands of Bart's friends. Turns to Bart] Simpson? [Bart shows him his hands which are covered in red paint (the color in the spray can)]

Martin: You might say you caught him red-handed.

Skinner: Simpson, you and I are going to have a little talk.

Bart: [looking slightly scared] Same times, Same place?

Skinner: Yes. In my office after school.

Bart's friends and Martin: Ooh...

Bart: [gulps]

[Later, the school bell rings. Students walk into Mrs. Krabappel's classroom, ready for the aptitude test which is about to start.]

Martin: Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort of simple-minded grudge against me. I was merely trying to fend off the desecration of the school building.

Bart: Eat my shorts.

Martin: Pardon?

Mrs. Krabapell: Now I don't want you to worry, class. These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success... [turns to Bart] if any.

Martin: [puts his hand up] Mrs. Krabappel? Isn't Bart supposed to face the window so he won't be tempted to look at his neighbor's paper?

Mrs. Krabappel: You're right, Martin. Bart!

Bart: [moving his desk] [groans]

Mrs. Krabappel: Remember to visualize the complex problems. And relax... The test will start... [pauses for a few seconds] now!

Bart: [looks boredly at his paper. Looks around the room. Mutter the first question to himself.] "At 7:30am, an express train travelling 60 miles per hour, leaves Santa Fe down to Phoenix [chew on pencil] 520 miles aw—

Mrs. Krabappel: Ssh! Visualize, Bart.

Bart: [starts to daydream the problem in black and white] At the same time a local train travelling 30 miles an hour and carrying 40 passengers leaves Phoenix bound for Santa Fe. It's 8 cars long and always carries the same number of passengers in each cart. [does the sum "40 ÷ 8" in his head, which equals 5] An hour later, the number of passengers equal to half the number of minutes past the hour get off, but 3 times as many plus 6 get on. [is knocked over by a passenger] At the second stop, half the passengers plus two get off, but twice as many get on as got on at the first stop. [is knocked over again, spits a number out his mouth, stand up. A train conductor taps his head from behind.]

Conductor: Ticket, please.

Bart: I don't have a ticket!

Conductor: Come with me, boy. [drags Bart off] We've got a stowaway, sir.

Bart: I'll pay! How much?

[There is a train engineer who resembles Martin, shovelling numbers into the engine.]

Engineer: Twice the fare from Tuscon to Flagstaff minus two thirds of the fare Albuquerque to El Paso!