  
The Ol' Nip and Tuck
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
| The Ol' Nip and Tuck
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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The Ol' Nip and Tuck is a questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the New Year New You content update. It requires Unlicensed Surgeon Moe to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark
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This wellness crap going around is really cutting into my poison-pushing business.
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It's all these millennial elites forcing this healthy hogwash on the rest of us!
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Millennials. All they do is spend Mommy and Daddy's money on bushels of kale, $8 green teas, and then when the weekend comes around — Schedule Four Drugs!
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Yeah, no wonder they can never pay off their impossibly large college loans.
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I know it's a little harsh, but I have to say it: millennials suck.
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Look, I don't care about all your fresh takes on modern-day topics!
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What I care about is that nobody's coming into my dank, dimly-lit tavern for their steady intake of brewskies and bar nuts.
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What are you talking about? All of your customers are here: Me, Carl, Barney, Homer.
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*looks around the bar* Carl...
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You're forgetting one third of my clientele: Trucker Hat Guy and Stringy Hair Guy.
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Oh yeah! Wait, are those guys wellness freaks now?
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Trucker Hat traded in his Truck for a Prius...
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And Stringy Hair is so chock-full of Omega-3s from the salmon he's eatin', that his hair is all thick and luscious now.
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But you got those side gigs in the backroom to prop up business, right?
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Yeah, I'm sure you can make up for it with the exotic animal trade.
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Had to shut it down. Turned out my last batch of cheetahs were just cats spray-painted to look like cheetahs.
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What about the backroom unlicensed surgeries?
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Some guy got an X-ray and saw that I accidentally left a cue ball in his insides. No one's come back since.
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Sounds like you need some new customers, Moe. *belches*
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Yeah, but who? No millennial elite will want to set foot in here.
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We don't need those avocado toasters! I'm sure we can think of something!
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| Task: "Make Barflies Have Drunk Brainstorming Session" (x3). The jobs take place at Moe's Tavern or a Visitable Home and take 3 hours.
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And put another circle there. Great! That completes our Glen diagram.
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It's Venn diagram.
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Venn? I always thought it was called a Glen diagram because nobody actually knows anyone named Glen.
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And if they DO know someone named Glen, they put him in the middle, because they don't really have a strong opinion of someone named Glen.
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Well, the point is: we need to find the right customers. People with enough money to pay for our unsanctioned surgeries, but also not too much, because then they'd just go to a real doctor.
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So who does that leave us with?
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Looks like the only people left in the center of the diagram are prisoners.
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But Moe, how would you get alone in a room with a prisoner to operate on them?
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Two words: conjugal visits.
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Like the romantic kind?!
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark
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Alright Moe, you've got five minutes with the prisoner. Use the telephone there on the side of the booth.
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And no kissing the plexiglass! I'm tired of cleaning lipstick off of it!
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Can I help you?
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Fernando Vidal. So they finally got you for murder, eh? Hitman like you, I can't believe it took 'em this long.
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Oh, they didn't get me for murder...tax evasion, actually.
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Well, I think we can help each other. I'm here to offer my services to you and your fellow prisoners. Surgical operations on the cheap.
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Really? Hmm, that is interesting. There is one particular operation that would come in handy. However, I can only pay you in cigarettes and ramen. That stuff is gold on the inside.
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Hey, that stuff is gold on the outside too. A six-pack of ramen and a carton of cigs, and I'll do whatever operation you need.
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| Task: "Make Moe Haggle Prices". The job takes place at Springfield Penitentiary, Moe's Tavern, or a Visitable Home and takes 2 hours.
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So we've agreed on a price. Two cigarette cartons, four ramen packs, plus you gotta shiv the guy in cell block 149B.
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Agreed.
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So then what sort of operation were you wanting?
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Are you familiar with the film "Face Switch"?
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Oh, boy. Always wanted to do one of those. But look, we just need a private place to meet up, so we, uh...we're gonna have to arrange a visit of a, uh...conjugal nature.
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That...I can arrange. There's the Starry Nights Room, Bridal Falls, Daffodil Daydream, and the Execution Room.
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Daffodil Daydream sounds nice.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark
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Alright, Mr. Vidal. I'm all done. Here's a mirror. What do you think?
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I must say, Moe. I can't even recognize myself.
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That's the whole point, ain't it? New face and all.
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Your handiwork is a thing of beauty. If you don't mind me asking, where did you procure the other face for the swap?
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Oh. You really want to know the dirty details?
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Well, it is my face now.
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I got a guy who works on that life-like robot show "Westworld". His cousin got hit by a truck crossing the street and now you're wearing his face. So that's that.
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Well, here are your cigarettes and ramen for payment.
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Pleasure doin' business.
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| Task: "Make Unlicensed Surgeon Moe Hand Out Flyers at the Prison". The job takes 4 hours.
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Chief, looks like we got an escaped prisoner on the loose again. Here's a picture of him.
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Let's hunt this guy down and give him the business.
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I mean...apprehend him, gently. *winks*
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You there, handsome fella...have you seen this man?
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Oh, yes officers. I saw him come out of the prison there, and then he ran that way.
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We're on the scent, boys. But I've got two scents at the moment, so first we stop for donuts and then we're headed that way.
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He never stood a chance.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark
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Moe Szyslak, checking in for a... *whispers* a, uh... *mumbles* conjugal visit.
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It's your fourth time this week, Moe.
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Oh, well...we just really love each other.
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And it's a different prisoner every time.
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We all really love each other.
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Yeah, but Big Pookie? I mean no judgment, but what do you see in that guy? I once watched him eat a live swan that flew over the fence.
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Yep, uh...that's my thing. That's what really does it for me.
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| Task: "Make Unlicensed Surgeon Moe Perform Secret Surgery on Big Pookie". The job takes place at Springfield Penitentiary, Moe's Tavern, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark
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Alright, boys. We've tracked the black market surgeon known only as Moesenberg to this conjugal visitation trailer.
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Word on the street is he should be here any second.
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I'll take your WORD for it. See what I did there?
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Not really...wait, I hear something, Chief.
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Alright, Pookie. Put your brass knuckles down and put on a hospital gown.
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*bursting in* Hands where I can see 'em, Moesenberg!
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*puts hands up* Chief Wiggum! What an interesting place to meet. Wrapping up a conjugal visit of your own?
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You can't fool me, Moesenberg. We know you're doing illegal surgeries for prisoners in this unmonitored daffodil-filled sex den!
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Chief, perhaps you'd be interested in a bit of a nip and tuck to take care of those extra folds above the utility belt?
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And, uh, it'd be on the house of course. Blue Badge Special, I call it.
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Hmm, ya know I have been thinking about taking care of that extra pound or two I put on. Then I could get back to my college weight.
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Boys, wait outside. Pookie, you can stay if you want.
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| Task: "Make Unlicensed Surgeon Moe Give Wiggum the Ol' Nip and Tuck". The job takes place at Springfield Penitentiary, Moe's Tavern, or a Visitable Home and takes 5 hours.
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I have to say it, Moesenberg. I haven't looked this good since I got a donut hole stuck in my windpipe and I couldn't eat solids for a week.
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You know, if you could pass out my brochure to the boys at the precinct, it would be much appreciated.
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Oh, yeah. I'll definitely tell Eddie. He's been talking about getting surgical hair implants for years. *leaves*
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*looking around* Where did my cellphone go?
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*gasp* I think I might have sewn it up inside Wiggum.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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