Oh, Brother!/Quotes

Quotes

Mayor Quimby: And so I am... er... declaring tomorrow "Take Your Parent to Work Day!" This is a mandatory holiday. Failure to comply will result in a flogging!

Hans Moleman: It's not that I don't trust you, Doctor Nick, but I'd like a second opinion.

Dr. Nick: Then it's lucky for you my father is here with me today!

Dr. Nick's father: Take three leeches and sacrifice a maiden to the nearest volcano.

Dr. Nick: That's my dad! So old fashioned!

Dr. Nick's father: Now hold still while I take your temperature with this snake!

Krusty: Oooookay! Say, dad, those baseball players today sure have weird names! For example, Who's playing first base!

Rabbi Krustofsky: Son, for shame, making fun of a person's name? This is what passes for comedy nowadays?

Krusty: Okay, forget about that. Knock knock!

Rabbi Krustofsky: Come in!

Krusty: No! Say "Who's there?"

Rabbi Krustofsky: Why, don't I know it's you? You're my own son. Maybe it's because you never visit, never call. This is what it is to be a parent. We suffer, we suffer in silence.

Lenny Leonard: You know, I used to find meltdowns stressful, but now I think they're a nice break in the day.

Carl Carlson: Yeah, it gives me an excuse to... whatayacallit?... practice my death bed repentance!

Principal Skinner: Well, I hope you're happy. That was the last substitute teacher available. Thanks to whoever did that prank, you all aren't going to learn anything for the rest of the day!

Kids: Yay! Yahooo! Wooo!

Principal Skinner: That wasn't the reaction I was hoping for.

Waylon Smithers: Mr. Burns, your mother has left the building.

Mr. Burns: Good! I can finally stop holding in my stomach! That's better!

Smithers: She left with Abraham Simpson, sir.

Mr. Burns: Send him a condolence bouquet!

Marge: Bart, can you take your revenge plans off the table for breakfast?

Homer: We really need to get a table just for revenge schemes.

Homer: Did you hear?

Mr. Burns: Yes, did you?

Homer: Yeah. I suppose we're kind of brothers now.

Mr. Burns: I never had a brother growing up.

Homer: Me, neither.

Mr. Burns: And I don't want one now.

Homer: Me, neither.

Mr. Burns: Well then, go on, get lost!

Homer: You get lost!

Mr. Burns: No, you get lost!

Homer: Why don't you make me?

Mr. Burns: And now, a classic brotherly jape! Knocking on doors and running away! Now, run as fast as your legs will carry you!

Homer: [TEE HEE!]

Mr. Burns: Oh, my knees! I should have refilled them with fluid!

Homer: [GASP!] [WHEEZE!]

Dr. Hibbert: Are you two all right? Would you like to come in for a lemonade?

Homer: [GASP!] Yes!

Homer: Say, this is kind of awkward, but during one of his threatening phone calls, I was talking to my banker about us being brothers, and he wanted to know if...

Mr. Burns: ...by being my youngest heir, you'd inherit my vast fortune when I pass on? Of course.

Homer: That's what I told him.

Mr. Burns: Homer, are you thinking of ways to do away with me and make it look like an accident?

Homer: Yes, sir.

Mr. Burns: Ha! I'd be thinking exactly the same thing. You truly are my brother!

Smithers: I tried to bring your real mother to the power plant for "Bring Your Parents to Work Day." But she's either not speaking to you or dead. The doctor isn't allowed to check because of a clause in her living will. So I hired an actress, Dame Tallulah Winkelman, to insult and berate you just like your real mother always did!

Tallulah Winkelman: Charmed!

Grampa: I should have expected something was wrong when I had to give ten percent of our wedding presents to her agent. And our pre-nup arrangement only gave our marriage a one-week run.

Homer: So, we're not brothers after all.

Mr. Burns: I suppose not.

Homer: Can we still be friends?

Mr. Burns: No, I can't be seen fraternizing with a lowly employee.

Homer: Oh.

Mr. Burns: I could still hit you from time to time?

Homer: Can I hit you back?

Mr. Burns: No.