Marge vs. the Monorail/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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071
"Marge vs. the Monorail"
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- Lenny Leonard: What do they do with these things after we seal 'em?
- Carl Carlson: I hear they dump them in an abandoned chalk mine and cover 'em with cement.
- Lenny: I hear they're sending 'em to one of those southern states where the governor's a crook.
- Carl: Either way I'm sleepin' good tonight!
- Waylon Smithers: Well, sir, where shall we dump this batch -- the playground?
- Mr. Burns: No, all those bald children are arousing suspicion -- to the park!
- Marge: Well, I think we should spend the money on something the whole town can be proud of.
- Homer: Like a giant billboard that says, "No fat chicks"?
- Marge: No.
- Mayor Quimby: Very well. We will now hear suggestions for the-a disbursement of the-a two million dollars.
- Lisa: Don't you mean three million dollars?
- Mayor Quimby: Of course. How silly of me.
- Maude Flanders: Excuse me, we could use the money to hire firemen to finally put out that blaze on the east side of town.
- Homer: Bo-ring!
- Mr. Burns: Hello. My name is Mr. Snrub, and I come from... eh, someplace far away. Yes, that will do. Anyway, I-I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
- Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks.
- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: Pardon me, but I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year, and as a result I almost missed work.
- Chief Wiggum: Crybaby.
- Lyle Lanley: You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!
- [the townspeople laugh]
- Homer: Heh-heh... mule.
- Lyle Lanley: The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Ah, it's not for you. It's more of a "Shelbyville" idea.
- Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
- Marge: I still think we should have spent the money to fix Main Street.
- Homer: Well, you should have written a song like that guy.
- Lyle Lanley: Now, I'm here to answer any questions you children may have about the monorail.
- Ralph Wiggum: Can it outrun The Flash?
- Lyle Lanley: You bet.
- Chuck Berger: Can Superman outrun The Flash?
- Lyle Lanley: [taken aback] Eh, sure, why not?
- Announcer: Coming soon, it's Truckasaurus: The Movie starring Marlon Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus.
- Truckasaurus: [Marlon Brando voice] You crazy car. I don't know whether to eat you or kiss you.
- Homer: Marge, I want to be a monorail conductor.
- Marge: Homer, no...
- Homer: It's my life-long dream.
- Marge: Your life-long dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game, and you did it last year, remember?
- Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Hoju!
- Bart: I'll get back to you.
- Lyle Lanley: ...so then, "mono" means "one" and "rail" means "rail." And that concludes our intensive three-week course.
- Marge: [startled noise] Homer, there's a family of opossums in here!
- Homer: I call the big one Bitey.
- Sebastian Cobb: My name is Sebastian Cobb. Lanley hired me to build his monorail. He cut corners everywhere... bad wiring... faulty brakes... and the celebrity on the maiden voyage was Gallagher.
- Kent Brockman: And here's country singing sensation, Lurleen Lumpkin, fresh from her latest stay at the Betty Ford clinic! What ya been up to Lurleen?
- Lurleen Lumpkin: I spent last night in a ditch.
- Kent Brockman: [nervous laugh] How about that, folks?
- Mayor Quimby: Now, I'd like to turn things over to our Grand Marshal, Mr. Leonard Nimoy.
- Leonard Nimoy: [chuckling] I'd say this vessel could do at least warp five.
- Mayor Quimby: And let me say, "May the force be with you."
- Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
- Lisa: Mr. Lanley! Aren't you gonna ride the monorail?
- Lyle Lanley: Little lady, I'd love to. But I have to catch a plane.
- Lisa: But the ride only takes a minute.
- Lyle Lanley: Yeah, well my plane leaves in less than one minute.
- Marge: We're too late!
- Sebastian Cobb: I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut. Sorry.
- Leonard Nimoy: Actually, you see the doors on Star Trek were not mechanical. We had a stagehand on either side who would pull the door open when he saw you approach.
- Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on.
- Passenger: Does anyone wanna switch seats?
- Homer: Are we gonna die, son?
- Bart: Yeah, but at least we'll take a lot of innocent people with us.
- Leonard Nimoy: Well, my work is done here.
- Barney Gumble: Whadaya mean, your work is done? You didn't do anything.
- Leonard Nimoy: [chuckling] Didn't I? [teleports away]
- Marge: And that was the only folly the people of Springfield ever embarked upon -- except for the Popsicle Stick Skyscraper...and the 50ft Magnifying Glass...and that Escalator to Nowhere.
