El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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"El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer"
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- [In the Simpson house, Marge has been acting strangely all morning: Cutting things out of the newspaper, running the vacuum cleaner during Homer's phone conversation with Lenny (which keeps him from hearing about something big and annual), and now smoking a cigarette. Homer is suspicious when she doesn't want him to open the front door to let fresh air into the house.]
- Homer: What's wrong with you? What are you trying to hide from me? [opens the front door and sniffs] What's that smell? Onions... chili powder... cumin... juicy ground chuck? Oh, my God, I'm missing the Chili Cook-Off! [whining and fidgeting] I'm missing the Cook-Off, it's going on right now, and I'm missing it!
- Marge: All right! I was trying to keep it from you! But I had a good reason. Every time you go to that Cook-Off you get as drunk as a poet on payday!
- [Flashback to last year's Chili Cook-Off. People are shocked as a naked Homer is cavorting in the cotton candy machine.]
- Homer: [drunk, slurred speech] Look at me! I'm a puffy pink cloud!
- [Return to present.]
- Homer: Well, of course everything looks bad when you remember it!
- [Homer interrupts Marge while she's looking at Lenny's crafts booth.]
- Homer: Maaaaaarrge! We're missing the chili! Less artsy, more fartsy!
- Marge: Homer, I happen to like handicrafts much more than stuffing my face.
- Homer: Fine, I'll come find you when I'm ready to stop having fun.
- [While Homer goes to the chili, Marge takes in the square dancing. Smithers approaches her.]
- Smithers: Evenin', little lady. Ya reckon a square could get a dance?
- Marge: It looks so complicated. Do you know how?
- Smithers: Ma'am, I wouldn't honk the honk if I couldn't tonk the tonk.
- Chief Wiggum: That Homer Simpson! He thinks he is the Pope of Chilitown!
- [Homer's first taste of Chief Wiggum's chili burns his mouth due to Wiggum's including a bunch of Guatemalan Insanity Peppers in his recipe. Homer returns with his mouth protected by candle wax, then casually gulps down several of the peppers while a shocked crowd watches.]
- Mayor Quimby: Good Lord, this can't be happening!
- Dr. Hibbert: By all medical logic, steam should be shooting out of his ears.
- Krusty: His ears if we're lucky!
- Homer: [hallucinating due to the peppers] I hope I didn't brain my damage.
- Space Coyote: There is a lesson you must learn.
- Homer: If it's about laying off the insanity peppers, I'm way ahead of you.
- [The next morning, Homer wakes up on a golf course and attempts to rationalize his chili hallucination.]
- Homer: Huh? Golf course? Did I dream that whole thing? Maybe the desert was just this sand trap. Oh, and I bet that crazy pyramid was just the pro shop. [the pro shop is shaped like a giant pyramid] And that talking coyote was really just a talking dog.
- Dog: Hi, Homer. Find your soulmate!
- Homer: Hey, wait a minute! There's no such thing as a talking dog.
- Dog: [barks]
- Homer: Damn straight!
- [In search for his soul mate, Homer calls a Personals ad.]
- Homer: Hello? Is this ..uh... G B M? Uh, yeah. I read in the personals you were seeking a soulmate. Well, I also like rainy days and movies. Uh-huh... [apprehensively] uh, no, I don't like that... or that... No, it's not that I'm afraid. [now speaking very quickly] I'm gonna hang up now, bye-bye!
- [In the lighthouse, Marge catches up to Homer and they patch up their differences.]
- Homer: Wow, Marge, you really do understand me. See, I thought we weren't soulmates because...
- Marge: [completing Homer's sentence] We had a fight?
- Homer: Right, and we don't like the same things. It's like you're from Venus...
- Marge: And you're from Mars.
- Homer: Oh, sure, give me the one with all the monsters.
- Homer: Hey Barney, soulmate! Let me buy you a beer.
- Barney: Okay, but I'm not your soulmate. I'm really more of a chum.
- Homer: What about you, Lenny?
- Lenny: I'm a crony.
- Homer: Carl?
- Carl: I'd say acquaintance.
- Larry: Colleague.
- Sam: Sympathizer.
- Bumblebee Man: Compadre.
- Kearney: Associate.
- Dr. Hibbert: Contemporary.
- Moe: I'm a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm.
- [Homer is in the lighthouse, and his silhouette is being projected into the sky by the lighthouse's lamp.]
- Bart: [looking out a window and seeing the silhouette] Hey, look! Is that Dad?
- Lisa: Either that, or Batman's really let himself go!
