Eat the Pie Slowly/Quotes
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- Lisa: Mom, this is all so irresponsible! Giving "A", as a reward for ding nothing? And how could it be healthy for young bodies to overate like that? Also--
- Marge: Look It's Bart! My special little winner! Where should we celebrate? Krustyburger och Krustyburger Express?
- Lisa: [SIGH] I'll be in the car.
- Homer: [SIIIIIGH] Me, too.
- Principal Skinner: It is my sad duty to announce that Springfield Elementary's star eater, Uter Xorker, will miss the state finals. Why don't you tell the whole city. You're letting the down, Uter?
- Üter Zörker: Uhh can nah taw.
- Principal Skinner: Oh, that's right. You can't talk. Your jaw's been wired shut. Did it cross your mind that your might be hurting your team when you were pigging out on hazardous jawbreakers?
- Üter: Oo gafe emm to mee!
- Principal Skinner: It's a little late for apologies, son. Now let's forget about Uter forever and meet his replacement! He's half eater and two-thirds defeater! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.... ...Wendell Borton!
- Bart: Aye, carumba!
- Dolph Shapiro: Bart! We heard about Uter!
- Jimbo Jones: You'd better carry the team now!
- Kearney Zzyzwicz: Yeah! Mayor Quimby's promise gave us dreams for the future! When I grow up... ...I'm going to be an actuary!
- Jimbo: I'm going to be a comptroller!
- Dolph: I'm going to be an ombudsman!
- Kearney: So get us those straight "A"s...
- Jimbo: ...or else!
- Dolph: Yeah! Or else!
- Bart: No! I'm never eating food again!
- Homer: There is much anger in you.
- Bart: What the--?
- Homer: You must unlearn all you have learned. The hour has come for the master to teach the apprentice the way of the food.
- Bart: Really, dad?
- Dolph: Straight "A"s! Ombudsman school here I come!
- Lisa: I got... straight asterisks?
- Principal Skinner: Don't tell anyone, Lisa! It's our new grading system. Asterisks replace "A"s and "A" is the new "D."
- Homer: All "A"s? Let's celebrate, boy!
