Day of the Nerd/Quotes

Quotes

Principal Skinner: Remember, children, never, ever talk to strangers! ...Unless you're selling them Springfield Elementary School chocolate! Remember, children, you're required to sell as much candy as you can to help raise funds for the school.

Üter Zörker: Let me at der chocolate! I beg you!

Principal Skinner: Except, for obvious reasons, Uter!

Principal Skinner: Willie! Uter's free! Code red! Code red!

Groundskeeper Willie: I'll get the taser gun!

Lisa: Do you think I could ever go into space, Dad?

Homer: Why not? I did. You should have said something. I would have smuggled you on board.

Bart: Madre Dios! The mother load!

Cornelius Morgan: I'm pleased that my meager collection of television, movie and comic memorabilia impresses you. And by meager I mean the largest in the world. But where are my manners? It is time I revealed myself!

Bart: Wow! It's you! I don't believe it!

Cornelius Morgan: You have no idea who I am, do you?

Bart: No, sorry.

Cornelius Morgan: [SIGH.]

Lisa: Thanks for driving me to Shelbyville, Dad. All our neighbors bought candy already from the other kids.

Homer: Hey, it's either this or go back to work and clean up that toxic spill I caused.

Bart: With all this stuff you must be the happiest guy alive.

Cornelius Morgan: So you would think, but alas, soon my life, like all great adventures, must fade to black.

Bart: You're dying?

Cornelius Morgan: I wish. In one week I'm being cryogenically frozen and put on display in a comic shop in Seattle. It was part of my contract when I directed an episode of "Sliders." I had a very bad agent.

Dr. Babcock: Why didn't you just let me use the poison blow darts on them?

NASA woman: It's always the blow darts with you.

Dr. Babcock: We can't write them off if we don't use them!

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: You must take this to the Flaming Mountain of Tires! For only there can it be destroyed!

Database: Why don't you do it?

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: I can't leave the deep fat fryer.

Superfriend: But we're so small.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Size doesn't matter.

Edna Krabappel: Ha!

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Do you mind? I'm trying to start a quest here!

Superfriend: We'll do it! Superfriends away!

Barney Gumble: That cheeseburger really gave me gas.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: It shall not pass!

Kent Brockman: What have you done to yourself?

Comic Book Guy: I've decided to live my life as if it was a Japanese anime cartoon. And with the help of some extra large contact lenses I'm doing so.

Kent Brockman: Aren't they painful?

Comic Book Guy: Excruciating.

Lisa: Mom, how important is the truth?

Marge: The truth is very important, Lisa. You can't live a lie. But if you do, you've got to keep smiling and accept your choices. There's no turning back now!

Lisa: Um... Mom?

Marge: I love your father, and that's all there is to it! End of discussion! Now, go call Bart and Homer! I've got to waste my life.

Lisa: What?

Marge: I mean... I've got to wash my knife. Yes, that's it.

Cornelius Morgan: Greetings, fellow nerds! I have gathered you here at my mansion to announce the victor of the contest! And the winner is... ...me!

Comic Book Guy: What kind of "Unbreakable"-style twist ending is this?

Cornelius Morgan: For years I have longed to make another movie. To show Hollywood I still had what it takes. And now with the help of Kent Brockman... ...and your kind, unwitting assistance, I've done it!

Gary: So you weren't interviewing us for the news?

Kent Brockman: No, we just used that as an excuse to film your ridiculous antics. This just in, it was hilarious!

Cornelius Morgan: Noooooo! You blew it up! You maniacs! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

Comic Book Guy: I suppose the noble thing to do right now is to help you rebuild.

Cornelius Morgan: Really?

Comic Book Guy: No, that would be sarcasm. Let the looting begin!