Crime Family Practice/Quotes
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- Comedian: Thanks for filling in on such short notice. Wait a minute, aren't you the guy that was just in the bathroom stealing toilet paper?
- Dr. Nick: What do you say we take some calls? Line one, you're on with Dr. Nick and some strange comedian!
- Barney Gumble: Hello? I haven't burped in five hours. Am I dying?
- Dr. Nick: Yes, you are. Why not come to my clinic for a looksee? How's Tuesday at noon?
- Barney: [BRAAP!] I'll be there!
- Dr. Nick: My incredibly high fee will make him forget his certain death. Did I just say that on the air?
- Comedian: You ever burp and sneeze at the same time? Now, would that be a "snurp" or a "bneeze"? The funny thing about sneezing is—
- Dr. Nick: Line two, I am here to make you healthy!
- Fat Tony: I'll cut to the cannoli. You need new patients and my "family" needs a new doctor.
- Dr. Nick: You're in luck. I can maybe squeeze you in, say...February?
- Fat Tony: Or perhaps, say...right now?!
- Legs: Would you mind kindly removing these shoes for me? They're not my size, and frankly, I'm not so fond of the style.
- Dr. Nick: Nurse, my jackhammer! Next!
- Fat Tony: Dr. Nick. Perhaps you could be of assistance.
- Dr. Nick: Holy hemoglobin, what happened to you?
- Fat Tony: Oh this? You know how playful police dogs can get sometimes.
- Dr. Nick: All that red stuff...oh, I'm starting to feel a little woozy.
- Fat Tony: Dr. Nick, I suggest you quickly get over your squeamishness, or you will be performing emergency surgery to remove my Bruno Magli shoe from the crack of your--
- Dr. Nick: Hooray! Now I can sue the police and make them give back my doctor's license! Goodbye, everybody!
