Apu's Incredible 96 Hour Shift (Without Having a Break!)/Quotes

Quotes

Apu: Good morning Jamshed, and welcome once again to Uncle Apu's Kwik-E Management classroom. This week you will learn the lesson you have been dreaming about, like a baby cow dreams of being milked!

Jamshed: Praise be to Ganeesha! If that is a tape of what I am thinking, then my prayers have been answered!

Apu: Pray no further, my young nephew! What you are about to see are clips from one of the most awe-inspiring security camera tapes in the annals of convenience store history. It is a modest little film which I enjoy calling... Apu's Incredible 96 Hour Shift (Without Having a Break!)

Apu: [narrating] I don't know what came over me. Maybe I was possessed by the spirits of all the bullet-ridden, Kwik-E-Mart employees who went before me...

Apu: Look! A defenseless old woman with a broken arm, and a pocketbook bulging with hundred dollar bills!

Snake Jailbird: Huh? Where?

Apu: [narrating] ...Or maybe it was too much coffee.

Apu: Take that and tell me how you like it!

Snake: Yeeaargh! Oh, man! This fully bites!

Apu: Prepare to be severely pummeled about the head and shoulder area!!

Apu: [narrating] Next, I called 911 and waited for the police to arrive. By the way, when you have your first hold-up, you need not waste time dialing all three numbers. We have it on our speed-dial system.

Apu: [narrating] I suddenly realized that I was trapped in the store with a vicious killer, and no food!

Jamshed: But Uncle Apu, what about the heat lamp dogs and the nacho chips with synthetic cheese-covering?

Apu: Tsk, tsk. How soon you seem to be forgetting Lesson 12 -- "Food from Kwik-E can make you sicky."

Jamshed: Ah, yes. I am chagrined.

Apu: [on phone] Hello, Moe's Bar? I would like to know if you have Old Grandad in a bottle.

Moe Szyslak: [on phone] Yeah, sure we do.

Apu: [TEE HEE HEE] Old Grandad in a bottle... wee hee! What an audacious joke I have played! [HAW HAW]

Moe: [on phone] Hello?... Hello?... What the heck is so funny?... Hello?

Apu: For this, I have no explanation. Apparently, I thought I was some kind of hummingbird. Just learn from it what you may.

Apu: Bzz...bzz... The flowers are calling out to me...bzz... There is much work to be done...and I'm just the little hummingbird who can do it!

Sanjay: Quickly! Somebody get this man some nectar!

Apu: Thank you for rescuing me, but 96 hours is not exactly a speedy response time!

Chief Wiggum: Oh, don't thank me. It would have taken longer if the Bouvier sisters hadn't run out of cigarettes. It seems that your store is the only one in town that stocks their brand -- Lady Laramie, Filter-Free with 40% more tar. They tunneled through that snow in no time flat. Now, about those donuts...