The Fight Before Christmas/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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"The Fight Before Christmas"
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- Bart: I didn't get anybody pregnant. I didn't Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!
- Homer: Someday, TV will be invented. And it will be free! Then it will cost money.
- Marge: This tree reminds me of your father. Round in the middle, thinning up top and your hands get sticky when you touch him.
- Santa Claus: Kid, this company's bust. For years I've been giving away free toys and getting cookies in return. It's not a sustainable business model.
- Lisa: You mean your gingerbread McMansion.
- Homer: Show some respect, three gingerbread men died making that.
- [After Martha Stewart decorates the Simpsons' house:]
- Marge: Martha, the house looks beautiful. It's like Christmas with a childless gay couple.
- Mr. Burns: Release the hounds! [Barking is heard in the distance.] They'll be along any minute.
- [After a long pause, a lone harmless-looking dog arrives.]
- Dog: We, uhhhh ... blew the budget on Katy Perry.
- [Moe makes several attempts to kiss Katy Perry, but can't get high enough to reach her face.]
- Moe: "I'm just gonna kiss your belly button." [presses his face into her abdomen and starts kissing]
- Katy Perry: [surprised] "Uhh .. that's not my belly button."
- [Moe breaks off the kiss and looks up at Katy.]
- Katy: [quickly] "But I didn't say stop."
- Martha Stewart: You boys want to play soldier?
- Bart: I can't think of a better way to celebrate Jesus' birthday.
- [Martha puts poker stands on Bart's and Milhouse's heads, then wraps red tape around their bodies]
- Milhouse: I don't think I like where this is going.
- Martha Stewart: [Wraps tape over Milhouse's and Bart's mouths] I don't think anyone asked your opinion.
- Homer: Hey, I thought you didn't want a Christmas tree.
- Lisa: I didn't at first, but this tree is to remind us of mom. It serves as a reminder that someday this war will be over.
- Homer: And someday TV will be invented, and it will be free, at first.
- Lisa: Until then, this tree will stand for mom and everything she stands for: hope, family, and sweeping up dried needles.
- Grampa: Well, it looks like this'll finally kill it.
- Jasper Beardley: The Simpsons?
- Grampa: No, Christmas.
- Agnes Skinner: How come you're not off fighting like a real man?
- Homer: I'm too fat to fit in a foxhole.
- Bart: Isn't this the busy season? Where are the other elves?
- Milhouse Van Houten: Laid off.
- Nelson Muntz: Ever since NAFTA, all the jobs have been going to the South Pole.
