Cremains of the Day/Quotes
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- Homer: Oh, boy, I got 100 quid on the Jag-u-ars, and I don't even know how much that is.
- Carl Carlson: I'm Buffalo all the way. Ten bob, six shillings, baby.
- Homer: I don't know why we had to come here. Funerals are stupid. You're all excused from coming to mine.
- Bart: Good. I had something that day anyway. [quietly, to Lisa] I didn't have anything that day.
- Marge: I'm so glad you guys could make it.
- Carl: How could we not? Larry was... around.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Sorry I'm late. Uh... [quietly] Who are we doing today?
- Alice Glick: A sad, balding drunk who hung out at Moe's.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Got it. Homer Simpson was a beloved pillar of this community.
- Iris Dalrymple: Perhaps one of you could talk about Larry's love of fishing.
- Homer: Uh, uh, one time, we went to this great fishing lake. Lake Fish.
- Carl: Oh, yeah. Fish Lake was full of... ...fish.
- Lenny Leonard: You know who always caught the biggest fish?
- Homer: Who? Who?
- Lenny: I-I, uh... I want to say Larry?
- Homer: [chuckles] Big Fish Larry.
- Carl: Oh, yeah. Larry, indeed.
- Lenny: Watch out, fish!
- Moe Szyslak: What a true story.
- Homer: Marge, Larry just didn't fit into our band of bros.
- Carl: The four of us are closer than close.
- Moe: Yeah, we're like the Sex and the City broads, except, uh, super gross.
- Homer: Yeah, Larry just wasn't part of our deal.
- Marge: Because you never asked him to be. All he ever wanted was a simple human connection, but instead, he died unloved in a bar.
- Homer: Is it possible we're terrible people?
- Marge: Yes, but the one I'm really disappointed in is... Lenny.
- Lenny: What?
- Marge: You just always struck me as a sensitive guy with a good heart.
- Lenny: I did?
- Homer: I can't go to Serenity Falls. It sounds stressful!
- Marge: [grunts]
- Homer: And I... love stress?
- Homer: We spent a million hours with this guy, but he never felt like one of us. He was a drunk, and we're just social drinkers who also drink alone.
- Carl: Two different worlds.
- Moe: Here's the deal... when you croak, it's just a sad, silent void. Nothin'. And it's not even a regular nothin'. It's an absence of everything, huh? Where no matter how hard you think, you can't imagine how nothin' it is.
- Homer: Like that abandoned mall where the JCPenney's is full of bears?
- Moe: No.
- Lenny: I'm not going to jail 'cause you two were gem smuggling.
- Carl: It's worse than that, dummy. Homer and Moe weren't gonna tell us about the sapphires they found in the Larry crumbs.
- Moe: I wanted to tell you, but Homer threatened to set my bar on fire.
- Homer: What? You told me to keep the gems a secret, and I only listened to you because I'm highly suggestible.
- Moe: No, you're not.
- Homer: You're right, I'm not.
- Fat Tony: Excellent work, Mickey No-Loose-Ends.
- Mickey No-Loose-Ends: So what you want me to do with them?
- Fat Tony: Mm, let them go. They know nothing.
- Mickey No-Loose-Ends: Got it. No loose ends.
- Fat Tony: Ugh, I gotta pay more attention to the nicknames when I hire these guys. Now, can you go pick up Connie at the airport, Bruno Wife-Banger?
- Bruno Wife-Banger: Hey, with pleasure.
